You know, a lot can happen in a week.
Well, actually, it can't. For the majority of us it's essentially the same old tiresome dirge from now until the end of infinity (or that cholesterol-induced coronary you're heading towards, pizza-boy). Luckily, however, there's always one regular treat that you can savour each and every Monday. That's right – hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition: the surefire way to forget all about the crippling pointlessness of modern existence!
This week we're taking a wee gander at sports-star courtroom favourite OJ Simpson.
But before all that kicks off, let's see who claimed victory in our last competition…
You may remember that we asked you – our precious lovely readers – to scribble out a haiku about the fact that Japan had gone and named a whole bloody day after Scientology-lovin' actor-type Tom Cruise.
The winner – interestingly – was the first entry. A gentleman called Pedro wrote in with this succinctly sharp tribute:
A whole day for you
To watch Top Gun and Cocktail?
Jesus fucking christ
Well done, Ped. You win our star prize. "What star prize is that?" many newcomers to the site will be asking.
A whole six-pack of Chewits, that's what.
You heard right. If you win this weeks comp, you could be chowing down on as many as fifty individually-wrapped fruit-flavoured sweets. And if that ain't the way to live life to the max, then we just plain don't wanna hear about it. Understand? We don't.
Anyway – on with the show. This week we'd like you to rub your poetry glands all nice-like and come up with a haiku on the following topical celebrity story:
Former sports star O J Simpson will be paid around $3.5 million for writing his book If I Did It, in which he will describe how he would have killed his ex-wife in an allegedly fictional manner.
All you have to do is remember the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And because we know that some of you just love the idea of an 'example', we're going to damn well give you one:
O J Simpson is
writing about his dead wife
but as a cash-in
Oh, come on. That was hurried. We know that you can all do better – and we want you to prove it by placing your entries in the comments box below.
Read More:
O.J Simpson 'admits' to murder in new book – Hollywood
[story by C J Davies]
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Juice’s first interview:
“Yeah, killing my wife was fun…
er… would have been fun.”
(crap… the possessive threw off the syllable count)
OJ’s first title
“How I did it” was thrown out
Juice is not sure why
I’ve looked for years now;
With L A. P.D.’s findings,
I must now agree.
(corrected first entry)
OJ promotes book:
“Yeah, killing my wife was fun…
er… would have been fun.â€
Kato is chuckling
“Finally, he admits it”
Where’s my freaking house?
Mark, Marcia, Ito
Were all so really neato
But not for the Juice
OJ sure killed them
And so now he writes a book
Oh man that kills me
three point five million?!?
damn, if i had me a wife
i’d kill the bitch too
As Johnny C. said
if the black glove does not fit
cash the book sales checks
Wonder if K-Fed
Will read Juice’s guide so he can
“Spear” his own problem?
Still on my TV.
Your stalker has failed us.
This juice is rancid.
Not that I did it
But here’s how it went down, see
–Hypothetically.
OJ rocks my world,
freshly squeezed and on the rocks,
my guilty pleasure