Celebrity Haiku Competition: Simon Cowell
Then buzz it up
August 14th, 2006 at 11:30 by C J Davies
Hey there! Are you worried about the increasingly fragile international climate and the almost nigh-on certain possibility of the world plunging into global thermonuclear war before the end of the summer? Us too.
But we're going to carry on with our Celebrity Haiku Competition nonetheless. And you know why? Because if we stop giving our readers the opportunity to win a packet of sweets by writing poems about trivial celebrity news stories… then, goddamit, the terrorists have already won.
This week our figure of fun is Pop Idol svengali Simon Cowell.
But - before all the hijinks commence - let's take a look at last week's winner.
Seven whole days ago, we set you the challenge of writing a haiku about the fact that actor Johnny Depp was going to release an album of Sea Shanties.
The winner (who receives our regular weekly prize of a multipack of Chewits, or whatever nearest equivalent we can pick up from the shop at the tube station) was someone called Smoodge The Naked, whose stellar effort ran:
Don’t care if he was
Buddies with Hunter Thompson
Sea shanties suck ass
Didn't win? Stop that cryin'. You can always enter this week's competition. All ye have to do is scribble out a haiku about the following subject:
Pop Idol's Simon Cowell has revealed that he prefers the music of the Rat Pack to any of today's modern artists.
Think you can write a haiku about that? We're almost 100% bloody sure you can. Just remember the golden rule: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example of the form would look a little something like this:
Tight-trouser-wearing
fool admits that his own acts
are utterly shit
Want to write a better one? Want to win six whole tubes of delicious chewy sweets? Place your entries in the comments box below, kids …
Read More:
Cowell Favours Rat Pack Over Pop - BBC News
[story by C J Davies]
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August 14th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Old songs are better?
So that explains Shayne Ward, then
A sick sick sick joke
August 15th, 2006 at 3:19 am
I would like to see
Simon slag off the rat pack
They would stomp his ass
August 15th, 2006 at 9:01 pm
You like the Rat Pack?
How bout the rats in your pants
Gnawing your ball bag?
August 15th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
Simon says that Frank
Sings better than his Idols
Yeah, no shit Sherlock.
August 15th, 2006 at 11:52 pm
He fights with Paula,
and won’t admit they’re in love…
But we know better.
August 16th, 2006 at 10:54 am
Young Cowell flamed the house
When the ratpack came to town
Oh to be Sammy
August 16th, 2006 at 10:54 am
Cowell doesn’t realize
The Ratpack isn’t honored
With musical cheese
August 24th, 2006 at 11:56 pm
No contest winner?
I guess ourSimon haiku
All suck a fat one
August 25th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
No haiku comp this
week? That’s ‘cos writer has been
off on holiday
August 26th, 2007 at 12:35 am
Simon says “You’re dead”
sometimes they lie down and die
more and more rich, bitch
August 26th, 2007 at 12:38 am
just live and let live
but simon says “Not at all”
I kill young hope. Ah!
August 26th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Simon says “Perform!”
…ghastly, sweating debacle…
Hope? “Not on my watch!”