Seven weeks into 2007 is far too early to start making grandiose statements about the best albums of the year, so that's exactly not what we're going to do. But it's plenty early enough to make grandiose statements about the most gut-wrenchingly heartbreaking album of the album of the year, because this is it.
Are We Nearly There Yet? is the tenth album by Television Personalities – the ever-changing group of musicians hiding behind indie veteran Dan Treacy. And where previous Television Personalities albums were full of sparkling verve and razor-sharp wit, Are We Nearly There Yet? – a collection of songs apparently culled from sessions just after Treacy was released from prison in 2005 – contains none of that whatsoever. Depressing? That'd be an understatement, but not for the reasons you think.
In their time, Television Personalities were responsible for some all-time greats. Part Time Punks, Where's Bill Grundy Now?, I Know Where Sid Barrett Lives – all of which deserve their place in the great canon of British pop songs. Somewhere between then and now, however, and Dan Treacy has been homeless, addicted to heroin, speed and alcohol, thrown in prison and has fought various mental health problems. Are We Nearly There Yet? by Television Personalities is the sound of exactly that, and it's an unsettling listen.
The first thing that hits you about Are We Nearly There Yet? by Television Personalities is how cheap it all sounds. That's no surprise really – it was recorded on a budget of £1,000 donated by fans on Dan's release from prison. From this we can ascertain that the world's crappiest keyboard costs exactly £1,000 – because in place of the zippy mod-pop that characterised Television Personalities of old, that seems to be the only backing for many of the tracks on Are We Nearly There Yet?
But the instrumentation isn't the real reason why Are We Nearly There Yet? is such a miserable listen – it's hearing the directionless mess of Dan Treacy's vocals. Where once you could rely on Dan Treacy for a whip-smart pop-culture jammed lyric, this new album features none of that whatsoever. You could call the title track of Are We Nearly There Yet? dancey, were it not for the disconcerting sound of a man with a 30-year music career mumbling about needing a wee in a faux-naive way. But at least Are We Nearly There Yet? (the song) retains some aspects of fun, which gives it the nose over some of the album's other tracks.
During The Peter Gabriel Song, Television Personalities pull off their old trick of namechecking a dozy old rocker, containing the lines "When it all goes wrong/ Don't worry, Peter Gabriel will write a song." It should be an insult – albeit a staggeringly outdated one -spat out with sarcasm, but when Treacy half-sings it in his faltering off-key garble of a voice it's transformed into a cry for help, almost as if he wants Peter Gabriel to write a song for him. I Get Scared When I Don't Know Where You Are – hopeless demo quality aside – is more like what you'd expect from Television Personalities of old, only lyrically more paranoid. It's a sentiment fleshed out more on the Television Personalities' karaoke cover of Mr Brightside by The Killers, with Brandon Flowers' aloofness replaced by a desperate howl. Hearing Dan Treacy yelping "It's killing me" and getting the feeling that, yes, actually it is isn't a sensation we'll rush to experience again any time soon.
But then Are We Nearly There Yet? is an album rich in uncomfortable moments, from All The Kings Horses ("and all the king's men/ couldn't put Daniel back together again") to the entirety of The Eminem Song, which takes Eminem's trademark soul-bearing, strips it of any wit and lets a mentally ill man who doesn't appear to have ever heard any hip-hop man rap it. "I've been down on smack," it goes "high on crack/ Fucking pills and powders, Jesus/ surprised I ever came back" before namechecking Robbie Williams, P Diddy, reminding everyone how to spell the word 'Dan' and that "we can't all be Franz Ferdinand."
This isn't to say that Are We Nearly There Yet? by Television Personalities is a bad album. It's clearly the sound of a man coming to terms with his various problems – not historically the greatest source of a jolly time – but listen hard enough and you can hear the seed of the man of wrote Look Back In Anger. Let's hope that spirit returns for the next Television Personalities album proper.