Obsessed, now that was a brilliant film. Just like Fatal Attraction, but none of the women had stupid haircuts and you didn’t see Michael Douglas’ nipples.

Brilliant. And even more brilliant is the fact that, because it’s out on DVD next week, we’ve got three copies of Obsessed to give to you. You’ll like it – it’s just like Dreamgirls except Beyonce doesn’t burst into song all the poxy time and there’s a fistfight at the end of it.

Brilliant. The Obsessed competition details are after the jump…

To win one of the three Obsessed DVDs we’re giving away, all you need to do is watch the movie’s trailer below and answer a simple question:

QUESTION: If you were Stringer Bell from The Wire, would you rather have sex with Beyonce or the split personality woman from Heroes?

To stand a chance of winning, email your answer and a contact address to Hello[at]hecklerspray.com with the subject line ‘Stringer Bell’s sexual proclivities are none of your business‘. The competition closes at midnight on October 29 when the winners will be chosen at random. UK readers only please.

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Michael Jackson performing in London was meant to be the highlight of the summer.

Instead, we had to make do with Oasis splitting up. Which we were fine with, incidentally. Jackson was supposedly happy to play 50 dates at the O2, a feat that would test his physical and mental abilities.

That didn’t happen because, as you may have heard, Michael Jackson died. Still, as the trailer to for Michael Jackson’s This Is It movie shows, Michael was prancing all over the stage. Still, it doesn’t explain why he dropped down dead soon after.

To make up for the fact that Michael Jackson failed to make his London concerts – rumoured to involve live animals and singing children galore – we’ll soon get to see a Michael Jackson film cobbled together from rehearsal footage. Entitled This Is It, the film is meant to show the best of over 80 hours recorded in the weeks before his death. Below is the over-dramatic trailer…

The beginning of the This Is It trailer is amusing in itself for multiple reasons. Not only does it lead us to believe that Jack Bauer is going to jump through the floor and kill someone, but it doesn’t quite explain the dream that Michael Jackson wanted to share everyone. Was it a dream to build a 20-foot-high sandwich or a working house made from sand? We just don’t ruddy know. Perhaps he’ll tell us during the credits.

The film is also going to upset the Christians. At roughly 34 seconds in, there seems to be a moment where Michael pretends to be Jesus. Perhaps he wanted to see what it was like to be a carpenter, have multiple disciples follow him around or feel big rusty nails being driven in to his hands. It would have been an extreme way to end a gig. Most musicians are happy to smash up their rented instruments.

Worryingly, there does seem to be a small army of Michael Jackson fans who would have attended the gigs. Again during the trailer, you can see them marching around at the 45-second mark. Have they been trained by Michael to share love and warmth? Probably not – Joe Jackson possibly reprogrammed them to smack the audience around during Beat It, just so the audience could have the authentic Michael Jackson experience.

So on October 28, we’ll all finally get to see This Is It in full. However, it’s only going to be out for two weeks. So good is this unmissable event that the people in charge of bringing it to you want to make you miss it. We don’t doubt for a second that it’s because they want to release it on DVD with a host of tossy bonus features.

If you like watching people dance around for 90 minutes, then this carefully-selected and well-edited film is just for you. Don’t expect to see the human side of Michael Jackson, mind. Don’t for one moment think there’ll be a ten-minute scene where he has a poo after a bad Mexican meal.

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Derek Thomson is what you’d call an asshole.

As a hard-hitting hockey pro and full-time meathead, Derek (Played by Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson) rules his life and family with a massive ego and an extra dose of spite.

What goes around, comes around…

After ruining childhood dreams and generally being a knob, Derek gets a summons from the dream police and suddenly he’s stuck with a fate worse than death – He’s punished with community service… as a tooth fairy. Swapping hockey pads for spandex and girly wings, Derek fits in at his new job like a meatloaf in tights and blunders hilariously through the film. Tooth-splitting laughter ensues as Derek abuses his new-found powers and uses them in the NHL.

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Michael Caine is the original British badass…

The 73-year-old legend isn’t getting any softer with age, especially when a gang of anti-social yobs murders his best friend. Harry Brown is an OAP on the warpath in a tale of urban misery and gang-related violence. The painful realism of Daniel Barber’s Britain will give you the shivers as you watch Harry buy a gun, punish wayward youngsters and throw his conscience to the lions as he walks a path of murder and revenge. Want to see the real England? Harry Brown gives you a beating, throws you in the gutter and shows you the failed society that lingers beyond your door. Open it if you dare…

What do we know about The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus? Oh, plenty.

We know that Terry Gilliam directed it, for instance. And we know that it’s Heath Ledger’s final film. And that it’s released on October 16. And that it also stars that big-faced girl from the Marks And Spencers advert. And – oh! – we’ve got two tickets to give away to the London premiere of The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus next month!

If you can get to London on October 6, have a friend and enjoy probably being fairly close to Johnny Depp, then you’re strongly advised to read on…

To win a pair of these staggeringly good The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus premiere tickets, all you need to do is watch the film’s trailer below and answer a simple question:

QUESTION: What, exactly, did you just see?

To stand a chance of winning, email your answer and a contact address to Hello[at]hecklerspray.com with the subject line ‘I genuinely haven’t got a freaking clue‘. The competition closes at midnight on September 28 when the winner will be chosen at random. UK readers only please.

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Here’s one (not) made earlier.

In a movie industry dominated by action hero sequels, re-makes and Judd Apatow productions, there sometimes comes a long a comedy that truly is the cream on top of the cake.

Whip It follows Bliss Cavendar, an unhappy teen trapped in her small Texan town, until she discovers a hard core roller derby league in Austin. Bliss soon discovers that sometimes you need to grab life by the wheels and roll on out your own destiny.

Drew Barrymore directs, Shauna Cross writes and Ellen Page stars in this roller derby extravaganza. If that wasn’t enough, Juliette Lewis, Marcia Gay Harden and Alia Shawkat also feature. It’s the female buddy movie that Hollywood has needed for years and there isn’t a ravine in sight.

Whip It is due to hit US cinemas this October, and I implore you to go check it out when it reaches your shore or border. Seriously, not since chocolate covered pretzels came to England have I been this excited.

Imagine Little Women; but with all the girls having the personality of Jo, and instead of ice skates they are all wearing roller skates, and instead of giving curtseys they give smackdowns. With names like Malice in Wonderland, Smashly Simpson and Dinah Might you know it ain’t no Starlight Express.

From trailers, clips, interviews and insider scoop, this will be one of the coolest movie of the year. If being entertained for two hours doesn’t appeal, at least do the honorable thing and bust some moves at your local roller disco.

This movie is a win-win situation, so get your skates on.

[story by Gemma Addy]

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So Kanye West grabbed all the MTV VMA headlines by acting like the world’s most unnaturally colossal turd.

But that’s not the real news. No, the real news is that MTV broadcast a New Moon trailer! Yes, we know that there have already been about a million New Moon trailers, but this one is different. It’s very slightly longer! And Robert Pattinson takes his top off in it! And therefore it’s more liable to make us want to deliberately binge ourselves into a pharmaceutically-assisted coma just to escape it!

Excited about the New Moon trailer? Then you’re an idiot. Also, it’s after the jump…

New Moon isn’t released for over two months. Let’s just reflect on that for a moment. We’ve already been bombarded with naked castmember photos and New Moon trailers and spurious-sounding stories about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart having it off, and there’s still nine weeks to go before the poxy thing is released.

So what imaginative marketing tactics can we expect from the New Moon producers that’ll ramp up hype levels even further before November 20? What? They’re just going to keep releasing slightly different trailers because they know that anyone who actually likes New Moon is either a child or a desperately lonely woman and they’re bound to greedily lap up whatever scraps they’re thrown regardless of how chronically intelligence-insulting they are? Oh, fair enough.

That was demonstrated during the MTV VMAs last night, when a new New Moon trailer was premiered. First let’s show you the New Moon trailer, and then let’s analyse it…

OK, you’ve seen it now. Stop hyperventilating. And stop wondering how two teenage girls managed to somehow procure a bright yellow Porsche to bomb around Italy in even though that in itself is even more ridiculous than all the vampire and werewolf crap put together. Because a document as seminal as the latest New Moon trailer needs to be dissected with a cool and critical eye. So let’s do that…

New Moon Trailer Scene 1:

In this scene we can clearly see Kristen Stewart heading for a motorcycle crash, put off by a weird, transparent, shopworn-looking scarecrow. At least we assume it’s a scarecrow – for a moment we thought it might have been a real person, but then we noticed its haircut. No real person would ever even consider having a haircut that objectively terrible.

New Moon Trailer Scene 2:

In this scene Kristen Stewart realises that she’ll never have Robert Pattinson as a boyfriend again, and will have to settle for that runty-looking werewolf chap instead. This emotion is not only expressed through the anguish in Kristen’s eyes, but also in the way that she makes a noise like 14 goats gang-raping a guinea pig as loudly as possible in an echo chamber.

New Moon Trailer Scene 3:

OMG! It’s the New Moon Wolf Pack! Oh God, they’re not wearing tops!! You can totally see their nipples!!!!! Eight werewolfy nipples!!! SQUEE!!!!!!

New Moon Trailer Scene 4:

OMG!!!!!!! It’s Robert Pattinson without a top on!! We can’t breathe!!! He’s so pasty and ill-looking and sexy!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

New Moon Trailer Scene 5:

O!!! M!!! G!!!!!! It’s TONY BLAIR!!!! Now We DEFINITELY can’t breathe!!!!!!! TONY!!! TONY!!!! WE WANT YOUR BABIES!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, oh God, we think we’re actually going to pass out with lust!!

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Is Christopher Nolan’s new movie Inception going to be as big as The Dark Knight? Unless Leonardo DiCaprio turns up dead right before it’s released, no.

But is Inception going to be as good as The Dark Knight? Could be. Inception isn’t out for another year, so the trailer isn’t very helpful, but it does show a bunch of people tumbling around a corridor in a deadly-looking way – much like how the music video to Virtual Insanity by Jamiroquai looks in our dreams – so we’ve already got high hopes for it.

Watch the Inception trailer after the jump…

Nazi zombies are, for some inexplicable reasons, a relatively untapped area in the horror genre – but that’s all about to change.

Dead Snow is premiering at UK Frightfest on August 30th and hitting DVD and Blu-ray on August 31st, and it is one hell of a ride!

Picture the crisp Norwegian snow-capped mountains surrounded by beautiful forests and a cosy log cabin in the middle of it all. It’s a Christmas card image that would take centre place in any Granny’s mantelpiece. Now add to that a splash of red, a dollop of intestine and a scalped bonce to boot and you’ll have the gloriously bloody, hilarious and action-packed Dead Snow.

A group of medical students head up into the mountains for their Easter vacation, only to find that their perfect retreat won’t be filled with chocolate binging and the resulting stomach ache that follows. Instead, upon finding some hidden treasure, they unleash a group of evil Nazi zombies in the mountains, who want nothing more than to bite into our intrepid backpackers and ruin their festivities. Armed with chainsaws, sledgehammers and one snowmobile, they aren’t letting anyone bite without one hell of a fight.

From newcomer Tommy Wirkola and an unknown cast, this is one hilarious horror movie that takes it queues from the likes of Day of the Dead, Evil Dead and Braindead (It has a lot of dead in it), among others. Never short of a joke or some sort of severed limb, Dead Snow is one mountain walk you won’t want to miss. Whether you make it back in one piece is another question.

Want to know how big New Moon is? It’s so big that even New Moon trailers have their own teaser trailers now.

Sadly, we’re not joking. A New Moon trailer comes out on Friday, and to tease fans – about the trailer – a 15-second peek has emerged.

Before the New Moon trailer teaser trailer came a teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which consisted of five seconds of the New Moon trailer teaser trailer. And before that came the teaser to the teaser to the teaser trailer to the New Moon trailer, which lasted a tenth of a nanosecond and only existed in the mind of one overexcited teenage girl. Or bloody SOMETHING.

We think we speak for everyone here when say “Oh, for God’s sake”. New Moon is still over a quarter of a year away, and it’s already easily the most unbearable thing that any of us have ever had to endure. Every single incremental leaked piece of New Moon information – from the picture of the Wolf Pack to the first New Moon trailer to the legitimately dreadful-sounding Comic-Con panel – means being forced to put up with millions of teenage girls flailing and breathlessly clattering into each other and screaming until they rupture their small intestines.

And that’s fine. That, along with self-harm and binge-drinking, is what teenage girls do. But this? This is just taking the piss.

On Friday, a new New Moon trailer will be shown ahead of screenings of Bandslam, the new Vanessa Hudgens movie. That in itself is enough to inspire breathless hysteria, both in fans of the Twilight series and dirty old men who’ve spent the last week panting over the naked Vanessa Hudgens pictures and the naked Ashley Greene pictures and wrongly assume that a New Moon trailer followed by Bandslam will contain more young nudity than you’d find on Gary Glitter’s hard drive. But apparently it’s not enough.

Because a teaser for the New Moon trailer has appeared online. Not a New Moon teaser trailer. A 15-second teaser of the actual trailer itself. For people who can’t wait two days. Just thinking about this is giving us the early stages of an aneurysm, so we’ll just show it to you instead…

But what did it all mean? What did the complex montage of images in the New Moon trailer teaser trailer actually mean? Don’t worry – we’ll break it down for you, scene by scene:

SCENE ONE

Here we can clearly see Robert Pattinson leaving Kristen Stewart, probably because she’s a bitch and she’s wearing an ugly coat.

SCENE TWO

Here we can see Kristen Stewart being comforted by Taylor Lauter, who hasn’t realised what a skank bitch she is. He’ll learn.

SCENE THREE

Here, Kristen Stewart mumbles something slightly inaudible. It might be “You’re so beautiful”. It might be “You’re sort of beautiful”. It might be “Jesus christ Taylor, what’s going on with your hair? Have you started a Charles And Eddie tribute act or something? You look ridiculous” Or it might just be “Mumble mumble mumble I’m a massive bitch.” It is Kristen Stewart, after all.

So what does it all mean? Here’s an idea – read the cocking book.

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Remember when Doritos were advertised by a bunch of smug Friends-alikes whose entire dialogue may as well have been comprised of “Hey, kill us! Someone kill us!” because that’s all you ever heard every time they appeared on screen?

That’s all changed now. Doritos are launching a new mystery-flavoured snack, and to promote it they’ve basically created a trailer for the world’s most terrifying interactive movie. The end result is that we can no longer eat corn-based snacks in the dark. And we work on the internet, Doritos! THAT’S WHAT WE DO!

Anyway, please find an unsettling Doritos advert after the jump…

Teenage boys, we have some good news for you – your wildest dreams are just about to come true.

Not that one. Not the dream where your face stops being covered in an inch-thick layer of bumfluff that makes you look like some sort of disgusting gawky monkey hybrid – the dream where you get to see Megan Fox naked. The red band trailer for Megan Fox’s new movie Jennifer’s Body has hit the internet.

And you know what red band means – gratuitous Megan Fox nudity. Or it means you briefly see the side of her boob and she swears once. It’s a secret.

If Megan Fox is going to be taken seriously as an actress rather than a piece of tabloid fodder who looks like a vinyl Angelina Jolie sex doll, then it’s time for her to start branching out. Luckily, that’s exactly what her new movie Jennifer’s Body allows her to do.

And a good job too – Megan Fox is obviously tired of playing the emotionally vacant bimbo who everyone wants to sleep with that she’s so far played in two Transformers movies and How To Lose Friends And Alienate People. That’s why Megan Fox should currently be leaping for joy that Jennifer’s Body has allowed her to play something completely different – the emotionally vacant bimbo who everyone wants to sleep with even though she’s probably a monster or something. That’s actually sort of similar, isn’t it? Oh.

But that doesn’t matter because the red band, probably-not-safe-for-work-if-you-work-with-a-bunch-of-harrumphing-Daily-Mail-reading-pensioners-from-Tunbridge-Wells Jennifer’s Body trailer has hit the internet. And the best news about it is that if you look very closely, have a surgical level of precision with the YouTube pause button and routinely hallucinate as a matter of course during most days, then you’ll definitely see Megan Fox sort of mostly naked.

Yeah, that’s got you going, hasn’t it? Here’s the Jennifer’s Body trailer in all its glory…

So, insultingly brief Megan Fox nudity aside, what can we expect from Jennifer’s Body? Well, judging by the trailer, we’d say the exact plot of the movie Species without Sir Ben Kingsley running around looking desperately like a man on the hunt for his career.

Oh we’re just kidding. Even though it looks like painfully generic horror fare, you have to remember that Jennifer’s Body was written by Juno’s Diablo Cody, so it’s bound to be completely different – at worst it’ll be painfully generic horror fare where everyone speaks at least five times more than they actually need to and you can’t really work out what’s going on because they’re all yammering on using impenetrably ironic 1970s hipster slang that’ll make you want to take a cricket bat to everyone on the planet who happens to be younger than you.

So that’s something.

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Hello, and welcome to another edition of Things About Vampires That Clearly Stomp All Over Twilight.

So far this week we’ve shown you a trailer for True Blood, which is what Twilight would be like if all the vampires weren’t such godawful namby-pambies, and now here’s the trailer for Blood: The Last Vampire, which is what Twilight would be like if all the vampires were kickass Asian schoolgirl kung-fu ninjas.

And if the phrase ‘kickass Asian schoolgirl kung-fu ninjas’ gets you as giddy as it does us, you really have to watch the Blood: The Last Vampire trailer after the jump. It’s epic…

So, yes, everyone’s very sad about Michael Jackson and everything. But we’ve got the perfect antidote.

Well, maybe not the perfect antidote. Maybe not an antidote at all, in fact – it’s a trailer for Dead Snow, a film about Nazi ice zombies. Oh, now you’re interested.

God knows what actually happens in Dead Snow, but we’re determined to see it thanks to the rule which states that any film featuring an undead Hitler monster staggering around and bellowing into the sky must be one of the best films ever made. Look, the Dead Snow trailer is after the jump. It’s plainly mental…

It has been a long time coming but the highly-anticipated 2012 trailer has finally been released to the public with much critical and fan adoration.

Following on from the popular trailers for Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla, Roland Emmerich proves that nobody is directing trailers with the same panache and reckless abandon for US monuments quite like the German trailer auteur.

Set in the not too distant future, the trailer for 2012 tells the story of a desperate families struggle to survive around the apocalypse. John Cusack stars as the father struggling to re-unite his broken family and save their lives from certain doom in this electrifying trailer performance.

“Cusack’s father is the moral core to the trailer’s story” quoted top television journalist Frank Wires of BBC’s Real Film. “The action comes thick and fast but without Cusack the integrity of this two and half minute trailer would be lost!”

Meanwhile Cusack is backed by a stellar supporting cast featuring Oliver Platt as the greasy Presidential Chief of Staff, a villain so despicable that his one line haunts the rest of the proceedings. The trailer also features veteran stage actor Chiwetel Ejiofor, who brings suitable gravitas as a scientist who may hold the key to humanity’s salvation – and Danny Glover appears in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-him cameo. This trailer is packed with star-wattage!

“The cast is electrifying” said one fan at the online premiere “I couldn’t take my eyes off of Chiwetel. His speech to Oliver Platt puts the whole film into relevant social context”.

The initial announcement that Emmerich was set to direct another disaster movie trailer was met with fan trepidation. After all, the trailer could have been an epic disaster. The last trailer released by Emmerich – the much maligned 10,000 BC – left audiences wondering whether the director still had it in him to pack the same two and a half minute punch we were used to. Luckily with everything from comets, floods and avalanches this trailer is sure not to disappoint his die-hard fanbase.

“We really didn’t want to retread old ground with this trailer” said visual effects honcho Carl Griffin. “We wanted people to feel that they were getting basically three or even four minutes of epic action packed into two and a half and that was a real challenge”. Everything from downtown L.A. to even the White House feature amongst the epic destruction - “We’ve all seen the White House destroyed before in the ID4 trailer and that was great! And we also flooded New York to great reaction in The Day After Tomorrow trailer…I think it was about six months into shooting when Roland came to me and said ‘Why don’t mix the two?’ Frankly we never looked back”.

The 2012 trailer is currently playing online everywhere, and proving to be a harrowing, exciting and action-packed production to rival any other trailer output from Paul W S Anderson, Brett Ratner or Michael Bay. It may be the end of the world but it’s hopefully the start of a long and exciting run of trailers from Roland Emmerich.

Here’s the trailer…