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Over the years, hecklerspray has brought all sorts of immature and hilarious things to your attention.

From a foul mouthed Postman Pat and sweary Tintin, it’s stupid things like this that makes us uncontrollably laugh like morons. However, both of those naughty clips weren’t done by their creators.

However, on a trek round YouTube, we discovered this little beauty from The Flintstones – and its actually real, not dubbed! The episode involves Fred and Barney accidentally joining the army and their other halves not being overly happy about it. Wilma sums up her feelings by saying “Fred always manages to bollocks things up.”

While we realise the episode is older then us and it probably wasn’t regarded as a naughty word back then, it’s still amusing to watch cartoon characters swear. Go on, lighten up!

Sun is in the sky oh why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else? Sun is in the sky oh why oh why, would I wanna be anywhere else?

These are just some of the lyrics that pop starlet Lily Allen wrote about London town, even though London is a city. But never mind her poor geography knowledge for now; we’ve got bigger problems to concentrate on.

As we’ve all seen in the newspapers, knife crime is currently depressing everyone in the UK and making pensioners believe all the yoof of today will stab them, so thank god that Lily Allen has oddly stepped in to save us all from being stabbed by an eight-year-old for a packet of sherbet. There is a god. And she seems to have three nipples.

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A hot and not list. How gay!

Folded:

• Kung Fu Panda (this is what the kids want: animals and violence!)
• The Sopranos pinball machine (‘woke up this morning, had a stupid idea’)
• Quizmania is coming back to the UK (hello 2006)
• Marks and Spencer ‘Woodspice’ aftershave (smell manly like your dad)
• Piers Morgan (don’t watch any of his TV, and he’s a right fat big head, yet his celeb-bashing weekly column is wicked fun)

Creased:

• The Mechanik starring Dolph Lundgren out now on DVD (the ‘k’ is ‘cos he’s foreign)
• Fake tan (for Christ sakes just go on holiday)
• Quizmania is coming back as an internet only programme (what?! Screw that)
• Lynx Boost (smell spicy like Pot Noodle)
• Gok’s Fashion Fix (or Gok’s programme about how great Gok is)

OK, don’t sue us under the trade description act. We can’t find a MySpace for this band. However, they are so good that we have to give you their website address. This lot make music out of vegetables! Bloody vegetables!

Made up of eleven people and a couple of visual artists and sound engineers, the Vienna Vegetable Orchestra have been wowing people around the world for over a decade with one of the stranger ways of creating sounds.

We always thought vegetables were there for being eaten or for a desperate housewife to relieve herself with. We’ll never look at a lettuce, pumpkin or onion again without wanting to make a funky number out of it.

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Sienna Miller has committed a grievous crime. She was recently photographed off the coast of Italy all lovey-dovey with actor Balthazar Getty, who is married with four children.

Sienna’s crime: bad posture. A topless Sienna Miller, hunched over like a squatting monkey, making wild gestures– just let that image sink in for a second – revokes her standard ‘Hottie Waiver’ when it comes to any moral violations such as adultery. It also subjects her to the standard Dratch Infraction. This, of course, rates the seriousness of how unattractive a woman is compared to Rachel Dratch doing, well, anything.

We’ve been informed that all charges will be dropped if Sienna Miller goes away. Forever. Please electronically sign this post in the comments section to support this cause. You can make a difference!

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Reality TV is brilliant.

Seriously. Why, hecklerspray simply can’t wait for the Autumn season and the superb roster of new shows it’ll bring - from Celebrity Piss Drinking to Maggot Farm Teen Romance to Look At Me, Look At Me, I Lack Any Real Basic Talent Or Charm But Look At Me Anyway.

Of course, there are many that claim the genre to have a tired and rather predictable formula. We say: bah! Just take a look at this clip and treat yourself to the wide variety of cliche-free, independent-minded characters the wonderful world of the tellybox has to offer.

After doing this feature for God knows how long, it’s just dawned upon us that we don’t have a witty opening tag to use every week.

You know how Q Magazine’s motto is ‘use crusty bands on the cover that are popular and will shift a few copies’. The NME’s words of wisdom are ‘recycle the same twenty bands every week and make up new genres like “post vacuum glam” to make us look hip and trendy’.

So after thinking long and hard we’ve come up with this drawn-out introductory paragraph. “Each week we try and bring you something a little bit different and isn’t necessarily going to make you the coolest kid in school. Here’s something that we think sounds ace, but hasn’t quite got the power to make A&R men wank out millions of pounds to whore it out on TV & Radio”. On second thoughts, that sounds really shit, so we’ll not bother. Here’s something much better, Modern Institute.

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Are you a parent and wondering what do to entertain your children this summer?

You could be like everyone else and do the same activities. Trips out to the overpriced cinema, fattening up your children at McDonald’s or even a day trip to the countryside to step in fox shit and get stung by stinging nettles.

One of the more popular things to do is visit a theme park. Alton Towers, Lightwater Valley and Thorpe Park are just some of the many attractions offering white knuckle rides to thrill seekers. Only problem is that these places are always full, and two hours queuing for a four-minute ride doesn’t really seem worth it. But fear not mummy or daddy, this year your youngsters will be pestering you to go to newest theme park that set to open: Katona Land.

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If we could only harness the power of stupidity, then the upcoming global energy crisis would be no cause for concern whatsoever.

In fact, given the level of lunacy collected on spEak You’re bRanes - a site named after the classic segment on The Day Today - the planet would have so much excess power whirring around that we’d be forced to jettison some of it into space, thereby knocking the moon out of orbit and upsetting UFO pilots.

All the comments on spEak You’re bRanes are taken directly from the ‘Have Your Say’ section of the BBC News website. It’s essentially a ‘best of the worst’ of amazingly misguided public opinion. Be warned, however - trawl these archives and you’ll find that the eternal laugh/cry dichotomy has never been so stark nor so fierce…

spEak You’re bRanes

Face it, this interminable soap opera between Alex Rodriguez, Madonna and their respective spouses isn’t going to end any time soon.

Yesterday you might have thought that it was winding up, thanks to Madonna’s firm denial of an ‘affair of the heart’ with Alex Rodriguez, but it’s all been blown wide apart again. Alex Rodriguez, you see, has confessed his love for Madonna and called her his ‘fucking soulmate’.

OK, admittedly Alex Rodriguez did this months ago, but it’s only just come to light. And you know what this means, don’t you? It means that this is never going to end. Ever. Whatever you do for the rest of your natural life, you’ll be getting it in the ear about Madonna and Alex Rodriguez. We can’t help feeling that this is some form of sick cosmic punishment for a crime we don’t remember - but we’re sorry. Just make it stop.

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In the UK, to win any sort of talent show, you need a gut-wrenching tale that will pull everyone’s heartstrings. Or if you’re Leon Jackson from X Factor, you should just burst into floods of tears every other minute to guarantee success.

The first winner of Britain’s Got Talent – Paul Potts - overcame his eating addiction to pies/ small children/ chips and replaced Pavarotti as the world’s favourite fat tenor.

Earlier this year, pint-sized mover George Sampson boogied on down to win £100,000 and a stint at the Royal Variety show. However, instead of us all learning how he trained long and hard to win, we got to hear about the crippling illness he battled against and how his father abandoned him. Why is it that no-one in this bloody country can win anything without having some horrid flashback about being attacked by trolls?

Thankfully, it’s up to our American friends to be proud of whom they are. Take this lady for example – Busty Heart. Sounding like a B-movie pornstar she takes to the stage and uses her weapons of mass destruction to destroy some tin cans and pieces of wood. Watching her do so almost sends us in to a hypnotic trance.

Hecklerspray once tried faking a heart attack.

We weren’t very good at it - all that foaming at the mouth, flailing our arms around and screeching out incomprehensible wails and grunts simply made people think that we were some sort of Pete Doherty tribute act, whereupon they either gave us a tenner to scurry off and buy a bag of heroin or just slapped us in the face repeatedly. Mainly the latter.

Still. Our attempt was, like, six million billion times better than that of Keison Wilkins. Who he? He’s the chap who, after deciding to defend himself in court, thought that the best course of action was to fake a heart attack and hope for a mistrial.

He failed.

And was sentenced to 42 years.