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Teen Steals Human Head to Use as Giant Bong

by Chris Laverty

If you pitched this story as a movie even David Lynch would tell you to get out of his office. “That’s just weird!” he’d scream as his creepy circus dwarf showed you the door. This headline won’t let you down though. It’s actually true. No, really, it is. Deep in America’s Morrisville heartland deranged teenager [...]

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Joan Rivers Provokes Yet Another Nightmare

by C J Davies

As though the BBC‘s fawning coverage of the Royal Wedding wasn’t vomit-inducing enough, stretch-faced lady guest Joan Rivers has publicly revealed her contribution to the ‘ceremony’. The comedienne – and Christ, we use that term in the loosest possible way – apparently wanted to throw a ‘lingerie shower’ for blushing bride Camilla Parker Bowles. This [...]

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Kiefer Sutherland Coming in Your Ear

by Chris Laverty

Podcasting, like blogging that preceded it (though that never really took off), is currently all the go in cyberpunkland. Which is why you can now catch a bit of Kiefer Sutherland getting on the act if you fancy. Fans of the never-ending saga of 24 can toddle off to Kaydo and hear a bit more [...]

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Mel C Is Sad, And It’s Our Fault

by Stuart Heritage

Former Spice Girl, Sporty Spice (Mel C) went through a period of ‘depression’ after she started as a solo singer. The woman who perfectly summed up the hardships of sleeping rough by writing "I couldn’t live without my phone/but you don’t even have a home", blames the media’s portrayal of women for making her feel [...]

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Crap Bin Laden lookalike arrested

by Stuart Heritage

Self-professed ‘comedy terrorist’ Aaron Barschak – the man who dressed up as Osama and kissed Prince William on his 21st – has hit the headlines again. This time, he’s been arrested on suspicion of making a bomb hoax at the offices of The Sun. This could possibly be a comment on the story in the [...]

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Arnold Schwarzenegger: ‘The Pope Was A Workout Freak’

by C J Davies

Bodybuilder turned crap actor turned crappier politician Arnold Schwarzenegger has given the recently-expired Pope one of the most bizarre tributes yet. Speaking to KNX Radio in Los Angeles, Arnie recalled that – during a 1983 visit to see the man himself – he and his holiness began talking about the papal exercise regime. Bodybuilder turned [...]

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Big Brother’s Kenzie Looks Back On His Life

by C J Davies

Celebrity Big Brother’s Kenzie – also a member of the Blazin’ Squad, that peculiar combination of pop-group-meets-school-trip-that-got-out-of-hand – has decided that the world is ready for his no-doubt scintillating life story. James MacKenzie – as the new, serious Kenzie will probably want to be known – is about to release a ‘scrapbook format’ retrospective of [...]

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Pillock Creates Dickens Theme Park

by Chris Laverty

And now an idea that makes Itchy and Scratchy Land (‘the violentest place on earth’) sound plausible. Some unnamed idiot is planning to take £60 million of a conglomerate of fools’ money and build Dickensworld. A Charles Dickens theme park. We shit you not.   And now an idea that makes Itchy and Scratchy Land [...]

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Paris Hilton In Ironic Sexual Position

by C J Davies

In a supremely post-modern turn of events, the owners of infamous Paris Hilton grubflick One Night In Paris (oh, very clever) have begun filing lawsuits against people who are duplicating and selling illegal copies of Ms. Hilton’s bedtime antics. Porn baron David Joseph is reportedly seeking a whopping three million dollars in damages from California [...]

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Dannii Minogue Is More Beautiful Than You!

by Stuart Heritage

Dannii Minogue, a possible contender for most pointless person in the known universe, has hit the news again. Minogue, who hasn’t really had any major chart success for year, might be learning that the only way to get attention is by saying really stupid things. Dannii Minogue, a possible contender for most pointless person in [...]

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