TV Reviews / Previews
X Factor Recap: Toodleoo, Rachel Adedeji
X Factor's Rock Night on Saturday wasn't very good for Rachel Adedeji, because it finally saw them get the boot from the show. But they didn't get the worst deal of it. No, that would be us. Because we had to watch the poxy thing. Honestly, we think 'Rock Night' might have been a typo - surely it was really called Cock Night or Suck Night or Let's Transparently Try And Make Jamie Look Better Than He Actually Is Night. Yick. Anyway, let's have a bit of an X Factor recap, shall we?
X Factor's Rock Night on Saturday wasn't very good for Rachel Adedeji, because it finally saw them get the boot from the show. But they didn't get the worst deal of it. No, that would be us. Because we had to watch the poxy thing. Honestly, we think 'Rock Night' might have been a typo - surely it was really called Cock Night or Suck Night or Let's Transparently Try And Make Jamie Look Better Than He Actually Is Night. Yick. Anyway, let's have a bit of an X Factor recap, shall we?
Dancing With The Stars Loses Teenage Witch, Other Chap
If you were Melissa Joan Hart, you'd probably want to be known for something other than Sabrina The Teenage Witch. So good for Melissa Joan Hart. She's finally exorcised the witch. Now, whenever people think of her, they won't think of all the things that defined her hit show - like the creepy talking cat, her weirdly sexual aunt and the fact that appeared to still be attending high school in her mid-thirties - they'll think of her as the woman who once came eighth in a middling season of Dancing With The Stars. Unless Louie Vito gets remembered for that instead. He came eighth on Dancing With The Stars last night, too.
If you were Melissa Joan Hart, you'd probably want to be known for something other than Sabrina The Teenage Witch. So good for Melissa Joan Hart. She's finally exorcised the witch. Now, whenever people think of her, they won't think of all the things that defined her hit show - like the creepy talking cat, her weirdly sexual aunt and the fact that appeared to still be attending high school in her mid-thirties - they'll think of her as the woman who once came eighth in a middling season of Dancing With The Stars. Unless Louie Vito gets remembered for that instead. He came eighth on Dancing With The Stars last night, too.
Kate Gosselin Promises Us That We’re The Only One Suffering
Did you watch the 'You Ask, Kate Answers' Jon & Kate Plus 8 special last night? What's that? You didn't? Because Jon & Kate Plus 8 generally makes you quite angry? And just the thought of Kate Gosselin getting an hour of television to carp on about herself makes you hatch wicked revenge plots against humanity? Well fine. You missed out on Kate Gosselin's promise that her children weren't suffering. And you missed out on Kate Gosselin's claim that she wants to be a film star. And you missed out on us stabbing ourselves in the thigh with a pair of scissors so we'd have something less painful to concentrate on.
Did you watch the 'You Ask, Kate Answers' Jon & Kate Plus 8 special last night? What's that? You didn't? Because Jon & Kate Plus 8 generally makes you quite angry? And just the thought of Kate Gosselin getting an hour of television to carp on about herself makes you hatch wicked revenge plots against humanity? Well fine. You missed out on Kate Gosselin's promise that her children weren't suffering. And you missed out on Kate Gosselin's claim that she wants to be a film star. And you missed out on us stabbing ourselves in the thigh with a pair of scissors so we'd have something less painful to concentrate on.
X Factor Recap: Oh, Bye Then Miss Frank
Time for us to recap X Factor - the show so preposterous that it makes 2012 look like a low-budget Scandinavian arthouse film about lesbians. As you probably saw last night Miss Frank became the latest contestant to leave X Factor. And it was a shock - specifically because the British public had the chance to forget about Danyl Johnson forever, and they blew it. Idiots. Anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Big Band night, which is historically the least unbearable show of the series. So let's have a little recap, shall we?
Time for us to recap X Factor - the show so preposterous that it makes 2012 look like a low-budget Scandinavian arthouse film about lesbians. As you probably saw last night Miss Frank became the latest contestant to leave X Factor. And it was a shock - specifically because the British public had the chance to forget about Danyl Johnson forever, and they blew it. Idiots. Anyway, Saturday's X Factor was Big Band night, which is historically the least unbearable show of the series. So let's have a little recap, shall we?
24: Season 7 – DVD Review
In 24, Jack Bauer has managed to successfully battle presidential assassinations, nuclear bombs and wild cougars over the years - but latter seasons have left audiences less than gripped. Season 7 sets to bring back what made the show unmissable - and it's the best season so far.
In 24, Jack Bauer has managed to successfully battle presidential assassinations, nuclear bombs and wild cougars over the years - but latter seasons have left audiences less than gripped. Season 7 sets to bring back what made the show unmissable - and it's the best season so far.
True Blood: Season One DVD Review
What is it about the Deep South of America that scares the crap out of me? If ever I was to rank all the places in the world according to where I would like to go before I die, it would probably appear below warzones Afghanistan and Burma. It’s still above France though. It’s ridiculous, I know, but I’m British. My only knowledge of the area comes from appalling horror movies and one heavily-edited episode of Top Gear. But there is something about the place which really freaks me out.
What is it about the Deep South of America that scares the crap out of me? If ever I was to rank all the places in the world according to where I would like to go before I die, it would probably appear below warzones Afghanistan and Burma. It’s still above France though. It’s ridiculous, I know, but I’m British. My only knowledge of the area comes from appalling horror movies and one heavily-edited episode of Top Gear. But there is something about the place which really freaks me out.
Dancing With The Stars Ejects Natalie Coughlin, Whoever She Is
Oh Natalie Coughlin, we hardly knew you. No, literally, we're still not completely sure who you are. And now you're gone. Last night Natalie Coughlin became the latest celebrity to be voted off Dancing With The Stars, after a nail-biting dance-off with Aaron Carter. So in many ways she's lucky that she only went home, because we've always been of the understanding that anybody who is worse than Aaron Carter at anything at all should be smacked on the head and thrown to the lions. In other Dancing With The Stars news, Kelly Osbourne hasn't been eliminated yet. We know! Weird!
Oh Natalie Coughlin, we hardly knew you. No, literally, we're still not completely sure who you are. And now you're gone. Last night Natalie Coughlin became the latest celebrity to be voted off Dancing With The Stars, after a nail-biting dance-off with Aaron Carter. So in many ways she's lucky that she only went home, because we've always been of the understanding that anybody who is worse than Aaron Carter at anything at all should be smacked on the head and thrown to the lions. In other Dancing With The Stars news, Kelly Osbourne hasn't been eliminated yet. We know! Weird!
X Factor Recap: Oh Dear, That’s Ricky Loney Done For
Last night Ricky Loney was eliminated from X Factor. Hopefully you didn't form a close attachment to him. Oh, of course you didn't - he was arse-awful. But aside from that gigantic inevitability, what else happened on X Factor this weekend? Well, Whitney Houston was the guest mentor, so the theme was obviously Diva Night. We heard it was going to be Ludicrous Former Crack-Addict Hasbeens Who Need Weird-Haired Frank Butcher Lookalike Sidekicks To Keep Them Upright, but that was found to be slightly too niche. Anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do this weekend? Time for that recap you've all been waiting for...
Last night Ricky Loney was eliminated from X Factor. Hopefully you didn't form a close attachment to him. Oh, of course you didn't - he was arse-awful. But aside from that gigantic inevitability, what else happened on X Factor this weekend? Well, Whitney Houston was the guest mentor, so the theme was obviously Diva Night. We heard it was going to be Ludicrous Former Crack-Addict Hasbeens Who Need Weird-Haired Frank Butcher Lookalike Sidekicks To Keep Them Upright, but that was found to be slightly too niche. Anyway, how did the X Factor contestants do this weekend? Time for that recap you've all been waiting for...
