Hey! Enjoying the sunshine? Well, no. Of course you're not. It's Monday, and that means – like every other Monday from now until the end of infinity itself – you're sat in a hellishly underventilated office, rearranging paperclips and staring at spreadsheets.
Don't worry, however… there's always our weekly Celebrity Haiku Competition to look forward to.This week, we're taking a look at monobrowed pop gruffster Noel Gallagher.
Before we do that, though, let's take a look at last week's winner.
You may recall that – seven otherwise pointless days ago – we set you the challenge of writing a Haiku about the fact that David Hasselhoff was the most popular male celebrity on the whole wide internet. The winner (also, incidentally, the only entry, but we never let that stop us) was someone called KuriKuri, whose vaguely threatening effort went:
No more ironic
David Hasselhoff emails
or I'll stab your mum
What does KuriKuri win? The same prize as ever, folks… a glorious tube of juicy, non-brand-specific Fruit Pastilles. Send us your details, Kuri, and we'll ship those sweets out to you as soon as we can be arsed.
But what about YOU? Don't you want the chance to win a tube of mouthwatering fruit jellies? Bloody pissing right you do. And here's how… Simply write a Haiku about the following topic:
Noel Gallagher has admitted plagiarising a Burt Bacharach song for the Oasis hit Half A World Away.
Just remember the golden rule of Haiku, kids: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And – because we're your bestest friend in, like, the entire universe – we're going to give you an example:
Bushy eyebrow man
has been stealing others songs?
Not exactly news
Think you can write a better Haiku than that? We're so goshdarn sure of it we're going to give you the chance! Entries in the comments box below, if you please…
[story by C J Davies]