Stupid Celebrities Love Getting Naked for Fish

So this is Lizzy Jagger, daughter of Mick, straddling a giant tuna as if it were a chivalric steed. What the fuck is happening here, you may be asking yourself. It’s the everyday life of a celebrity, duh. This is what they do with themselves when the rest of us are clocking in at factories and clocking out at the bars.

Somehow this sort of thing gets classed as ‘philanthropy’, which last time I checked didn’t mean getting your boobs out for a good cause. But maybe celebrities have a special dictionary or something.

The cause for all this show of flesh? Fish, of course.

You see, there are a bunch of celebrities who think that overfishing has gone too far, though they’ll happily shove their mouths full of overpriced sushi. And as anyone knows, the best way to combat injustice in the world and to draw attention to a cause it to get your boobs out.

The thing would be almost fine if it was only female celebrities doing stuff, but it’s not. You’ve got men too.

Richard E Grant

Thought about what Richard E Grant looks like cradling a carp as if it were his gay, exuberant child? Well take a look at his beatific smile, because that’s what you’re getting buddy.

Terry Gillam

Terry Gillam’s already fucking weird. He’s one of the Pythons. So really, he’s the most logical person that you see here. The rest? They’re sticking out a bit.

Lili Loveless

I don’t know about you, but personally I love my cephalopod porn. It’s the best kind of porn. Much better than the regular vanilla stuff. Why not whack tentacles in the mix? Just think about all those ink sacs waiting to blow right over your loved one – like Lili Loveless here.

Emilia Fox

Last up is Emilia Fox. This would be a perfectly good picture of naked Emilia Fox, except for the fact that there’s a squid oozing blood over her chest. Which is decidedly unsexy. I mean really, unless you’re some sort of underwater sadomasochist, would you want to associate sexuality with blood and squid? I wouldn’t.

So nude on, you celebrities with nothing else to do. At least you’re not trying to change the world in a positive way, like actually donating your money to a cause.