Celebrity Haiku Competition: Johnny Depp’s Sea Shanties
Ah, Monday. The day of the week in which you try to cast off the weekend hangover, wishing in vain that you could magically transfer all your illnesses to someone you hate (a bit like that bloke in the new Irvine Welsh novel).
Still… Monday isn't all bad. Because that's the day when hecklerspray brings you its very own Celebrity Haiku Competition – YOUR chance to write a snappy little poem about a particularly topical celebrity story.
This week our celebrity target is Pirate-portrayin' actorly-type Johnny Depp.
But first let's deal with the small matter of last week's winner.
Last week – in what was our biggest ever haiku response, pointless-statistic fans – we set the challenge: write the best haiku about Mel Gibson and his drink-driving, Jew-hating shenanigans.
The winner was a gentleman named Miles Lott, whose superb ditty ran thus:
Mel Opens His Mouth
Jew this and Sugar Tits that
What A Drunk Bastard
Well done, sir. You've won our special prize – a whole goddamn six-pack of delicious Chewits (or possibly Fruitella, depending on which brand the corner shop stocks). Send us your details and we'll post you your sweeties.
Want to win your own multipack of sweets? Of course you do. And here's how: simply write the best haiku about this week's topic:
Johnny Depp has recorded an album of Sea Shanties to tie in with the next Pirates Of The Caribbean film.
Just remember the golden rule of haiku – five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An 'example' – based on the above 'story' – would go something like this:
Hollywood Film Star
Records Novelty Album?
What a shit idea
Now, we know for a fact that you can do better than that. Why not prove it by dropping your entry in the comments box below?
Read More:
Depp records Sea Shanties album – Breaking News
[story by C J Davies]
Johnny Depp’s music?
We remember Fade In/Out
That’s enough, captain
Shiver me timbers
Depp records sea shanties tracks
Bloody brilliant!
Not enough greenbacks
In mega-blockbuster films?
Points on crap tie-ins.
Don’t care if he was
Buddies with Hunter Thompson
Sea shanties suck ass
Just what the world needs
Arrr, Jim, our own CD, yarrrrr
Johnny Depp, you cunt
Johhny Depp stars in
“The Butt Pirates of Penzance”
Musical manrape
A Pirate Hottie
Will sing yo-ho sea shanties…
“Captain” Jack, Savvy?
beautiful pirate
serenade us with your tunes
and really bad eggs…
Not an entry, but you should get your information right. Johnny is NOT singing in this album. Together with director Gore Verbinski, they got the singers together to record this album. Of course, “slightly” wrong information fits into your littel game.
What better
Than to experience in life
A mouthful of Depp’s saltiness.
Captain Jack is back
this film better be good
never heard you sing
Johnny Depp in song
Maggie Thatcher ina thong
omg teh yuk
Johnny Deep cant sing
bad acting he sure does bring
lose the beard you freak
do ray me says Depp
his acting is quite inept
you fecking eejit
I dont want to write
how johnny’s singing is shite
cos you already know
i cant count to five
or I cant count to seven
something something Depp
i think it will be great coz he is great
A “Jack” of all trades
music is where he began
heart and soul combined
depp just won’t shut up
pretty boy pirate scum
lick my blackbeard ass