Hey – it's back.

How long does it seem since our last Celebrity Haiku Competition? Quite frankly, we're not too sure about 'real' time, but in our sob-stained minds it feels like goddamn centuries.

Alas… fear not, gentle readers. It's returned. From now on – until we get a bit lazy again – each and every Monday will herald YOUR chance to win big in our special poetry-scribblin' contest. And to kickstart the Haikus, we've got something really special for you – we want you to write a Haiku about Jack Nicholson's giant strap-on dildo.

And what do you win? Same high-rolling prize as always, folks. That's right: there's a whole six-pack of Chewits up for grabs. Imagine getting your grubby hands on that.

Imagine how the gals would look at you then ….

So. Stop imagining and live. All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning is scribble out a haiku about the following celebrity story:

In new Scorsese film The Departed, wrinkly old superstar Jack Nicholson plays out an entire scene wearing a strap-on dildo.

Has that got your creative glands tingling? Christ almighty… we'd be quite frankly amazed if it hadn't. Jack Nicholson in a strap-on dildo? Our Gran could come up with a Haiku about that. All you have to do is put on your magic memory-caps and play close attention to the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.

Eh? What? You want some sort of example, do you? Oh, go on:

Star of the Shining

may look a bit odd on screen

with rubber fake cock

Think you can do better? Sure you can. And you should prove it by placing your entry in the comments box below.

Read More:

Nicholson Dons Dildo For Cinema Sex Scene – Femalefirst

[story by Stuart Heritage]