Celebrity Haiku Competition: ‘Lesbian’ Katie Melua
Boy, have we got a special treat for you.
As well as providing you with our regular Celebrity Haiku Competition – officially the only reason to go anywhere near a computer on a Monday – we're delighted to announce the subject we're covering this week: one that may or may not (depending on your level of perversity) provide you with enough 'mental filofax' material to see out the entire winter.
You know that TASTY little Katie Melua bird, right? PHWOAR, eh? She's a BIT OF ALRIGHT and no mistake! Well, hecklerspray was talking to our News Of The World-reading mates (Gaz, Daz and Baz; all respected employees of Plebeian Cowboy Tiling Ltd) and they only went and told us that she's a bloody LEZZA!
Allegedly.
Still… before we get into all that… let's take a look at last week's winner.
And – by Christ – if it isn't a two-time victor. Seven days ago we asked you to write the best haiku about the fact that the fat bloke from Keane had been called a 'crackhead' by some cheeky audience heckler. The winner was Thargor The Badger Slayer, who cleverly managed to include some Keane lyrics in his poetic ode:
Is he a crackhead?
is it any wonder the
songs are all the same
Well done, sir. You know what you win? That's right – our usual no-expense-spared five-star prize.
A multipack of Chewits.
Now, now, everybody. Calm down. We know that you'd like nothing more – just like Thargor – to get your grubby mitts on such an assortment of delicious chewy sweets. Well – here's your chance. Simply write the best haiku about this week's topical celebrity story:
Singer/songwriter Katie Melua has formed a 'very close relationship' with a lesbian photographer, which has led many to speculate as to the nature of her sexuality.
All you have to do is remember the golden shining rule of haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An 'example' – based on the above 'story' – would go something like 'this':
So Katie is fond
of the ladies? I'll get my
camcorder ready
Think you can do better? Course you can. Simply place your entries in the comments box below …
Read More:
Katie Melua
Closest thing to a girl’s minge
That I’ve ever seen
What’s on the menu?
A Katie-Lara sandwich
Can I be the meat?
competition? right…
last time i submitted one
nothin’ happened. damn!
Breaking News: Katie
collaborates on album
with the band tATu
i bet that is a
good sight,P.S. i am wan-
king as i write this.
I have several haiku submissions:
1
Katie, do you hear?
Can we meet? ‘Cause my girlfriend
has a thing for you
2
If I was a lap
dancer I would let Katie
touch me anywhere
3
Lesbian Katie?
Fingers crossed – we all know what
Abi Titmuss did…
4
Katie fans unite!
Who knows a good lesbian
Kama Sutra book?
More from the Great Bullet-proof Duck:
Have you heard the news?
I hope Lara’s tongue is long.
Katie is worth it.
Katie and Lara
On a fishing boat; you know,
They were so confused!
Adapted from Katies very popular song, “I cried for you”
Origional lyrics: But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper
Improved lyrics: Though I learned from you
That lesbians need never
involve a mister
Check and mate baby!!!!!!!!!!!
welcome to lez-ville
you are a propper fitty
come suck my titty!
The rumours have been found to be untrue. This article is pathetic. So too is anyone who reads this and actually finds enjoyment out of it.
uh-oh, i got two years worth of spreading rumours to make up for. good catch bob.
Katie loves wet minge
And who would really blame her?
Lezzas get ready!
I love Katie and her music. Whether the rumour is true or not, I’m going to post this just for laughs anyway.
Katie’s new partner
Is a pro photographer
Ask her for pictures?