Celebrity Big Brother - Potential Housemates In Full (Ish)

Celebrity Big Brother hits our screens tomorrow night, and speculation has never been higher about which personalities will be entering the Celebrity Big Brother house.

Depending on what you read, this year’s Celebrity Big Brother will either be jam-packed with endlessly fascinating and controversial stars from England and America, or a bunch of boring dickwads who used to be in Coronation Street or had shows on satellite TV so obscure that not even their own mothers could pick out of an identity parade. Chances are it’ll be a mixture of the two - Celebrity Big Brother bosses have announced that ten celebrities will go into the house.

To get you ready for tomorrow’s Celebrity Big Brother onslaught, we’ve found every single potential Celebrity Big Brother housemate around for you to mull over, look at and dismiss as either too far-fetched or too cripplingly dull. Let’s go…

Michael Barrymore - Already a favourite of the tabloids, which are
literally pissing their knickers at the prospect of seeing  Barrymore
in Celebrity Big Brother. Once a huge primetime family star, before he
decided he was a drug-taking homosexual with a penchant for keeping
dead bodies in swimming pools. Probably looking to set the record
straight on Celebrity Big Brother, although he’s more likely to have a
giant Feltz-style breakdown.

Dennis Rodman - A strange choice, as basketball is only really
popular with girls in this country - and known by the common term
‘netball’. However, Dennis does claim that Carmen Electra once tried to
push uncooked pasta up his bottom, so the Celebrity Big Brother
entertainment potential is there.

Faria Alam - Apparently had some kind of affair with the England
manager, or something. Couldn’t be less interesting if she set herself
on fire, although there may be Kinga-style Celebrity Big Brother bottle
unpleasantries if enough booze is consumed.

Esther Rantzen - Enormo-toothed TV presenter famous for laughing at
vegetables that look like mutilated genitals on That’s Life. The ‘Anne
Diamond’ of this series of Celebrity Big Brother. Yes, Anne Diamond was
on Celebrity Big Brother once. We’d forgotten about it, too.

Joan Rivers - Everyone was hoping that surgical veteran Joan Rivers
would go into the Celebrity Big Brother house, be all bitchy and then
leave, but the super-sleuths over at SpecialBets noticed that she is on tour throughout Celebrity Big Brother - except for one day. A surprise visitor? Who knows.

Jimmy and Liza Tarbuck - Potentially a Celebrity Big Brother ‘two
for one’ deal; golf-loving, gap-toothed Scouse comedian Jimmy Tarbuck
might go into the Celebrity Big Brother house accompanied by his
daughter Liza who Is Really Good and Should Be On The Telly More.

Gillian McKeith - Now, we missed the whole Gillian McKeith deal.
Apparently she’s a woman who goes round calling everyone a fat fucker and
then forces them to only eat tomatoes for the rest of their lives. She
could be an amusing addition to Celebrity Big Brother, especially when
another housemate could be…

Johnny Vegas - It’s official; 48% of hecklerspray readers want
Johnny Vegas to win Celebrity Big Brother, and so - if we’re honest -
do we. Although we’re a little concerned to see if Johnny can keep up
his permanently drunk shtick for three solid weeks. And he might have
some potentially disastrous competition from…

Shayne McGowan - The only person in the universe that makes Johnny
Vegas look like a well-adjusted young man - Shayne is the toothless,
inexplicably still alive, Pouges frontman. He had a top ten hit a few
weeks ago, you know, so he’s vaguely current enough to be a potential
Celebrity Big Brother housemate.

Boy George - Someone else who wants to clear his name on Celebrity
Big Brother, after police found a whole bunch of drugs at his
apartment. The big question is - can Boy George last three weeks
without colouring the underside of his jaw black to make himself look
thinner? We say - doubtful.

Anna Nicole Smith - Every series of Celebrity Big Brother needs
totty. And, if we’re lucky, unusually deranged totty. So thank God for
Anna Nicole Smith, the pendulous former Playmate with a dead
billionaire husband. If there was a ‘vote my clothes off’ segment of
Celebrity Big Brother, every single 14-year-old boy in the country
would text away their life savings in a second.

Pete Burns - Pete Burns is basically Kemal from BB2005’s hero, as he’s a man who looks like a woman. But we quite like him - mainly
because he sang You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) when he was in Dead
Or Alive, and also because he has a touch of the Shatner about him, in
that you’re never quite sure just how seriously he takes himself. The
Celebrity Big Brother house would be a duller place without him.

Macaulay Culkin - Childstar of the Home Alone films turned weirdly
reclusive sometime actor. Almost single-handedly saved Michael Jackson
from prison by alleging that Jackson was a normal bloke and not a
child-molesting freakshow. Can he present a normal profile of himself
on Celebrity Big Brother? Will he tell the truth about Michael Jackson ? And - most importantly - will he do that
adorable face-slap thing from Home Alone ?

Derek Ancorah - TV medium. He has his own spirit guide called Sam.
Most of you seem to think he’s a bit odd. That’s literally all we know.

Jodie Marsh - The most unlikely glamour model in the history of the
planet, seeing as how she’s roughly as attractive as the mad woman who
screams and cries outside Dixons round our way. With a more ludicrous
tan. But she used to go out with Kenzie, so she has some amount of
Celebrity Big Brother pedigree.

Dave Berry - Dull-as-clay presenter of several shows on MTV, and T4
sometimes. Maybe looking to show that he has some kind of personality
by appearing on Celebrity Big Brother.

Nikki Sanderson - Her Off Coronation Street.

Scott Wright - Him Off Coronation Street.

Daniel McPherson - Him Off Neighbours.

Jocelyn Jee Esien - Remember 3 Non Blondes? Us Neither. She was one of them.

Don’t forget to keep checking back with hecklerspray for all the latest Celebrity Big Brother betting odds - helped as ever by SportingOdds.com - once the show has started.

Have we missed anyone out? Leave your Celebrity Big Brother tips below

[story by Stuart Heritage]