Uncategorized
Brooke Burke Wins Dancing With The Stars, So Hooray For That
The Dancing With The Stars final is always bittersweet - sweet because Dancing With The Stars is over, and bitter because we have to write about it. But that's not important, because last night the brand new Dancing With The Stars champion was named as Brooke Burke, a woman primarily famous for winning Dancing With The Stars just now, and nothing else. Nothing else at all. Ever. Seriously, ever. Anyway, Brooke Burke won Dancing With The Stars last night because she had a violent epileptic fit and thrashed about like a leashed animal trying to fight off an army of ghost bees. Oh, wait, no - we meant to say that it was because her freestyle dance was better than the freestyle dances by the gay one from 'N Sync and some other bloke we've never heard of. Our mistake.
The Dancing With The Stars final is always bittersweet - sweet because Dancing With The Stars is over, and bitter because we have to write about it. But that's not important, because last night the brand new Dancing With The Stars champion was named as Brooke Burke, a woman primarily famous for winning Dancing With The Stars just now, and nothing else. Nothing else at all. Ever. Seriously, ever. Anyway, Brooke Burke won Dancing With The Stars last night because she had a violent epileptic fit and thrashed about like a leashed animal trying to fight off an army of ghost bees. Oh, wait, no - we meant to say that it was because her freestyle dance was better than the freestyle dances by the gay one from 'N Sync and some other bloke we've never heard of. Our mistake.
Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Tom Chambers
And here's another batch of Strictly Come Dancing recaps. Would you expect anything less from us? You would? Oh. We're getting towards the end of Strictly Come Dancing now and, as such, only the strongest competitors are left in the running. Well, the strongest competitors and Christine Bleakley, who is clearly worse than everyone else but keeps getting voted through by the public. We think that means she'll have resigned by Friday. Here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Tom Chambers...
And here's another batch of Strictly Come Dancing recaps. Would you expect anything less from us? You would? Oh. We're getting towards the end of Strictly Come Dancing now and, as such, only the strongest competitors are left in the running. Well, the strongest competitors and Christine Bleakley, who is clearly worse than everyone else but keeps getting voted through by the public. We think that means she'll have resigned by Friday. Here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Tom Chambers...
Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Christine Bleakley
Strictly Come Dancing is just a few weeks from being over, so let's celebrate that with some Strictly Come Dancing recaps. As well as chucking out Jodie Kidd, Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing also marked the last dance by John Sergeant after his controversial resignation last week. And, if anything, it only strengthened our crush on his dance partner Kristina Rihanoff. After all, who doesn't love a girl who can't even go three poxy seconds without breaking down in tears like some sort of monstrous goon? Sexy. So here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Christine Bleakley...
Strictly Come Dancing is just a few weeks from being over, so let's celebrate that with some Strictly Come Dancing recaps. As well as chucking out Jodie Kidd, Saturday's Strictly Come Dancing also marked the last dance by John Sergeant after his controversial resignation last week. And, if anything, it only strengthened our crush on his dance partner Kristina Rihanoff. After all, who doesn't love a girl who can't even go three poxy seconds without breaking down in tears like some sort of monstrous goon? Sexy. So here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Christine Bleakley...
Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Jodie Kidd Skids Out
You people have lost heart - after ironically keeping John Sergeant on Strictly Come Dancing forever, you couldn't even do the same for Jodie Kidd. Last night Jodie Kidd became the latest contestant to be eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing. Her jive to Great Balls Of Fire was filled with strangulation, piggybacks and enough lyric-mouthing to fill a million soul-destroying YouTube video, but that couldn't stop it looking like either the climax to Godzilla Vs King Kong or a wildly malfunctioning piece of construction machinery. Still, Strictly Come Dancing's loss is the world of drug dealing's gain. Allegedly. But now Jodie Kidd is out of Strictly Come Dancing, who'll win? Here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon...
You people have lost heart - after ironically keeping John Sergeant on Strictly Come Dancing forever, you couldn't even do the same for Jodie Kidd. Last night Jodie Kidd became the latest contestant to be eliminated from Strictly Come Dancing. Her jive to Great Balls Of Fire was filled with strangulation, piggybacks and enough lyric-mouthing to fill a million soul-destroying YouTube video, but that couldn't stop it looking like either the climax to Godzilla Vs King Kong or a wildly malfunctioning piece of construction machinery. Still, Strictly Come Dancing's loss is the world of drug dealing's gain. Allegedly. But now Jodie Kidd is out of Strictly Come Dancing, who'll win? Here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Lisa Snowdon...
Strictly Come Dancing Recap: John’s Long Gone
So as you've all heard, John Sergeant has left Strictly Come Dancing of his own accord - but don't be sad. Although yesterday John's resignation may have felt like a punch to the stomach for everyone who enjoys looking at Bruce Forsyth's anguished face, we need to face the facts. In the cold light of day, all that's happened is a fat man has left a TV show about dancing. That's all. Besides, ironic voters shouldn't be too upset - there's still Jodie Kidd. Anyway, this is a sort of vaguely obituary-themed set of Strictly Come Dancing betting odds, for John Sergeant and Tom Chambers, who nobody really cares about today...
So as you've all heard, John Sergeant has left Strictly Come Dancing of his own accord - but don't be sad. Although yesterday John's resignation may have felt like a punch to the stomach for everyone who enjoys looking at Bruce Forsyth's anguished face, we need to face the facts. In the cold light of day, all that's happened is a fat man has left a TV show about dancing. That's all. Besides, ironic voters shouldn't be too upset - there's still Jodie Kidd. Anyway, this is a sort of vaguely obituary-themed set of Strictly Come Dancing betting odds, for John Sergeant and Tom Chambers, who nobody really cares about today...
John Sergeant Resigns From Strictly Come Dancing In A Strop
For weeks now, the British public have been keeping John Sergeant in Strictly Come Dancing for one reason and one reason alone. And that's because he's old, fat, sweats a lot and when he dances he looks like a man who's been dipped him in chip fat, plonked on an ice rink and had bullets fired at his shins. But regardless of that, John Sergeant had secured the public Strictly Come Dancing vote, much to the dismay of the judges and his fellow dancers. But now John Sergeant has decided to fall on his sword. Not literally - although if you did give John Sergeant a sword and tell him to perform a dance with it he'd probably fall on it by accident and end up squirting pints of his guts into Tess Daly's eye. What we mean is that John Sergeant has chosen to resign from Strictly Come Dancing.
For weeks now, the British public have been keeping John Sergeant in Strictly Come Dancing for one reason and one reason alone. And that's because he's old, fat, sweats a lot and when he dances he looks like a man who's been dipped him in chip fat, plonked on an ice rink and had bullets fired at his shins. But regardless of that, John Sergeant had secured the public Strictly Come Dancing vote, much to the dismay of the judges and his fellow dancers. But now John Sergeant has decided to fall on his sword. Not literally - although if you did give John Sergeant a sword and tell him to perform a dance with it he'd probably fall on it by accident and end up squirting pints of his guts into Tess Daly's eye. What we mean is that John Sergeant has chosen to resign from Strictly Come Dancing.
Squeaking Boychild Cody Linley Out Of Dancing With The Stars
The Dancing With The Stars final is a week away - but it's a final that'll happen without Cody Linley from Hannah Montana. Last night Cody Linley was voted out of Dancing With The Stars. Ostensibly this was because Dancing With The Stars viewers didn't vote for Cody Linley, but in reality it was probably because episodes of Dancing With The Stars now last for 400 full years and all of Cody Linley's fans are children and therefore get bored after three seconds and go and leave burning dog turds outside pensioners' front doors or something. But so what? Cody Linley might not be in the Dancing With The Stars final, but he's got his whole life ahead of him. His whole life that's already peaked by playing second-fiddle to Miley Cyrus on a gormless kid's TV show and coming fourth-best on a competition that's predominantly about spandex. So, yeah, good luck with that.
The Dancing With The Stars final is a week away - but it's a final that'll happen without Cody Linley from Hannah Montana. Last night Cody Linley was voted out of Dancing With The Stars. Ostensibly this was because Dancing With The Stars viewers didn't vote for Cody Linley, but in reality it was probably because episodes of Dancing With The Stars now last for 400 full years and all of Cody Linley's fans are children and therefore get bored after three seconds and go and leave burning dog turds outside pensioners' front doors or something. But so what? Cody Linley might not be in the Dancing With The Stars final, but he's got his whole life ahead of him. His whole life that's already peaked by playing second-fiddle to Miley Cyrus on a gormless kid's TV show and coming fourth-best on a competition that's predominantly about spandex. So, yeah, good luck with that.
Strictly Come Dancing Recap: Rachel Stevens
Strictly Come Dancing recaps? Yes. Here. What of it? You know, we've been thinking. Why doesn't a respected man like John Sergeant admit that enough's enough and his continued progress through Strictly Come Dancing is hurting more talented dancers? And now we know - it's only Strictly Come Dancing that's stopping him being a full-time Dave employee. No wonder he looks so desperate. Anyway, here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens...
Strictly Come Dancing recaps? Yes. Here. What of it? You know, we've been thinking. Why doesn't a respected man like John Sergeant admit that enough's enough and his continued progress through Strictly Come Dancing is hurting more talented dancers? And now we know - it's only Strictly Come Dancing that's stopping him being a full-time Dave employee. No wonder he looks so desperate. Anyway, here's the Strictly Come Dancing recap for Rachel Stevens...
