TV Reviews / Previews
Big Brother: It’s Sree Vs Halfwit Tomorrow!
Another week, another set of Big Brother eviction nominations. Ho hum. Incidentally, does anyone else think that we're due some fresh blood in the Big Brother house? We're 29 days into the show already, and the most exciting thing to have happened was when Noirin drew on her own face. This is easily the dullest Big Brother on record, and the best way to liven it up would be to introduce a new housemate. Or a flesh-eating virus. Actually, let's go with the virus. Tomorrow will see the Big Brother eviction of either Sree or Halfwit. Let's take a closer look...
Another week, another set of Big Brother eviction nominations. Ho hum. Incidentally, does anyone else think that we're due some fresh blood in the Big Brother house? We're 29 days into the show already, and the most exciting thing to have happened was when Noirin drew on her own face. This is easily the dullest Big Brother on record, and the best way to liven it up would be to introduce a new housemate. Or a flesh-eating virus. Actually, let's go with the virus. Tomorrow will see the Big Brother eviction of either Sree or Halfwit. Let's take a closer look...
Big Brother: Angel Gone, Others Unfortunately Not Gone
Poor old Angel. Just a few weeks into Big Brother and already she's been evicted. How sad. Whatever will Angel do with her life now? Apart, you know, from her professional boxing, professional singing, professional tattoo-artisting, fashion design, fitness coaching and all-round looking a bit like a man? We literally have no idea. That poor girl's all at sea. We'd worry about her, but we'll have forgotten what her name is by Wednesday so it hardly seems worth it. Anyway, now that Angel's gone, here's who's been catching our eye in the Big Brother house this week...
Poor old Angel. Just a few weeks into Big Brother and already she's been evicted. How sad. Whatever will Angel do with her life now? Apart, you know, from her professional boxing, professional singing, professional tattoo-artisting, fashion design, fitness coaching and all-round looking a bit like a man? We literally have no idea. That poor girl's all at sea. We'd worry about her, but we'll have forgotten what her name is by Wednesday so it hardly seems worth it. Anyway, now that Angel's gone, here's who's been catching our eye in the Big Brother house this week...
Big Brother: Angel Or Halfwit Out Tonight, Thank Heavens
On Thursday night the Big Brother housemates voted for nominations live in an attempt to boost ratings. And it certainly worked because we, um, forgot to watch that particular episode of Big Brother. With dedicated fans like us, no wonder the show's going from strength to strength. But anyway, it turns out that the Big Brother housemates nominated for eviction tonight are Angel and Halfwit. One of them has to go - and it doesn't take a genius to work out which one it'll be - but for the sake of tradition let's get down to it and assess their chances of Big Brother survival anyway...
On Thursday night the Big Brother housemates voted for nominations live in an attempt to boost ratings. And it certainly worked because we, um, forgot to watch that particular episode of Big Brother. With dedicated fans like us, no wonder the show's going from strength to strength. But anyway, it turns out that the Big Brother housemates nominated for eviction tonight are Angel and Halfwit. One of them has to go - and it doesn't take a genius to work out which one it'll be - but for the sake of tradition let's get down to it and assess their chances of Big Brother survival anyway...
America’s Got Talent Begins: Can They Give Us A Susan Boyle?
Will the producers of America's Got Talent be able to find a mad-haired old fat lady, just like the Brits did? The clue is in the question: what with this being America, they'll doubtless be fighting them off with sticks. Of course, America has to do things a bit bigger than anybody else. So we fully expect their version of Susan Boyle to be a 1o00lb monster with hair like a mammoth's pubes, who has to be poured onto the stage from the back of a dump truck. Join us after the jump, when we look at how the show's first week went.
Will the producers of America's Got Talent be able to find a mad-haired old fat lady, just like the Brits did? The clue is in the question: what with this being America, they'll doubtless be fighting them off with sticks. Of course, America has to do things a bit bigger than anybody else. So we fully expect their version of Susan Boyle to be a 1o00lb monster with hair like a mammoth's pubes, who has to be poured onto the stage from the back of a dump truck. Join us after the jump, when we look at how the show's first week went.
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Final!
During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the show that last night ended its interminable run on NBC. Who has covered themselves in glory? Who has covered themselves in shame? Who has apparently covered themselves from head-to-toe in the offcuts from a leather warehouse? (Hint: it's not Holly, it's not Torrie, and it's Janice). Find out after the jump.
During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the show that last night ended its interminable run on NBC. Who has covered themselves in glory? Who has covered themselves in shame? Who has apparently covered themselves from head-to-toe in the offcuts from a leather warehouse? (Hint: it's not Holly, it's not Torrie, and it's Janice). Find out after the jump.
Big Brother: Cairon Gone, Several Other Dipsticks Sadly Remain
On Friday, Big Brother said goodbye to Cairon. Farewell Cairon, we barely knew ye. Which is just as well, really, because you seemed like a massive turd. But good luck with the rest of your life. And good luck with that whole 'pretending to be American' thing. We're sure you'll end up being at least partially convincing at it one day. But with Cairon gone, what else has been going on in the Big Brother house? We're not completely sure, but here's what we think of Marcus, Angel, Karly and Siavash anyway...
On Friday, Big Brother said goodbye to Cairon. Farewell Cairon, we barely knew ye. Which is just as well, really, because you seemed like a massive turd. But good luck with the rest of your life. And good luck with that whole 'pretending to be American' thing. We're sure you'll end up being at least partially convincing at it one day. But with Cairon gone, what else has been going on in the Big Brother house? We're not completely sure, but here's what we think of Marcus, Angel, Karly and Siavash anyway...
Big Brother: Halfwit & Cairon Up, Can Both Go Please?
Wow, Big Brother's fascinating this year, isn't it? Oh, don't nod and pretend you're watching it this year - nobody else is. So for everyone who's studiously avoiding the show, here's what's happened on Big Brother so far: Krogface (yes, we're sticking with the Krogface thing even if nobody else is) might have had sex. The Russian one stopped eating for a little while. And, oh, what was that other thing? Oh yes, that's it - nothing else happened at all. This week, Big Brother will evict either Halfwit or Cairon. Who goes? Nobody cares. But let's take a look anyway...
Wow, Big Brother's fascinating this year, isn't it? Oh, don't nod and pretend you're watching it this year - nobody else is. So for everyone who's studiously avoiding the show, here's what's happened on Big Brother so far: Krogface (yes, we're sticking with the Krogface thing even if nobody else is) might have had sex. The Russian one stopped eating for a little while. And, oh, what was that other thing? Oh yes, that's it - nothing else happened at all. This week, Big Brother will evict either Halfwit or Cairon. Who goes? Nobody cares. But let's take a look anyway...
Television Review: Alan Carr: Chatty Man
Everything about Alan Carr is ridiculous. The high-pitched, squealing voice, the mincing walk, the thick black glasses and enormous teeth. So it's no surprise that his new Channel 4 talk show has a silly name too. Alan Carr: Chatty Man. Who says "chatty" in real life? I imagine only mothers in the playground, whinging about someone being too chatty. Or not chatty enough. Or bullying them into an eating disorder. I don't know. Alan Carr: Chat Man sounds a bit too much like a rubbish superhero. At least they didn't go for a pun on his name and a cheeky Carry On-style innuendo about a gear-stick.
Everything about Alan Carr is ridiculous. The high-pitched, squealing voice, the mincing walk, the thick black glasses and enormous teeth. So it's no surprise that his new Channel 4 talk show has a silly name too. Alan Carr: Chatty Man. Who says "chatty" in real life? I imagine only mothers in the playground, whinging about someone being too chatty. Or not chatty enough. Or bullying them into an eating disorder. I don't know. Alan Carr: Chat Man sounds a bit too much like a rubbish superhero. At least they didn't go for a pun on his name and a cheeky Carry On-style innuendo about a gear-stick.
TV Preview: The Take, Sky 1
Can you imagine an East End gangster drama which doesn't star Danny Dyer? Moreover, can you imagine one which wasn't directed by Guy Richie? It isn't an easy concept to fathom; god knows sometimes we don't want to. Unfortunately it isn't our choice; Sky 1 is forcing us to picture such an idea because of their new 1980s 4-part drama The Take, starting tomorrow.
Can you imagine an East End gangster drama which doesn't star Danny Dyer? Moreover, can you imagine one which wasn't directed by Guy Richie? It isn't an easy concept to fathom; god knows sometimes we don't want to. Unfortunately it isn't our choice; Sky 1 is forcing us to picture such an idea because of their new 1980s 4-part drama The Take, starting tomorrow.
Big Brother: Sophia Out & Saffia Walks, So Hooray
Big Brother can be odd. This time last week we were peeved because there was a Sophie, a Sophia and an Saffia in the house. But now? Now Sophia has been evicted for being the world's most awful munchkin, Saffia has walked - presumably to hunt for her long-lost personality - and Sophie's been renamed Dogface. It almost makes us wish that all the other Big Brother housemates were called variations on the name Sophie too, because then they'd all leave at once and we'd be happy again. Anyway, here are the awful sods who've caught our eye on Big Brother this week...
Big Brother can be odd. This time last week we were peeved because there was a Sophie, a Sophia and an Saffia in the house. But now? Now Sophia has been evicted for being the world's most awful munchkin, Saffia has walked - presumably to hunt for her long-lost personality - and Sophie's been renamed Dogface. It almost makes us wish that all the other Big Brother housemates were called variations on the name Sophie too, because then they'd all leave at once and we'd be happy again. Anyway, here are the awful sods who've caught our eye on Big Brother this week...
