Hey there! Are you worried about the increasingly fragile international climate and the almost nigh-on certain possibility of the world plunging into global thermonuclear war before the end of the summer? Us too.

But we're going to carry on with our Celebrity Haiku Competition nonetheless. And you know why? Because if we stop giving our readers the opportunity to win a packet of sweets by writing poems about trivial celebrity news stories… then, goddamit, the terrorists have already won.

This week our figure of fun is Pop Idol svengali Simon Cowell.

But – before all the hijinks commence – let's take a look at last week's winner.

Seven whole days ago, we set you the challenge of writing a haiku about the fact that actor Johnny Depp was going to release an album of Sea Shanties.

The winner (who receives our regular weekly prize of a multipack of Chewits, or whatever nearest equivalent we can pick up from the shop at the tube station) was someone called Smoodge The Naked, whose stellar effort ran:

Don’t care if he was
Buddies with Hunter Thompson
Sea shanties suck ass

Didn't win? Stop that cryin'. You can always enter this week's competition. All ye have to do is scribble out a haiku about the following subject:

Pop Idol's Simon Cowell has revealed that he prefers the music of the Rat Pack to any of today's modern artists.

Think you can write a haiku about that? We're almost 100% bloody sure you can. Just remember the golden rule: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example of the form would look a little something like this:

Tight-trouser-wearing
fool admits that his own acts
are utterly shit

Want to write a better one? Want to win six whole tubes of delicious chewy sweets? Place your entries in the comments box below, kids …

Read More:

Cowell Favours Rat Pack Over Pop – BBC News

[story by C J Davies]