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TV Reviews / Previews

Strictly Come Dancing Review: The Producers Get Evil

by Jacki Evans

Do you remember the days when standing ovations meant something? When the simple act of standing up and doing some clapping meant you’d seen something really truly fantastic? Yes? Well, last night’s Strictly Come Dancing was out to crush those memories. Crush them to pieces. Because last night wasn’t just any Strictly. No, it was [...]

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The X Factor Final Review: The One Where No More X Factor Ever Ever Happened Ever Again For a Bit

by Sophie Hall

Hello. Do you remember when you watched The X Factor final yesterday? Well, by an astonishing coincidence, so did we. And crikey, wasn’t it just totally and definitely and absolutely unequivocally passable? Yeah. Take that, H8ERS. *Dermot tongue roll* ALRIIIIGHT. It was in two halves, like the bloody brilliant darling that it is. Is it [...]

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Young Apprentice Review: Evil Maths Cocks It Up

by Jacki Evans

Maths. That most hated of subjects for millions of schoolchildren every year. It’s truly evil. And last night, it proved that its terrifying evil grip extends beyond the classroom and into reality TV, as Lord Sugar found himself having to fire four people at once because somebody somewhere had forgotten to match the number of [...]

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Strictly Come Dancing Review: There’s Almost an Upset

by Jacki Evans

This week on Strictly, it wasn’t just the quarter finals. Oh no, that wouldn’t be anywhere near exciting enough. So the producers came up with a hastily-thought-up-and-not-at-all-stolen-from-the-X Factor theme. And so we had Strictly Movie Week. Which was mostly an excuse for atrocious VTs featuring some truly, truly terrible acting. And some tights. Oh yes, [...]

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The X Factor Review; Week 16: Louis Walsh’s Wikipedia Search History, A Love Story

by Sophie Hall

We have two more weeks of The X Factor left, and then we can go and do something else in our brains. We know. It’s amazing. Amazing how it’s all gone so marrow-achingly slow isn’t it? Amazing how time can absolutely not shift for three months in the slightest sometimes. Amazing. A bit like how [...]

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Review: Desperate Scousewives (Or: Why Paul McCartney Will Now Affect A Boltonian Accent)

by Robin Darke

Derek Acorah, Colleen Rooney and Jennifer Ellison. What does these people all have in common? They’re all gigantic dicks. Dicks that are so bulbous that slightly less dense objects, like Abbey Clancy gravitate towards them and start to orbit them. Like the rest of the Sun and Pluto. (Did you know that the galaxy is [...]

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Young Apprentice Review: Smashing Gender Stereotypes

by Jacki Evans

Shopping. If there’s one thing teenage girls are meant to be good at, it’s that. Right? Well, apparently not. For last night on Young Apprentice, Lord Sugar’s minions proved that particular stereotype spectacularly wrong. The task they were set was simple enough; they just had to buy stuff. That’s it. Not buy stuff and sell [...]

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Strictly Come Dancing Review: Brendan Declares War

by Jacki Evans

Wasn’t last week’s Strictly jolly exciting, what with all the thousands of people and the being at Wembley? Who cares that they finally got rid of World’s Happiest Man Russell Grant; it was WEMBLEY and that is supposed to be AMAZING. Everyone, everywhere was talking about it. If by “everyone”, you mean the Strictly contestants. [...]

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X Factor Review Week 15: Angina in Your Hand

by Sophie Hall

Well, what another hotbed of mayhem and violation of societal norms it’s been on the X Factor this week. Whatever you do, don’t let us go on and on about it, kay? This week on The X Factor, the sound editors got in an extra crate of Aftershock (Spiced Berry black, obviously. They’re not squares) [...]

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TV Review: The Cafe (Or: Ralf Little Writes Awful Sitcom; Su Johnston Starts Screening Her Calls)

by Robin Darke

Remember back in the mid noughties when everyone was all “Oh, The Royle Family is so indicative of the modern day working class, and it’s a problem that we need to address,” and “I know someone just like Denise. She’s a feckless moron as well. Terrible BO” and everything was “My Arse”? We all can. [...]

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