Celebrity Haiku Competition: Paul McCartney
November 26th, 2007 at 12:00 by C J Davies
Mondays? Hecklerspray? Haiku competitions?
What else did you expect?
Eh? Last week's winner? Before we've announced that this week's subject is Paul McCartney?
I suppose we'd better do that, eh?
Do you remember, last week, how we asked you to come up with the best haiku about the fact that Uma Thurman had a stalker? Do you? Well, how much d'you wanna see the winner? This much? Shall we show it to you, then? Shall we tell you that the winner was Catxpa, whose haiku run thus:
Chasing Uma moves me
In ways you will never know
I am a stalker
So are you happy with last week's winner? Do you want a chance to win yourself? Shall we give you that chance?
Would you like to know this weeks subject? Would you like it to be that:
Paul McCartney is reporting dating actress Rosanna Arquette.
Would you like to write haikus (five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables) about that? Would you like an example, as follows? Yes?
Paul McCartney is
going out with the girl from
'After Hours'? Weird.
Would you like to write your own haikus? And put them in the comments box below?
Well?
Related and recent:
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Bald Britney Spears
- Paul McCartney Now Putting It About Quite A Lot
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Woody Allen
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Gay Superman
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: The Queen
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Trinny And Susannah
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Uma Thurman
- Celebrity Haiku: The Year In Review
November 26th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Paul McCartney is
Going out with everyone
The bloody man-slag
November 26th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Paul I dearly hope
This time your sweet lady’s not
Quite so Prosthetic
November 26th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Paul is quite likely
To write an update of that
Awful Toto song
November 26th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Not to be a sad git, but
“Chasing Uma moves me
In ways you will never know
I am a stalker”
Isn’t that 6 syllables in the first line?
November 26th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Paul gets angry calls
from Heather. Because you see,
he still has the leg.
November 26th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Sorry Dallas, try again.
November 26th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
Paul McCartney dates
a new, improved version
of sad Heather Mills.
November 27th, 2007 at 8:29 am
Sorry Adam,
But Hecklerspray writers really are a bunch of wankers.
I count six syllables too.
I’ve been away for a bit, have I missed something?
November 27th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Does Macca know Ros-
anna’s role in pulp fiction
was only acting?
November 27th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Paul McCartney should
dump Rosanna for sister
Patricia instead
November 27th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
She was Toto’s muse.
Can lightning strike twice? Silly
Love Songs - Here Today?
November 27th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Paul McCartney
He wears a corset so no-one can guess he’s 70
November 27th, 2007 at 3:44 pm
The walrus was Paul
So here’s a clue for you all:
it’s all about the teeth
November 27th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Paul is my hero.
If only he were to see.
Paul is now blinded.
November 28th, 2007 at 12:13 am
I guess we’ll need a impartial judges ruling on the syllable count then. Although we can’t force Catxpa to give back his edible prize.
November 28th, 2007 at 10:17 am
What?
“Chas-ing Um-a moves me”
Look, I know I live in the boondocks, but that’s six separate sounds.
Catxpa should vomit up his/her prize and post it back.
I reiterate: “Hecklerspray writers really are a bunch of wankers.” and they can’t count.
November 28th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
+1 JBollocks.
Look Adam, sound it out whilst counting the “syllables” (*different sounds*) on the fingers of one hand.
If you run out of fingers before the end of the first line, there’s more than five syllables there.
Unless you’re polydactyl. Then you’re REALLY screwed.
d.
ps there have been two other “haikus” with incorrect syllable count submitted in this thread already. See if you can identify them!
pps I weep for the future if your maths skills are the grand achievement of the English school system.
November 28th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Anyone else get the idea this is all being taken a little *too* seriously?
November 28th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I’m not saying you guys are wrong, I guess I just don’t care enough to bother them about it. There’s always next time.
November 28th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Well, make it a “free verse competition” then. Or a “poem with three lines and more syllables in the middle line than the first and third lines competition”. Whatever.
All I’m saying is if you have a “haiku competition”, make sure the winner you pick actually is a haiku.
d.
November 28th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
To be a haiku
it should be in Japanese
or is that too hard?
November 29th, 2007 at 7:48 am
C J Davies,
Do I detect a little denial here? “No really, I CAN count! I’ve got a GSCE!”
Love the utter lack of response to your “Anyone else get the idea this is all being taken a little *too* seriously?” line too.
Face facts, you fucked up.
November 29th, 2007 at 7:56 am
hi euclid,
Wikipedia:
They say English is OK,
So there you have it!
November 29th, 2007 at 11:01 am
haiku end is nigh;
C J Davis will not play
stupid haiku game
November 29th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
”Face facts, you fucked up.”
Tell you what, JBollocks - I’ll send you a couple of packets of crisps if it’ll act as compensation for my mistake (which, according to the level of vitriol you’re displaying, apparently ranks up there with the invasion of Iraq, the loss of 25 million UK personal data files and New Recipe Coke).
Christ.
November 29th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Damn you Davies, when are you going to admit your cancer cure sucks?
November 29th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
True haikus can cure
Cancer. It’s true! I read it
On the internet.
November 29th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
This shit IS SERIOUS.
Hands up, who’s had cancer! Hands up, who likes crisps!
I see a lot more hands for crisps than cancer. You tell me which is more important.
d.
November 30th, 2007 at 3:55 am
Fuck literacy
McCartney’s dating a chick
Who’s one eighth his age
November 30th, 2007 at 5:29 am
C J Davies,
Dear me, I have touched a nerve haven’t I? Still, it was big of you to (rather ungraciously) admit your cock-up.
ps “According to the level of vitriol you’re displaying”
Oh, another winning comment!
That wasn’t vitriol, this is;
C J Davies writes,
dishing it out-he sure does,
but he can’t take it!
November 30th, 2007 at 6:42 am
Why Paul? Ditch her now!
There’s a match made in heaven,
it’s Yoko and you!
November 30th, 2007 at 7:59 am
1. take look outside
2. ascertain pillars of civilisation still standing
3. get on with day
November 30th, 2007 at 8:12 am
Oh dear, is that the best you can do?
I’m devastated, I going home to Mother.
November 30th, 2007 at 8:15 am
Oh Yeah,
Don’t say “So are you happy with last week’s winner? ” unless you mean it, you pallid example of a human being.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:11 am
Yeah, well, my dad could beat up your dad.
November 30th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Touché
November 30th, 2007 at 11:04 am
shit me, this is great;
can’t wait for next week’s haiku;
JB v CJ.
December 19th, 2007 at 5:14 am
*Beetle beats
All the blooming flowers
Here is an unbeatable Beatle!
Asura