Have you heard the news? There's going to be a Celebrity Big Brother double eviction tomorrow night, and either Shilpa Shetty, Dirk Benedict, Cleo Rocos, Ian Watkins or Jo O'Meara will be leaving – so that'll be Jo and someone else, then.
Yesterday you'll remember that we took a stab at which Celebrity Big Brother housemates were going to be nominated for eviction, and we got three out of our four right. Yes! In your face! We are the best at Celebrity Big Brother! We watch more Celebrity Big Brother than anyone else! We, er, we actually hate ourselves a bit for admitting that in all honesty. Anyway, why are we crowing on about how much Celebrity Big Brother we watch in such a grossly irritating way? Because if we had to describe the recent goings on in the Celebrity Big Brother house, we'd have just written 'they licked some ice,' and wouldn't that be shit.
Even though there's a double eviction tomorrow, we're just going to be looking at the betting odds for the fourth eviction – the first housemate who will leave Celebrity Big Brother tomorrow. Today we're going to look at the three Celebrity Big Brother eviction nominees who most likely won't get evicted tomorrow, and then tomorrow we'll look at the housemates who don't stand a fart in hell's chance of staying in the Celebrity Big Brother house. So here are the fourth eviction Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – for Ian Watkins, Shilpa Shetty and Cleo Rocos – with help from Paddy Power…
Ian Watkins – Is it just us, or has Celebrity Big Brother aged Ian Watkins by about a thousand years? Three weeks ago Ian Watkins was the self-confessed "blonde knob from Steps," all cheeky grins and thumbs-aloft wackiness, but a handful of days spent in the Celebrity Big Brother house with a bunch of idiots who can turn a quarrel about Oxo into a gigantic racist battle to the death that made 45,000 people complain about it has turned Ian into a prematurely-aged wrinkle-faced geriatric old bastard who couldn't form an opinion if it knitted him a gypsy out of pubes and made him kiss it. It's hard to know what to make of Ian Watkins' Celebrity Big Brother nomination – Ian seemed certain that playing the quiet game was the way to reach Sunday's final of Celebrity Big Brother, but his crippling indecisiveness and chronic simpering has really infuriated the public over the last few weeks. It'll be a toss-up between Ian and Cleo who gets the second Celebrity Big Brother eviction, we say, but he won't get evicted first. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 66/1
Shilpa Shetty – Evict Shilpa from Celebrity Big Brother? But she's an actual saint isn't she? Shilpa has suffered through so much – Jackiey calling her "The Indian," Danielle telling her to "fuck off home," Jade roaring something about Oxo cubes at her – that we thought it was all but assured that Shilpa would go on to win Celebrity Big Brother. But no; Shilpa picked up Celebrity Big Brother nominations from Jo (who said "are all Indians so thin because their cooking makes them sick?") and Jack ("I hate her, she's a wanker, she's a cunt"), officially placing her up for the Celebrity Big Brother double eviction alongside wimpy Ian, grumpy Dirk, psycho Cleo and enormously racist Jo. We thought that Shilpa Shetty would be safe from eviction this time round – but then she nominated Dirk on Tuesday. Since Shilpa is supposed to be in love with Dirk and has unstoppably flirted with him from the get-go, this makes her a towering hypocrite and officially places her in the Celebrity Big Brother danger zone. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 33/1
Cleo Rocos – Poor old Cleo Rocos. Carole Malone got evicted from Celebrity Big Brother because she's less famous than a verruca we had when we were six, Jackiey Budden got evicted from Celebrity Big Brother because she's about as likable as that verruca was when it started spraying frothy green pus into our eyes, and Jade Goody got evicted from Celebrity Big Brother because she's more racist than all of the Ku Klux Klan put together. And then there's Cleo Rocos. Cleo's been nominated for Celebrity Big Brother eviction because she wore a wig, lurched at Dirk Benedict's genitals like a sex-obsessed Robocop and then actually turned into the devil. Fair's fair we suppose. Judging by Cleo's fellow Celebrity Big Brother nominees, her batshit behaviour as the ringleader of a coven of dickheads over the last few days might just signal the end of Cleo's stay in the Celebrity Big Brother house. The question is, will she be first out? Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 12/1
Tomorrow – the Celebrity Big Brother betting odds for the remaining two eviction nominees, Dirk Benedict and Jo O'Meara. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Celebrity Big Brother betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.
Mr Rent says
What? But that means Dirk is more likely to go than Cleo. Dirk can’t go – he’s a chuffing legend. Der der-der derrr! Der Der Derrrr!