Celebrity Haiku Competition: The Queen
Here we go, then. Another Monday, another chance for you to sarcastically riff on a topical celebrity story via the medium of ancient Japanese poetry.
It's time for hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition. If you've got a spare few minutes to waste, we literally couldn't think of a better way. We certainly wouldn't recommend following the advice of that mate of yours who told you to Google search that 'hilarious' 2 Girls 1 Cup video. Seriously. We wouldn't. Seriously.*
Anyway. Before we kick off this week's proceedings, it's high time we took a look at the winner from last time around.
Seven otherwise worthless days ago, we challenged you to come up with the best haiku about the fact that horse-faced atrocity Amy Winehouse had been rejected as the singer for the new Bond film. The winner, we've decided, was someone called Panini, whose wonderful effort read:
From Russia With Love
I guess that's what's written on
Amy's box of skag
Well done, Panini. You win our quite frankly awesome weekly prize: two whole packets of Space Raiders crisps. Send us yer details and we'll send your pant-wettingly amazing gift.
What about you, though? Don't you want your very own double set of tasty alien-shaped corn snacks? Christ on a bike made of willies - of course you do. And here's how you can get 'em …
Simply come up with the best haiku about this week's story:
The Queen has been named by Vogue as one of the world's Most Glamorous Women.
All you've gotta do is remember the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example – based on this week's story – would look like this:
Her Royal Highness
can spend lots of money on
clothes? Well, whoop-tie doo
Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if you please…
*Really. Don't. Honestly. Look – you won't be able to unwatch it.
Well done me – keep tab, I'm saving up for the multipack…
The Queen? Glamorous?
But I've seen more glamourous
Genital herpes
If my expenses
were funded by the public
i’d look great also
The Queen is in vogue
And most of us are thankful
She’s got some clothes on
‘Glamorous’. Really.
I must reevaluate
Such a common word
*Off Topic*
I think I was better off with you not even mentioning that video. However, now I will never, ever look at porn again. Thank you very much. Although, it would have been worse with the audio.
Gloves, pearls and fruit hats
No excuses-it’s awful
Please tell her it’s tat
ps look up “awful”, meanings include “majestic and dreadful”
Thanks for the warning re 2 Girls 1 cup.
Fortunately I took your advice and read the description first.
Even so, I’ve still had acid flashbacks to that horror “Sweet Movie”
We’ve known you so long,
ma’am, mum, you and Charlie boy.
That’s just how it is.
I read it in Vogue
Stodgy’s the new glamourous
Hail, Regina
Vogue says glamorous?
I want what these freaks are on.
They’re out of their minds!
ps re AG “it would have been worse with the audio”? The description alone was enough to turn a patch of my hair blonde.
(I’m avoiding the “W” word, it’s a tad contentious at the moment)
Hecklerspray haiku!
Each line exists by itself.
So don’t merely cut
a line in two.
Bearing that in mind, I called the last winner of Celeb Haiku correctly, and this time I’m picking ME!
So bring it on!!
Elizabeth reigns
Vogue thinks she is glamorous
(The Braille edition)