TV Reviews / Previews
Big Brother: Hira’s Gone. Remember Hira?
So on Friday, Lisa was the housemate officially least likely to win Big Brother, and all of Davina McCall's links were rendered inaudible by mob chanting "Get Lisa out!" So, naturally, Hira was evicted. Poor Hira, a victim of Big Brother's 'vote to save' policy last week. Still, we'll remember you Hira. That was your name, right? Hira? We can't really mentally place your face, but if you come up to us and tell us your name, there's about a 50% likelihood that we'll remember you. Anyway, onto the Big Brother housemates who've caught our eye this week - Dogface, Halfwit and Rodrigo...
So on Friday, Lisa was the housemate officially least likely to win Big Brother, and all of Davina McCall's links were rendered inaudible by mob chanting "Get Lisa out!" So, naturally, Hira was evicted. Poor Hira, a victim of Big Brother's 'vote to save' policy last week. Still, we'll remember you Hira. That was your name, right? Hira? We can't really mentally place your face, but if you come up to us and tell us your name, there's about a 50% likelihood that we'll remember you. Anyway, onto the Big Brother housemates who've caught our eye this week - Dogface, Halfwit and Rodrigo...
Big Brother: Good Lord, Everyone’s Up For Eviction
This is just a wild punt, but we're guessing that tomorrow's Big Brother eviction is going to be the most exciting of the series so far. Why? Because everybody is up for eviction. The viewers finally have the chance to vote out the Big Brother housemate who annoys them the most, regardless of who's been nominated. Well, actually that's not strictly true - what's actually going to happen is that the viewers have to vote to save their favourite housemate, which means that tomorrow's evictee will be the housemate who people care the least about. Which, in our case, is everyone. Let's look at the three Big Brother housemates who we think are most likely to get booted out tomorrow - Hira, Lisa and Bea...
This is just a wild punt, but we're guessing that tomorrow's Big Brother eviction is going to be the most exciting of the series so far. Why? Because everybody is up for eviction. The viewers finally have the chance to vote out the Big Brother housemate who annoys them the most, regardless of who's been nominated. Well, actually that's not strictly true - what's actually going to happen is that the viewers have to vote to save their favourite housemate, which means that tomorrow's evictee will be the housemate who people care the least about. Which, in our case, is everyone. Let's look at the three Big Brother housemates who we think are most likely to get booted out tomorrow - Hira, Lisa and Bea...
America’s Got Talent: Simon Cowell Demands A Rematch
Tuesday night saw the re-auditioning of some of the season's losers, per the orders of Godfather Simon Cowell. Last week, America's Got Talent brought a couple hundred of its remaining acts to Las Vegas. More specifically, to a Las Vegas airport hangar. Upon their arrival David Hasselhoff appeared, dressed as a homosexual 18th Century plantation owner, to tell all of the best acts that the whole thing had been a con and they were going straight back home. The foolishness was halted by an unexpected phonecall from the ultimate boss, Simon Cowell, telling the moronic judges they had to reconsider their choices. So, who would be back in? Let's see...
Tuesday night saw the re-auditioning of some of the season's losers, per the orders of Godfather Simon Cowell. Last week, America's Got Talent brought a couple hundred of its remaining acts to Las Vegas. More specifically, to a Las Vegas airport hangar. Upon their arrival David Hasselhoff appeared, dressed as a homosexual 18th Century plantation owner, to tell all of the best acts that the whole thing had been a con and they were going straight back home. The foolishness was halted by an unexpected phonecall from the ultimate boss, Simon Cowell, telling the moronic judges they had to reconsider their choices. So, who would be back in? Let's see...
Big Brother: Noirin’s Out, And She’s Taken Her Idiot Boyfriend With Her
Yeah, well done Big Brother - this gimmick of bringing in the housemates' partners is working a treat, isn't it? Remember when Karly's boyfriend was brought in, then Karly was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards? Well guess what - Noirin's boyfriend was brought into the Big Brother house last week, then Norin was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards. We don't know what to say - other than that the Big Brother producers should probably get Lisa's girlfriend in pronto. But now Noirin's gone, here are the Big Brother housemates who've caught our eye this week...
Yeah, well done Big Brother - this gimmick of bringing in the housemates' partners is working a treat, isn't it? Remember when Karly's boyfriend was brought in, then Karly was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards? Well guess what - Noirin's boyfriend was brought into the Big Brother house last week, then Norin was evicted, then her boyfriend did a runner immediately afterwards. We don't know what to say - other than that the Big Brother producers should probably get Lisa's girlfriend in pronto. But now Noirin's gone, here are the Big Brother housemates who've caught our eye this week...
Jon & Kate Plus 8: The Harrowing Return – Plus Tents!
Jon and Kate Gosselin have been through what's possibly the most despair-ridden period of their entire lives. But now they're back. The divorce-postponed season of Jon & Kate Plus 8 resumes on Monday, and it promises to shine an unforgiving spotlight on a marriage torn apart by the pressures of fame. It will be bleak. It will be unrelentingly miserable. And yesterday we were given a tantalising hint at what dark scenes of emotional anguish we can expect from the Jon & Kate Plus 8 premiere. Apparently Kate puts a tent up in a funny way. Oh, the agony! It's too much!
Jon and Kate Gosselin have been through what's possibly the most despair-ridden period of their entire lives. But now they're back. The divorce-postponed season of Jon & Kate Plus 8 resumes on Monday, and it promises to shine an unforgiving spotlight on a marriage torn apart by the pressures of fame. It will be bleak. It will be unrelentingly miserable. And yesterday we were given a tantalising hint at what dark scenes of emotional anguish we can expect from the Jon & Kate Plus 8 premiere. Apparently Kate puts a tent up in a funny way. Oh, the agony! It's too much!
Big Brother: It’s Noirin Vs Marcus
Unless another self-absorbed bellend decides to hoik themselves over the perimeter wall, tomorrow's Big Brother eviction will be a special one. The housemates up for eviction are Noirin and Marcus - two thirds of the most unnecessarily melodramatic relationships in the history of Big Brother. If Noirin goes, both Marcus and Siavash lose their dream girl, and if Marcus goes... well, if Marcus goes there won't be a little fat bloke dressed as Wolverine wrapped in a blanket in the middle of the Big Brother garden all the time. So who's going to leave the Big Brother house tomorrow? Let's find out...
Unless another self-absorbed bellend decides to hoik themselves over the perimeter wall, tomorrow's Big Brother eviction will be a special one. The housemates up for eviction are Noirin and Marcus - two thirds of the most unnecessarily melodramatic relationships in the history of Big Brother. If Noirin goes, both Marcus and Siavash lose their dream girl, and if Marcus goes... well, if Marcus goes there won't be a little fat bloke dressed as Wolverine wrapped in a blanket in the middle of the Big Brother garden all the time. So who's going to leave the Big Brother house tomorrow? Let's find out...
America’s Got Talent: Kari Callin Just Can’t Lose… Oh.
Here it is, then. Enough of the freaks, losers and oddbods. Time now for the, you know, perfectly normal talented folk. LOL, whatever! It's the AGT quarter-finals. In Vegas, baby! Las Vegas: home to sexually-desperate bachelor parties, the nasty ladies who satisfy their carnal needs and, now, 40 of America's most talented groups of people to... entertain them? That doesn't seem quite right. Ah, yes: to send them running and screaming back to Asswipe, Montana while gibbering about singing seniors, precocious juniors, and English talent judges who speak only the language known as "Dribble". More details about the whole painful mess of post-auditions week after this little jump.
Here it is, then. Enough of the freaks, losers and oddbods. Time now for the, you know, perfectly normal talented folk. LOL, whatever! It's the AGT quarter-finals. In Vegas, baby! Las Vegas: home to sexually-desperate bachelor parties, the nasty ladies who satisfy their carnal needs and, now, 40 of America's most talented groups of people to... entertain them? That doesn't seem quite right. Ah, yes: to send them running and screaming back to Asswipe, Montana while gibbering about singing seniors, precocious juniors, and English talent judges who speak only the language known as "Dribble". More details about the whole painful mess of post-auditions week after this little jump.
Big Brother: Tom Effs Off
Thanks to Kenneth rubberstamping his tossishness by legging it over a wall last week, there wasn't a Big Brother eviction on Friday. But there's still one less Big Brother housemate than there was on Friday morning, and that's all thanks to Tom. Tom - who you may recognise as the muscular posho who periodically thought he was Maxwell from Big Brother 2005 - also left the Big Brother house this weekend because - oh, actually, who cares? He was rubbish anyway. Instead of profiling the housemates who've caught our eye this week, we're actually going to look at some of the loose Big Brother couples today. Exciting...
Thanks to Kenneth rubberstamping his tossishness by legging it over a wall last week, there wasn't a Big Brother eviction on Friday. But there's still one less Big Brother housemate than there was on Friday morning, and that's all thanks to Tom. Tom - who you may recognise as the muscular posho who periodically thought he was Maxwell from Big Brother 2005 - also left the Big Brother house this weekend because - oh, actually, who cares? He was rubbish anyway. Instead of profiling the housemates who've caught our eye this week, we're actually going to look at some of the loose Big Brother couples today. Exciting...
