Celebrity Haiku Competition: Lindsay Lohan’s Sex Addiction

Another week, another chance to scribble out an ancient form of Japanese poetry based on a sort-of topical celebrity story. We spoil you, you know that?

That's correct - hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition is here to claim its Monday pride of place. We, like, totally own Mondays. And we totally own you too. How much? This much.

Anyway. None of this nonsense is in any way poetry-related enough for our liking, so let's get down to the nitty-gritty of things. This week we're taking a look at vagina-flashing Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan.

But first let's have a cheeky wee gander at last week's champion…

Seven short and otherwise pointless days ago, we set you the challenge of coming up with the best haiku about Madonna's crazy adoption antics. The winner was someone called Prunes, whose superb effort ran thus:

Madge likes gaining kids
But she already has 3…
Superfluousness 

'Superfluousness'? Check out the big brain on Brad! Seriously, though - because we're all very serious people - well done, Prunes. You truly are the king/ queen/ delete as appropriate of internet poetry. This week, anyway.

So. We just bet you're thinking: "how can I get in on the action? How can I be claimed victor of this majestic competition of yours?" Well, peel 'em back. No, not those - your eyes.

This week we'd like you to write haikus about the following topic:

Lindsay Lohan has been busy denying claims that she's a naughty sex addict.

All you have to do to compose your poetry is remember the golden rule of haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And - because we love you more than a million Christmases - we're going to give you an example:

Lohan a sex addict?

Great … but the Olsen Twins still

get my pervert vote

Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if ye please …

Read More: 

Lindsay: Sex Addict Or Just Lonely? - Metro