Remember when Celebrity Big Brother was fun? Remember when Ken Russell spluttered dribbly cracker all down him while screaming "Servants! SERVANTS!" like a nutjob – seems like a different Celebrity Big Brother altogether, doesn't it?
Now, though, Celebrity Big Brother is all about two things; 1) the possibly racist, probably bullying battle between Bollywood queen Shilpa Shetty and cement-mixer voiced moron Jade Goody and 2) watching Dermot O'Leary and Russell Brand fumble their way through their E4 Celebrity Big Brother shows all ashen-faced and teary-eyed knowing that they've indirectly kicked off a genuine international diplomatic furore. One of these things is fun, and one of them is probably sort of a bit disturbing if we're honest with you.
So today's Celebrity Big Brother betting odds is a Jade Goody Vs Shilpa Shetty head-to-head battle to the death. To the death! Or, if not actual death, a week and a bit in the Celebrity Big Brother house with that bloke from The A Team and Michael Jackson's brother.
So – now that we don't have to care about any of those other wankers – who's gonna win Celebrity Big Brother: Jade Goody or Shilpa Shetty? Here are today's Celebrity Big Brother betting odds with a bundle of help from wonderful wonderful Paddy Power…
Jade Goody – Jade Goody probably thought that the worst Big Brother could throw at her was some slaphead fellatio and a few people screaming "Burn the pig!" at her for a while. But during this series of Celebrity Big Brother, things have escalated completely beyond reason. Thanks to a raw chicken and an Oxo cube, Jade Goody has now been exposed as the biggest racist since Adolf Hitler and as such everyone in India has been handed their very own Jade Goody Celebrity Big Brother wicker effigy to burn as they see fit. Is Jade Goody a racist? God knows – as last night's Celebrity Big Brother fight hit fever pitch Jade started to make the sound of a four-foot mosquito being taunted by a toddler behind a double-glazed patio door, and was thus rendered incomprehensible. There's speculation now that, after Big Brother made her famous, Celebrity Big Brother will cast her out into obscurity again. She'll be on the cover of Heat for sure, but only with the headline Oh Shit It's That's Racist Pikey From Celebrity Big Brother – No Not Maxwell From 2005, The Other One. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 16/1
Shilpa Shetty – Shilpa Shetty, on the other hand, has got it bloody well made. Reports say she got paid more than anyone else to appear on Celebrity Big Brother, and now she's emerging as the favourite to win Celebrity Big Brother. And, really, what's 24 days of unrelenting sobbing misery compared to the brief empty thrill of winning a low-rent celebrity-based reality TV show? The entire planet seems to have got behind Shilpa Shetty thanks to the racist-seeming onslaught she's faced from Jade, Jo and Danielle – but Shilpa's ice cool poise looks close to shattering, and a full-scale retaliation will surely damage her chances. After all, a racist attacking a racist by being racist just creates another racist, and Shilpa's already bubbling under; slagging off Jade for being on Big Brother and muttering about the state of the UK. Still though, at the moment Shilpa Shetty is the favourite to win Celebrity Big Brother, and we hope the obligatory Celebrity Big Brother winner's prize of hosting one episode of The Friday Night Project will make up for all the hassle. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 5/4
Tomorrow – Celebrity Big Brother betting odds for an eviction, probably. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Celebrity Big Brother betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.