You know what poetry is? Rubbish, that's what.

There is, however, one glimmering exception to this rule: hecklerspray's weekly (more or less) Celebrity Haiku Competition
- quite literally the only place in the world where you can assess a
topical entertainment-based story and vent your literary spleen in a
crazy ancient Japanese manner.

This week we're looking at one-legged divorce diva Heather Mills … more specifically the fact that someone from The Sun
chanced across some naughty naked pictures of her on in a garbage depot
and – being a kind-hearted journalistic soul – went and gave 'em all
back to their rightful owner.

But first? First let's see who claimed victory last time around.

In our previous comp, we asked you to scribble out the best Haiku about the fact that – following the Take That reunion – the Spice Girls were thinking of getting back together for a little tour.

The winner was a gentleman called Tom, who cleverly incorporated the Spicesters lyrics into his hate-filled diatribe:

Tell me what you want
What you really really want
Spice Girls suicide

Well done, sir. You win our fabulous weekly prize – a multipack of Chewits. Yes. Really. Now stop jumping for joy, send us your address and we'll post the bloody things out to you.

Oh – and previous competition winner 'Thargor'? You'll get your sweets too. Eventually. Just, like, stop fucking hassling us, man.

But what about you? Yeah: you. Surely you want the chance to
win some sweets too? Of course you do. All you have to do is come up
with the winning haiku about this weeks topic:

Beatle divorcee Heather Mills is featured in a load of 'intimate' snaps which were retrieved from a rubbish tip.

Just remember the golden rule of haiku: five syllables, seven
syllables, five syllables. An example – based on the above story -
would go something like this:

Poor silly Heather

leaving around pictures in

which her boobies show

Okay, okay … that was lame. But only because it took us twenty
seconds to compose. You can do better, right? After all – it's Tuesday
and you've got loads of time on your hands. What else are you going to
do? Work?

Entries in the comments box below, if you please …

Read More:

Naked Heather Pics Left On Tip