Poetry is usually rubbish – over-earnest waffling by people who aren't talented enough to write novels. Fact.

Thank the sweet baby Jesus, then, for hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition. That's right: after a short break, it's back, thanks to overwhelming audience demand. And you know what? It's better than ever before.

Actually, it's not. It's pretty much the same as it always was. Sorry.

Anyway. To those of you who are new to hecklerspray – and we're not even going to ask where you've been all these years – Celebrity Haiku Competition is a weekly foray into the world of ancient Japanese poetry, wherein we give you the chance to scribble out your very own lyrical ode based on a topical celebrity story.

This week we're looking at Volkswagen-with-lipstick Jade Goody, and the fact that her 'career' might well and truly be over.

Apparently Jade Goody has yet to receive a single 'feasible' offer of work following her downright shocking racist blow-out on Celebrity Big Brother. We have to say – this comes as something of a surprise. We're sure the staff at Late Review would love to have Jade on their erudite team of panelists. Or possibly the chaps at The All-Pleb Loudmouth Shithead Show, at the very least.

To make matters worse, Jade Goody's a little bit worried because she's 'only' got £2 million in her bank account. Calm down, love – that money is enough to set you up for life. Provided the Culture Police don't carry out a dawn repatriation raid, taking the cash and handing it out to legions of struggling artists while Jade Goody goes back to manning the tills at Kwik Save. Then she could be in a spot of bother.

So. With all this going on, we thought it would only be prudent to pay poetic tribute. As ever, the best haiku to be entered wins a very special prize. Want to know what that is?

Two whole bags of Spicy-flavour Space Raiders.

That's literally 20-grams-upwards of tasty alien-based corn snacks. Twenty. Amazing, we know. And it could all be yours.

All you have to do is remember the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example – based on this week's Jade Goody story – would read a little somethin' like this:

So Jade Goody is

at the end of her career?

Does anyone care?

Look – we know. That was rubbish. The reason being: it was only an example, dummy. We're sure that you can dazzle the world with your haiku-writing skills. And you can do that by placing your entries in that there comments box…

Read More:

No Offers Of Work For Jade Goody – Digital Spy

Celebrity Haiku Competition and Space Raiders – simply the best 10p corner-shop snack in the world. Provided the newsagents haven't run out of Chipsticks. Or Tangy Toms. Or Pickled Onion Transform-A-Snack. You get the idea.