Remember how bored you always used to get when studying poetry at school? You know what would have made it more exciting? If – rather than analysing the usual romantic claptrap – you'd been allowed to spend your days scribbling out Haikus about topical celebrity stories.
Well. Aren't you in for a treat? Because – each and every Monday until we get a bit bored – hecklerspray gives you the chance to enter the Celebrity Haiku Competition.
This week we're looking at naughty drink-drive movie-man Mel Gibson.
But first let's see who claimed victory in last week's compo. You may remember that we asked you, dear readers, to come up with the best haiku all about George Michael's 3am bush-fondling antics . The winner was someone called Sour As Milk, whose simple yet effective Haiku ran like this:
OK, we get it
George Michael is a gay man
And a shit singer
Good stuff. What does 'Sour' win? Our usual fantastic prize, of course… a whole six-pack of Chewits (or the nearest, non-brand-specific alternative we can find at Morrisons). Send us your details, 'Sour', and we'll send you your sweets.
But – what about you? Aren't you sat there right now just wishing you could win some chewy sweets? Course you bloody well are. And here is how you can do it. Simply write a Haiku about the following topic:
Mel Gibson has said that he is 'ashamed' of his recent 'out of control' drink-driving antics.
Just remember the golden rule of Haiku – five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And – because we're so goshdarn helpful – we're going to provide you with an example:
So Mel is 'sorry'?
That still does not change the fact
that Braveheart is shit
Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if you please…
Read more:
Mel In Cell On Drink Rap – The Sun
[story by C J Davies]
{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }
What Women Want is
A pissed-up Jew-hating twat
OK sugar tits?
Forgive Mel Gibson
So hot in Lethal Weapon!
Love, Jews For Gibson
So what? Mel Gibson was raised in Australia and Aussies drink a lot, its their national sport for paying far too much tax.
As for the tirade of ‘Anti-Christian comments by Anti-Christs’, one must note that even the Pope said “that the Passion of the Christ’ was the way it was”.
The quite majority of the world is now watch, listening and commenting amongst themselves.
People who attack others for telling some truth never ever hear what is being said about them
amongst family and friends planet wide it never goes unnoticed.
Clearly these alternative “life stylers” have “Anti-Christ”, “Anti-Life” and “Anti-Islamic” views.
The world is now watching – its only the stupid who can’t foresee what’s going to happen in the future..
Stop being so Dumb!
Drunk God-botherer,
his car a lethal weapon,
messed-up to the Max.
@#$# #@%! jews
I am a *%$#@* drunk c$#t
so thanks and $#@$ off!
Mel Gibson: stop rants
Drop Trow’ show yer shlong
Wish it were circumcized, eh?
Oh, poor bigoted Mel
Lousy father, lousy self
Worst actor, ugliest person.
You only wish you could be a Jew.
John, above, is violent anti-semite, but you all got that, didn’t you?
mel tried to be
ted kennedy, but instead
was jerry falwell*
oops. messed up my syllables. Correction:
mel wanted to be
ted kennedy, but instead
was jerry falwell
Mad Malibu Mel
Swingin swayin swervin sot
Alive with no Soul
Boozed to high heaven
poor man fraught, caught and trembling.
Forgiveness leavened.
Mel is drunk again
Screaming like a Nazi twit
Passion of the Cops
Lethal Weaponry,
Tequila, an SUV
Jew Conspiracy
Suicidally
Struggling with the system
Oh, William Wallace.
Now apologize
For making us all look at
Your ass in Braveheart
I REALLY LIKE JEWS
NOW CAN YOU HELP ME DRY OUT?
HOLD ME, SUGARTITS
Screw making movies
The Passion of the Gibson?
Drunk hatred of Jews
The Jews rule the world
But the Jews will never rule
Your tits of sugar
Mad Max dreams of a
Jew-less Malibu, replete
with tits of sugar.
Carrying his load
He preaches his last surmon
Then is nailed up
You against the Jews,
“Two men enter, one man leaves.”
Mel, you are so fucked.
Piss drunk, he rages
Misogynistic turd ball
Third reich wannabe
Christ, he’s an asshole.
Wait, wait! I mean Mel Gibson…
Not the Jesus dude.
Binge-drinking Nazi
Multicultural country
Apocalypse Mel
I call it Mel-Ku
Mocking Gibson’s social crimes
Like Bird On A Wire
New kid on the block
Poster boy of Hezbollah
What/who next f%#ker?
Mel opens his mouth
Jew this and sugar tits that
What a drunk bastard
Are you just insane?
Or possibly retarded,
Like that guy from “Tim?”
Face it, sugar-tits
Point-one-two is not that drunk
You just hate the Jews
Glassy-eyed, drunk stare.
Sweat-streaked cheeks and moron grin.
Next stop: Surreal Life.
Wait, don’t let me out
Of jail yet. I still haven’t
Slagged off the faggots.
Step One in AA
Admit you are powerless
Over sugar tits
The Lord Humongous
Restored to life in the shape
Of his nemesis
A drinking problem
has ended many careers
Yours too, Mel Gibson
Did I say “the jews”?
the tequila slurred my words…
meant to say “fruit chews”
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned. I hate Jews
but love sugar-tits.
Mel, Be sorry for
The Chile Con Carne Club,
Not for hating jews
(i must add that that movie was god awful)
It is no surprise
Escalada of deceit
Is shame in disguise
beyond thunderdome
many jews will forgive you
A A Takes 12 steps
o road warrior
if you could be sorrier
a lawyer would weep
king of malibu
pull over and enjoy your
own crucifixion
mel was not so blitzed
that he failed to notice the
lovely sugar tits
South Park’s Daffy Duck
but the real Mel’s stranger still
he is truly fucked
Mel is not to blame
never wished he to inflame
he’s merely insane
Drunken tirade done,
Mel heads for rehab at the
Henry Ford Clinic
(in case you didn’t know,
henry was a raving anti-semite)
While filming “Passion”
Mel turns to Jesus and says,
“Glad YOU’RE not a Jew.”
Arrest video
purchased by Mel Gibson with
Thirty Silver Coins
Stupid Drunk Braveheart
Cop Evading Jew Hater
Lethal Weapon Great !
Gibson on camera
After Sergeant Sugar-Tits
Apocalypto
Mel’s Fiji Island
Can’t stop him from binge drinking
Mad Max so fitting
Yes, Mel, James Mee
Kind and forgiving beat cop
Is indeed a Jew
wannabe Roman
but isn’t even a real
American-Ha!
Mel Gibson is blue
He found just like George Allen
His mother’s a jew
Mel’s Passion is clear
This jew lover kids you not
The bigot wants beer
Forgive him Padre
For we know Mel now has sinned
He apologized
Only problem is
This may not be a worry
Not really sorry
Sad Max rants blue-faced
truth rises like vomit the
worm in bottle – you
Mel should hush hisself
trying to claim Malibu
With drunk lips and brain
Passion of the Mel:
“How do you say ‘I Hate Jews’
in Yucateo?”