Celebrity Haiku Competition: Amy Winehouse
October 29th, 2007 at 11:00 by C J Davies
Fact: most revivals are bad.
Star Wars. The Happy Mondays. Chris Evans' career. In fact, take a look at any attempt to bring back a cultural milestone and you'll notice that the end result is invariably cack-based.
One thing that has long been overdue a resurgence, however, is hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition. Okay, okay, so maybe we're confusing 'cultural milestone' with 'something to do if you've got a spare five minutes to tit around on a Monday', but that's just semantics.
'Hold on a second,' some of you may be screaming. 'I'm relatively new to hecklerspray. What is this Celebrity Haiku Competition of which you speak? Tell me! Dear Christ, tell me, or else mother won't get her food parcel thrown down into the basement today.'
Calm yourselves. Details after the jump…
Basically, right, Celebrity Haiku Competition (or CHC, as all the cool kids call it, or will assuredly do so one day) does exactly what it says on the tin. Each week we take a topical celebrity story and ask you, dear readers, to compose your very own haiku about it. The winner receives a very special prize.
Two whole packets of Space Raiders crisps.
So, then: if you want to be in with the chance to win a double-set of the finest alien-based budget snacks on the market, simply get your poetry-scribblin' glands on standby and compose an ode to this week's story:
Beehive-haired warbler Amy Winehouse has been dropped as the vocalist for the new James Bond film theme song.
All you have to do is remember the golden rule of haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example - based on this week's topic - would look a little something like this:
Girl who sang 'rehab'
finds herself cast off from new
double-oh seven
Yeah, yeah - that was rubbish. We know. And that's why we're giving you the chance to do, like, six million times better. Entries in the comments box below, if you please…
Read More:
Bond Producers Drop Winehouse - Contactmusic
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October 29th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
From Russia With Love
I guess that’s what’s written on
Amy’s box of skag
October 29th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Needles in tootsies
Who’s she kidding with that hair
I’d slip her one though
October 29th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Who will sort Amy
Docherty’s prodigy tart?
Not even Bond would
October 29th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Amy massive hair
through downward descent stumbles.
Whose playing Bond now?
October 30th, 2007 at 12:07 am
The House of Winehouse
Overgrown and lightless dim
Forgets how to Bond
October 30th, 2007 at 12:14 am
Aimless A Winehouse
The Hapless Maze Meanders
Bondless and Adrift
October 30th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
Amy the Wino
A suitable replacement
for Pussy Galore
October 30th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
Dont you diss Amy
She is an awesome poet
Just like Doherty
October 31st, 2007 at 7:56 am
Actually, I vote for Panini (not that anyone asked me too). It’s classic.
Although, Jamie’s last line is enduring AND from the heart: “I’d slip her one though”.
Truely, five syllables yet so poignant.
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Amy fucking rocks
She could be best Bond girl ever
Do not dismiss her
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Whiney Aimless drone
drugs are bad unless you share
you have funny hair
November 26th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
amy, I feel sad
you ate all the drugs in town.
please get clean, for me.