Web/Tech

Eagle-eyed hecklerspray readers might have noticed that our erstwhile scribe - and the man who brought the beauty of Bumrape Island to your attention - C J Davies doesn't particularly like Second Life.

And now his rampant hatred of Second Life has spiralled out of all control, resulting in this short video for digital channel Current TV where C J just goes on and on about how much he dislikes Second Life. Really - on and on and on he goes, slating Second Life to such a degree that it might as well just kill itself.

Warning - this video is very funny, and not just because you get to see C J Davies waggling an enormous black dildo around like some sort of obscene lightsaber. OK, partly because of that… 

No one could have predicted how much fun it was going to be watching as the music industry, having tried to ignore the power of the internet for ages, suddenly realised it was being over run and was well and truly in the shit.

And if the music world getting its knickers in a twist about the internet wasn't entertaining enough, now the world of getting baby crocodiles to bite your nipples and drinking mouthfuls of horse-sperm is up in arms about it, too. In short, the new Jackass movie will be released on the internet for free tomorrow.

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Anyone out there worried about upcoming exams?

We know how you feel here at hecklerspray. We've got something of a test coming up ourselves. Well, it's actually more of a 'court case', to be honest, but we can assure you that those nervous jitters are completely the same. Hell - if we fail that all-important 'why exactly where you stood on a box looking inside Hilary Duff's dressing room' segment, we don't know what we're going to do.

Seriously, though, kids: exams are important. Study hard and stay in school. Yeah, yeah, we know it may be more tempting to sniff loads of glue and try to hoist up Tracy Ashman's skirt behind the bike shed than to sit down and ponder over equations. But no-one ever said life was going to be fun. You hear us? No-one.

Besides. You could always take consolation in one small thing. Apparently you can now use Wikipedia as a valuable research tool.

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Literally every single aspect of Britney Spears' 2007 has ended up as a painfully embarrassing disaster, but it's not all bad - at least an army of friendless geeks still love her.

Yahoo has just published its top 10 internet searches of 2007, and Britney Spears has come out on top yet again, making her officially bigger than professional wrestling, Saddam Hussein and Fergie out of the Black Eyed Peas. She may be in the middle of her own private hell, but at least by being searched for on Yahoo more than anything else this year, Britney Spears can still take comfort from the fact that she's still popular.

We just wish we had the heart to tell her that most of the searches in full were either for 'Britney Spears' horrible minge,' 'Britney Spears looking like a dick at the MTV awards', 'Britney Spears is a terrible mother' or 'Britney Spears: why?'

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Social networking has literally revolutionised the way you keep in touch with people you didn't want to be friends with in the first place, but Kylie Minogue has identified one very serious design flaw.

That is, social networking is fine, but by and large people don't talk about Kylie Minogue very much. Happily, though, Kylie Minogue has remedied this by creating a Facebook-style social network site that's all Kylie Minogue all the time. KylieKonnect is the place where Kylie Minogue fans can register their details, keep in closer contact with Kylie than ever before and share their passion for all things Kylie with all the other Kylie fans in the world. Needless to say, KylieKonnect is probably the gayest little website the world has ever seen.

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Here at hecklerspray, we know the importance of a semi-decent education. Look at where it got us! And yet in America things get taken so much more seriously.

In America, you see, when kids fuck up their exams, they get loaded into a van at midnight and taken to camp. Here, the dim-witted bunch of misfits get reminded of their lack of intelligence by spending the summer re-learning what they don’t know. You’d think there would only be camps for kids who don’t know the difference between subtracting and multiplying, but no. We’ve discovered that there are some places that want to convert little children to the good book. And we don’t mean Harry Potter.

All across America, Jesus camps are springing up to get kids to, er… convert to the name of our saviour. Will there be Jesus juice involved? Well, we’re not too sure and to be brutally honest, we don’t want to know. Despite trying to be loving and caring, these Jesus camps look quite evil as they go about telling us how wrong we generally are about everything. Which, to be fair, does apply to most of the hecklerspray writers. 

So for any parents in America, you have the perfect ammunition to bribe little Jimmy or Claire into not bunking off school and actually attending class. Do you want them to be brainwashed by some happy clappy Christian group/cult? Well, show them this trailer as a taster for a potential summer of bible bashing fun. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Paul McCartney has been at the forefront of everything for four decades - music, technology, animal rights, marrying women who are almost impossible not to dislike - and now Paul McCartney's only gone and discovered YouTube, hasn't he.

And, seriously people, this is the reason why Paul McCartney's such a genius. He's seen how OK Go's career took off after the band members choreographed an elaborate treadmill dance routine, and he wants in, goddammit. That's why, to promote his new single Nod Your Head, Paul McCartney has posted a video on YouTube of him… nodding his head. For 26 seconds. Incredible. However, Paul McCartney's death-defying head-nodding video seems to have caught on, with everyone from children to dogs to Ringo Starr all joining the slightly tiresome head-nodding YouTube craze. It's enough to make you wish that Paul McCartney's new single was really called Stab Yourself In The Eye With Whatever's Nearest To You. Go On, Do It. Stab Yourself In The Eye You Idiots.

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Yeah, yeah - we know that the vast majority of you will already be aware of this by now.

We're taking a chance, though. There could still be one or two of you who don't know that Radiohead have announced the release of their new album, and that - in a move apparently purpose-designed to piss off those record industry types - it's being offered as a download only.

That's not the biggest surprise, however: the real kicker is that Thom and the Radiohead boys have decided to let you, the precious punter, decide exactly how much to pay for the new material (which calls itself In Rainbows). Simply head on over to their site, type in your desired amount and you'll be sent a link on October 10th which allows you to download the blighter straight away.

Naturally - in order to make up for the legions of people who are going to type in Zero Pounds Sterling - Radiohead have offered something a little more special for the fans in the shape of a deluxe boxset. Rumours also state that a 'physical' release of the album is due on CD format sometime early next year.

In the meantime, though, why not sling Radiohead a couple of quid, cross your fingers and hope it'll be better than Hail To The Thief?

Get In Rainbows by Radiohead Here  

The whole world loves internet sex tapes, as they give it the chance to say "oh, so that's how they have sex" or, in Meg White from the White Stripes' case, "oh, so that's how they have sex - also, is that the smell of my retinas burning?"

Yesterday, very briefly, the internet go very excited. Not about a YouTube video of a bear on a hammock or a compulsively-forwarded email hilariously spoofing the Mastercard adverts, but by what appeared to be a Meg White tape. "Finally!" the world thought, "Now I no longer have to imagine which facial expressions the dumpy plain female drummer from The White Stripes - who I've never had a single sexual thought about - pulls as she's getting done by some bloke in a grotty bedroom." But, just as soon as the Meg White sex tape furore started, the Meg White sex tape has been dismissed as a fake. Thanks a lot, the internet - but can someone tell us who to bill for all our teeth that got partially dissolved by vomit just now? 

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Hey kids, forget everything your parents told you about working hard - it appears the best way to achieve success is to start wailing uncontrollably on YouTube because someone you inexplicably admire is acting like a dickhead.

Pretty much the whole world has seen the YouTube video called 'LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!' in which a desperately androgynous young person cries and cries and cries and threatens to kill himself unless people stop writing mean things about Britney Spears all the time. Well, it seems like the TV buzz-phrase this season is 'uncomfortably unstable Britney Spears obsessives' because Chris Crocker, the star of the 'LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!' YouTube video has just signed a deal to star in his own TV show. Although details are scant about Chris Crocker's TV project, it's thought to be a cross between Avocats et Associés and a sobbing fucking moron getting disturbingly worked up about someone he's never met doing something that'll never affect him like a tit.

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