Celebrity Divorce Betting Odds: Madonna, Jordan, Jolie & Winehouse

Ready for some more chances to make money from unhappy celebrities? Step right up.

We're starting 2008 as we mean to go on, by crossing our fingers really hard and hoping that just about every celebrity couple in the land gets divorced and spends the rest of their lives wallowing about in abject near-suicidal misery just so we can make £12.50 from a lucky stab at a bet. And when we say 'we' we really mean 'you'. It's £12.50 that you didn't have before, at least.

So here are the celebrity divorce betting odds for Jordan and Peter Andre, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar and Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil. Help, as ever, comes from Paddy Power…

Jordan & Peter Andre - Surely - surely - Jordan and Peter Andre are prime candidates for the first celebrity divorce filing of 2008. Anyone who had the misfortune to stumble across their ITV2 chatshow will know exactly why - if it has any basis whatsoever in the real world, Jordan and Peter Andre's marriage consists of nothing but Jordan droning "Oh shut up you pointless wanker" whenever Peter Andre even looks like he's thinking about opening his mouth. There'd be pros and cons to a Jordan/ Peter Andre divorce, though - although it'd mean Jordan would be back on the prowl for innocent young reality TV stars to corrupt, at least it'd put an end to the pair of them churning out horrible duets. Current 2008 divorce betting odds - 8/1

Madonna & Guy Ritchie - We'll admit that we weren't expecting to see Madonna and Guy Ritchie stay together for this long, because we never had Madonna down as a woman who plays with her food before she eats it. What with Guy Ritchie's stalled career and Madonna's fierce determination to adopt all the sad-eyed babies in the world adding to the existing rumours of marriage counselling and separate bedrooms, it looks like it really might be curtains for Madonna and Guy Ritchie in 2008. And if that sparks Guy Ritchie's thoughtful cinematic meditation on the intangible ache of love lost then so be it. Because it'll be rubbish and we'll have fun kicking the life out of it. Current 2008 divorce betting odds - 6/1

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie - Now, despite these short odds, we can't see Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorcing at all this year. Is that down to the fact that Angelina Jolie's well of humanitarian goodwill means that it'll be impossible for Brad Pitt to fall out of love with her? No. Is it because both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie understand that a two-parent family will be the best upbringing for their rainbow-coloured band of adopted children? No. It's because - even though hardly a week passes without reports of tensions between the couple - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie aren't actually bloody married, you plebs. Current 2008 divorce betting odds - 4/1

Liz Hurley & Aran Nayar - Imagine a world where Liz Hurley and Aran Nayar got divorced. Just imagine it. Imagine the blow to the foundations of our very consciousness that would happen if two people who we'd forgotten were even married got divorced in 2008. We don't know if we could take it, especially if we wouldn't recognise one of them even if they marched around town in a big hat with the words 'I Am Aran Nayar' written on it in neon tubing, followed by the thousand-strong Aran Nayar Chorus singing Theme From Aran Nayar through bus-sized loudspeakers. No, we wouldn't be able to cope with that at all. Current 2008 divorce betting odds - 11/4

Amy Winehouse & Blake Fielder-Civil - No shit, Sherlock. Last year Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil and instantly transformed from a slightly odd-looking drunkard into a toothless self-harming drug-addict with a husband in prison on suspicion of beating up a man so badly that he needed to have metal plates inserted into his head. If this spiral holds its pattern, it'll either end in divorce or death. And since it's much easier for pithily sarcastic British entertainment blogs to make off-colour jokes about divorce than death, we're hoping it'll be the former. That said, we do have a whole lot of death jokes stockpiled. You should cross your fingers that Amy gets pecked to death by an emu, because that baby's a doozy. Current 2008 divorce betting odds - 2/1

Tomorrow: Betting odds for that new Big Brother show! We think! But if that's too long to wait - or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with - head right over to the Paddy Power celebrity divorce betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.