Celebrity Haiku Competition: Paul McCartney
Mondays? Hecklerspray? Haiku competitions?
What else did you expect?
Eh? Last week's winner? Before we've announced that this week's subject is Paul McCartney?
I suppose we'd better do that, eh?
Do you remember, last week, how we asked you to come up with the best haiku about the fact that Uma Thurman had a stalker? Do you? Well, how much d'you wanna see the winner? This much? Shall we show it to you, then? Shall we tell you that the winner was Catxpa, whose haiku run thus:
Chasing Uma moves me
In ways you will never know
I am a stalker
So are you happy with last week's winner? Do you want a chance to win yourself? Shall we give you that chance?
Would you like to know this weeks subject? Would you like it to be that:
Paul McCartney is reporting dating actress Rosanna Arquette.
Would you like to write haikus (five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables) about that? Would you like an example, as follows? Yes?
Paul McCartney is
going out with the girl from
'After Hours'? Weird.
Would you like to write your own haikus? And put them in the comments box below?
Well?
Paul McCartney is
Going out with everyone
The bloody man-slag
Paul I dearly hope
This time your sweet lady’s not
Quite so Prosthetic
Paul is quite likely
To write an update of that
Awful Toto song
Not to be a sad git, but
“Chasing Uma moves me
In ways you will never know
I am a stalker”
Isn’t that 6 syllables in the first line?
Paul gets angry calls
from Heather. Because you see,
he still has the leg.
Sorry Dallas, try again.
Paul McCartney dates
a new, improved version
of sad Heather Mills.
Sorry Adam,
But Hecklerspray writers really are a bunch of wankers.
I count six syllables too.
I’ve been away for a bit, have I missed something?
Does Macca know Ros-
anna’s role in pulp fiction
was only acting?
Paul McCartney should
dump Rosanna for sister
Patricia instead
She was Toto’s muse.
Can lightning strike twice? Silly
Love Songs – Here Today?
Paul McCartney
He wears a corset so no-one can guess he’s 70
The walrus was Paul
So here’s a clue for you all:
it’s all about the teeth
Paul is my hero.
If only he were to see.
Paul is now blinded.
I guess we’ll need a impartial judges ruling on the syllable count then. Although we can’t force Catxpa to give back his edible prize.
What?
“Chas-ing Um-a moves me”
Look, I know I live in the boondocks, but that’s six separate sounds.
Catxpa should vomit up his/her prize and post it back.
I reiterate: “Hecklerspray writers really are a bunch of wankers.” and they can’t count.
+1 JBollocks.
Look Adam, sound it out whilst counting the “syllables” (*different sounds*) on the fingers of one hand.
If you run out of fingers before the end of the first line, there’s more than five syllables there.
Unless you’re polydactyl. Then you’re REALLY screwed.
d.
ps there have been two other “haikus” with incorrect syllable count submitted in this thread already. See if you can identify them!
pps I weep for the future if your maths skills are the grand achievement of the English school system.
Anyone else get the idea this is all being taken a little *too* seriously?
I’m not saying you guys are wrong, I guess I just don’t care enough to bother them about it. There’s always next time.
Well, make it a “free verse competition” then. Or a “poem with three lines and more syllables in the middle line than the first and third lines competition”. Whatever.
All I’m saying is if you have a “haiku competition”, make sure the winner you pick actually is a haiku.
d.
To be a haiku
it should be in Japanese
or is that too hard?
C J Davies,
Do I detect a little denial here? “No really, I CAN count! I’ve got a GSCE!”
Love the utter lack of response to your “Anyone else get the idea this is all being taken a little *too* seriously?” line too.
Face facts, you fucked up.
hi euclid,
Wikipedia:
They say English is OK,
So there you have it!
haiku end is nigh;
C J Davis will not play
stupid haiku game
”Face facts, you fucked up.”
Tell you what, JBollocks – I’ll send you a couple of packets of crisps if it’ll act as compensation for my mistake (which, according to the level of vitriol you’re displaying, apparently ranks up there with the invasion of Iraq, the loss of 25 million UK personal data files and New Recipe Coke).
Christ.
Damn you Davies, when are you going to admit your cancer cure sucks?
True haikus can cure
Cancer. It’s true! I read it
On the internet.
This shit IS SERIOUS.
Hands up, who’s had cancer! Hands up, who likes crisps!
I see a lot more hands for crisps than cancer. You tell me which is more important.
d.
Fuck literacy
McCartney’s dating a chick
Who’s one eighth his age
C J Davies,
Dear me, I have touched a nerve haven’t I? Still, it was big of you to (rather ungraciously) admit your cock-up.
ps “According to the level of vitriol you’re displaying”
Oh, another winning comment!
That wasn’t vitriol, this is;
C J Davies writes,
dishing it out-he sure does,
but he can’t take it!
Why Paul? Ditch her now!
There’s a match made in heaven,
it’s Yoko and you!
1. take look outside
2. ascertain pillars of civilisation still standing
3. get on with day
Oh dear, is that the best you can do?
I’m devastated, I going home to Mother.
Oh Yeah,
Don’t say “So are you happy with last week’s winner? ” unless you mean it, you pallid example of a human being.
Yeah, well, my dad could beat up your dad.
Touché
shit me, this is great;
can’t wait for next week’s haiku;
JB v CJ.
*Beetle beats
All the blooming flowers
Here is an unbeatable Beatle!
Asura
i love, love, love Paul Mccartney hes a real hottie. hes special and i love him x
Oh, *#@^!
A better choice, this
Rosanna has a pure heart
Not a gold digger.