TV Reviews / Previews
X Factor Bootcamp Recap: John & Edward And Other Awful Sods
Hey, did you see X Factor this weekend? You did? Good. Then you won't need a recap, will you? Because recapping X Factor's bootcamp stage is stupidity itself, really. The whole show is just hour after hour of two-second clips of dumpy people going "HUUUUUAGH!" on a stage followed by Cheryl Cole pulling a funny face. It's pointless. But then so are we, so we're going to do it anyway. Here are the X Factor acts who stood out for us this weekend, including Miss Frank, It Takez 2 and, oh heavens, John & Edward...
Hey, did you see X Factor this weekend? You did? Good. Then you won't need a recap, will you? Because recapping X Factor's bootcamp stage is stupidity itself, really. The whole show is just hour after hour of two-second clips of dumpy people going "HUUUUUAGH!" on a stage followed by Cheryl Cole pulling a funny face. It's pointless. But then so are we, so we're going to do it anyway. Here are the X Factor acts who stood out for us this weekend, including Miss Frank, It Takez 2 and, oh heavens, John & Edward...
X Factor Recap: Big Double Bill Action
And so it was the weekend when the big pulsating brains behind X Factor decided that they might as well do two shows in two days. That equals around three hours of hot singing action, plus judges comments. Dannii Minogue, fast receding into the background, has ceased to say anything of worth, and the occasional flashes to her still, eerie face have carved her a niche as the only subliminal judge on the panel. The other three still cast their important judgements, and Cheryl has now taken to the stage on at least three occasions to hug the weeping contestants, much like Mother Teresa would, had she ever been given the chance to get out of the slums to judge a singing contest instead. She's dead now, bless her. Has been for ages.
And so it was the weekend when the big pulsating brains behind X Factor decided that they might as well do two shows in two days. That equals around three hours of hot singing action, plus judges comments. Dannii Minogue, fast receding into the background, has ceased to say anything of worth, and the occasional flashes to her still, eerie face have carved her a niche as the only subliminal judge on the panel. The other three still cast their important judgements, and Cheryl has now taken to the stage on at least three occasions to hug the weeping contestants, much like Mother Teresa would, had she ever been given the chance to get out of the slums to judge a singing contest instead. She's dead now, bless her. Has been for ages.
Entourage: Season 5 – DVD Review
Entourage has been described as the male Sex and the City. Strange, considering that Entourage has more wit, talent and imagination in one line of dialogue than Sex and the City had in its entirely overlong, over-hyped, self-indulgent, commercialised, horse-faced, mass-menopausal film. If you're not up to speed, the plot basically centres around Hollywood A-lister Vincent Chase (Adrian Grenier) and his tag-alongs. 'E' (Kevin Connolly) is Vincent's manager, Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) is his driver and Drama (Kevin Dillon) is his less successful acting brother. Together, along with the always-modest Ari (Vince's agent - Jeremy Piven), they try to bag movie roles, women and a good time on a weekly basis.
Entourage has been described as the male Sex and the City. Strange, considering that Entourage has more wit, talent and imagination in one line of dialogue than Sex and the City had in its entirely overlong, over-hyped, self-indulgent, commercialised, horse-faced, mass-menopausal film. If you're not up to speed, the plot basically centres around Hollywood A-lister Vincent Chase (Adrian Grenier) and his tag-alongs. 'E' (Kevin Connolly) is Vincent's manager, Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) is his driver and Drama (Kevin Dillon) is his less successful acting brother. Together, along with the always-modest Ari (Vince's agent - Jeremy Piven), they try to bag movie roles, women and a good time on a weekly basis.
X Factor Recap: Olly Murs And Some Other Bad Idiots
Yay! Big Brother's finished! Yay! That means we can talk about X Factor now! Yay! Until Christmas! Yay! Or until we take our own lives! YAY! Now, X Factor is still in that awful, unnecessarily long early audition part where people turn up, sing in a hilariously bad way and then go home to develop lifelong violent revenge fixations on Louis Walsh. These episodes barely warrant recaps, to be honest, but how else could we spend our time? Seeing friends? Going outside? Pah. So here are the X Factor contestants from Saturday who caught our eye - Olly Murs, Demi Cullum and Carla Schettini...
Yay! Big Brother's finished! Yay! That means we can talk about X Factor now! Yay! Until Christmas! Yay! Or until we take our own lives! YAY! Now, X Factor is still in that awful, unnecessarily long early audition part where people turn up, sing in a hilariously bad way and then go home to develop lifelong violent revenge fixations on Louis Walsh. These episodes barely warrant recaps, to be honest, but how else could we spend our time? Seeing friends? Going outside? Pah. So here are the X Factor contestants from Saturday who caught our eye - Olly Murs, Demi Cullum and Carla Schettini...
Dollhouse: Season 1 – Review
Delve into the underbelly of internet über-geekdom and you won't be far away from the forum-dwelling hordes who bow down at the altar of one Joss Whedon. Those inhabitants will tell you stories of how Firefly was cruelly and prematurely cancelled. Hope was on the horizon, as Whedon has stretched his hand down once again to those disciples and bestowed upon them a new gift - one that comes in the form of Eliza Dushku in a leather dominatrix outfit.
Delve into the underbelly of internet über-geekdom and you won't be far away from the forum-dwelling hordes who bow down at the altar of one Joss Whedon. Those inhabitants will tell you stories of how Firefly was cruelly and prematurely cancelled. Hope was on the horizon, as Whedon has stretched his hand down once again to those disciples and bestowed upon them a new gift - one that comes in the form of Eliza Dushku in a leather dominatrix outfit.
Sophie Reade Wins Big Brother – Oh, At Least Pretend To Care
Without question, Big Brother 2009 will be remembered for one of three things. It could be remembered as the Big Brother that nobody cared about. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother that was won by Sophie Reade, 2009's obligatory thick blonde girl with big knockers. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother where Davina McCall turned up to the final in fancy dress and nobody really understood why. But whatever. On Friday night Sophie Reade emerged triumphant as the winner of Big Brother 2009. So that'll be the last that anyone hears from her, then.
Without question, Big Brother 2009 will be remembered for one of three things. It could be remembered as the Big Brother that nobody cared about. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother that was won by Sophie Reade, 2009's obligatory thick blonde girl with big knockers. Or it could be remembered as the Big Brother where Davina McCall turned up to the final in fancy dress and nobody really understood why. But whatever. On Friday night Sophie Reade emerged triumphant as the winner of Big Brother 2009. So that'll be the last that anyone hears from her, then.
Big Brother Final! Who’s Going To Win? Dogface? Oh, Right
Tonight's the big night! After approximately most of our entire life, this series of Big Brother will end tonight. We jest - in all seriousness Big Brother has actually had one of the best years on record. But nobody cares, because hardly anyone watched it and it's dying soon anyway so what's the point? Huh? What's the bloody point point of anything any more? Anyway, which of the remaining Big Brother housemates will end up winning the prize money, releasing a fitness DVD and embarking on a disastrous pop career? Time to have one final look, we suppose...
Tonight's the big night! After approximately most of our entire life, this series of Big Brother will end tonight. We jest - in all seriousness Big Brother has actually had one of the best years on record. But nobody cares, because hardly anyone watched it and it's dying soon anyway so what's the point? Huh? What's the bloody point point of anything any more? Anyway, which of the remaining Big Brother housemates will end up winning the prize money, releasing a fitness DVD and embarking on a disastrous pop career? Time to have one final look, we suppose...
Hey Look, It’s The Strictly Come Dancers!
While Simon Cowell prepares to spend the late Summer/Early Autumn explaining to people with special needs that while they might be special, it's not the good singing special that he's after, the Strictly Come Dancing judges have already vetted their contestants, fishing instead from the very deep waters of minor celebrity. Allow us to introduce the sixteen famous faces preparing to show the exact contours of their crotches to the nation...
While Simon Cowell prepares to spend the late Summer/Early Autumn explaining to people with special needs that while they might be special, it's not the good singing special that he's after, the Strictly Come Dancing judges have already vetted their contestants, fishing instead from the very deep waters of minor celebrity. Allow us to introduce the sixteen famous faces preparing to show the exact contours of their crotches to the nation...
