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Holby City Told Off For Booze Binge Scene

by Stuart Heritage

Holby City – the BBC hospital drama that some small countries actually use as a way of torturing anti-government infidels – is in trouble with an alcohol watchdog because it sort of glamorised binge-drinking a bit once.

Apparently in one Holby City episode two medics drank five shots of tequila and then got on with their day, when everyone knows that after five shots of tequila you have to start attacking people in the street and crying. And The Portman Group – the drinks industry regulatory body – isn’t having that at, pulling Holby City up for its “graphic and gratuitous portrayal of harmful drinking behaviour.” Responsible actions, that’s for sure, but surely The Portman Group are preaching to the converted – we get the impression that anyone who can manage to watch Holby City with any degree of regularity probably already knows a thing or two about harmful drinking behaviour.

Holby City - the BBC hospital drama that some small countries actually use as a way of torturing anti-government infidels - is in trouble with an alcohol watchdog because it sort of glamorised binge-drinking a bit once. Apparently in one Holby City episode two medics drank five shots of tequila and then got on with their day, when everyone knows that after five shots of tequila you have to start attacking people in the street and crying. And The Portman Group - the drinks industry regulatory body - isn't having that at, pulling Holby City up for its "graphic and gratuitous portrayal of harmful drinking behaviour." Responsible actions, that's for sure, but surely The Portman Group are preaching to the converted - we get the impression that anyone who can manage to watch Holby City with any degree of regularity probably already knows a thing or two about harmful drinking behaviour.
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Hulk Hogan Presents American Gladiators Like It’s 1991

by Stuart Heritage

Usually if you encounter a bald, mulleted, crag-faced man with a bleached-blonde handlebar moustache your first thought tends to be “But if you’re here, who’s looking after your boot fair stall?”

But Hulk Hogan is the exception to that rule. Everyone knows Hulk Hogan – either as the shirt-tearing, pretend-deaf, all-American 1980s wrestling steroid-monkey, the knackered reality TV star or Mr Nanny – but soon you’ll be able to see Hulk Hogan in a brand-new role. Hulk Hogan has just signed up to be the host of NBC’s new rejigged American Gladiators show to be broadcast next year. Although we’re promised that the new show will be more technologically-advanced than we remember, there’s something about the thought of Hulk Hogan presenting American Gladiators that’s so early-90s that it makes us want to centre-part our hair, wear a Global Hypercolour T-shirt and reflect on the genius of Hangin’ With Mr Cooper.

Usually if you encounter a bald, mulleted, crag-faced man with a bleached-blonde handlebar moustache your first thought tends to be "But if you're here, who's looking after your boot fair stall?" But Hulk Hogan is the exception to that rule. Everyone knows Hulk Hogan - either as the shirt-tearing, pretend-deaf, all-American 1980s wrestling steroid-monkey, the knackered reality TV star or Mr Nanny - but soon you'll be able to see Hulk Hogan in a brand-new role. Hulk Hogan has just signed up to be the host of NBC's new rejigged American Gladiators show to be broadcast next year. Although we're promised that the new show will be more technologically-advanced than we remember, there's something about the thought of Hulk Hogan presenting American Gladiators that's so early-90s that it makes us want to centre-part our hair, wear a Global Hypercolour T-shirt and reflect on the genius of Hangin' With Mr Cooper.
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Win A Signed Fonejacker Doovde Now!

by Stuart Heritage

On Monday, series one of Fonejacker – E4′s number one comedy about a man in a woolly hat prank-calling pet shops – is released on DVD. And we’ll be jiggered if we don’t have three Fonejacker DVDs signed by the Fonejacker himself to give away.

Taking a one-note artform that everyone assumed the Jerky Boys did to death a decade ago and somehow reinvigorating it further than anyone could have possibly imagined, Fonejacker has proved to be one of those rare shows that’s genuinely funny despite creating the sort of infectious catchphrases that make you want to hurt children when you hear them endlessly reciting them to each other on the bus. And now, with Monday’s release of the Fonejacker DVD, you can listen to those catchphrases again and again and again. And, if you do well at our competition, you’ll be watching Fonejacker on a DVD that the Fonejacker has actually signed. Cool, huh?

We have three exclusively signed copies of the Fonejacker Series One DVD to give away to you lucky people – provided you live in the UK – and all you need to do is watch this Fonejacker clip and answer the following question:

The mouse wants to buy four things – a cat toy, some cat nip, some rope and what?

Send your answers, along with your name and address, to hecklerspray[AT]Gmail.com and we’ll select three random winners by Friday. And, even if you don’t win, you can enjoy our funky little Fonejacker interview that’s coming up later in the week. So everyone wins, really. Although three of you will win more. Good luck!

On Monday, series one of Fonejacker - E4's number one comedy about a man in a woolly hat prank-calling pet shops - is released on DVD. And we'll be jiggered if we don't have three Fonejacker DVDs signed by the Fonejacker himself to give away. Taking a one-note artform that everyone assumed the Jerky Boys did to death a decade ago and somehow reinvigorating it further than anyone could have possibly imagined, Fonejacker has proved to be one of those rare shows that's genuinely funny despite creating the sort of infectious catchphrases that make you want to hurt children when you hear them endlessly reciting them to each other on the bus. And now, with Monday's release of the Fonejacker DVD, you can listen to those catchphrases again and again and again. And, if you do well at our competition, you'll be watching Fonejacker on a DVD that the Fonejacker has actually signed. Cool, huh? We have three exclusively signed copies of the Fonejacker Series One DVD to give away to you lucky people - provided you live in the UK - and all you need to do is watch this Fonejacker clip and answer the following question: The mouse wants to buy four things - a cat toy, some cat nip, some rope and what? Send your answers, along with your name and address, to hecklerspray[AT]Gmail.com and we'll select three random winners by Friday. And, even if you don't win, you can enjoy our funky little Fonejacker interview that's coming up later in the week. So everyone wins, really. Although three of you will win more. Good luck!
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ASA: Kate Moss’ Eyelashes Are Big Bloody Liars

by Stuart Heritage

Television may be currently engulfed in giant fakery scandal that looks set to undermine the credibility of the entire medium, but we can always trust Kate Moss’ eyelashes, can’t we – Kate Moss’ eyelashes would never let us down.

Wrong! Kate Moss’ eyelashes don’t even exist – they’ve been digitally created on a computer, much like Gollum or one of the Super Mario Brothers. It’s true – watch the advert for Rimmel Magnif’Eyes mascara where Kate Moss hobbles down a road, looks in a shop window, flicks two molecules of Rimmel Magnif’Eyes mascara over her face and then watches as her eyelashes magically expand until it looks like someone has pulled out Kate Moss’ eyeballs and plugged the holes with two giant flailing octopuses. Or rather, don’t watch it. You can’t see this particular Kate Moss Rimmel advert because the Advertising Standards Authority have said that it’s basically a big lot of bullshit.

Television may be currently engulfed in giant fakery scandal that looks set to undermine the credibility of the entire medium, but we can always trust Kate Moss' eyelashes, can't we - Kate Moss' eyelashes would never let us down. Wrong! Kate Moss' eyelashes don't even exist - they've been digitally created on a computer, much like Gollum or one of the Super Mario Brothers. It's true - watch the advert for Rimmel Magnif'Eyes mascara where Kate Moss hobbles down a road, looks in a shop window, flicks two molecules of Rimmel Magnif'Eyes mascara over her face and then watches as her eyelashes magically expand until it looks like someone has pulled out Kate Moss' eyeballs and plugged the holes with two giant flailing octopuses. Or rather, don't watch it. You can't see this particular Kate Moss Rimmel advert because the Advertising Standards Authority have said that it's basically a big lot of bullshit.
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Ryan Seacrest and David Hasselhoff: Together At Last… Creatively Speaking

by hecklerspray staff

You know what this world needs? You may be thinking ‘a cure for cancer’, ‘peace in the middle east’, or ‘someone to take a weed whacker to the eyebrows of the bad guy on Heroes’, but you’d be wrong. Dead wrong, you dimwits.

What this world really needs, obviously, is for a totally over-used host of about a billion of the most annoying shows on the planet to pair up with a middle-aged man that used to run on the beach in slow motion with ridiculously endowed lifeguards, and then make a comedy TV show. Well, it looks like miracles do happen, because Ryan Seacrest and David Hasselhoff are in the works to create a TV show loosely based on David Hasselhoff’s life. Oh, we can barely contain our giddiness!

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Kiefer Sutherland’s DUI Bust Could Bugger Up 24

by Stuart Heritage

It wasn’t a big surprise when Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for DUI early yesterday morning – given his reputation, the only surprise was that Kiefer hadn’t drunkenly bought a tank, stuffed it with puppies, set it on fire and driven that about.

But Kiefer Sutherland’s drink-driving arrest has thrown up an uncomfortable situation – thanks to Kiefer Sutherland’s charming disposition towards getting up on booze and driving around, pleading no contest to DUI in 2004 and getting convicted for similar booze/car shenanigans, a conviction for yesterday’s arrest would mean that Kiefer Sutherland could face a year in jail. And that invites questions of what will happen to 24 – the series based almost completely around Kiefer Sutherland – in his absence. Sure, the 24 producers could call back Elisha Cuthbert to do nothing but run around braless in slow motion looking vulnerable to paper over the cracks temporarily, but that’ll only keep 24 viewers distracted for 16 or 17 episodes, tops.

OK – 18 or 19 episodes. That’s it, though.

It wasn't a big surprise when Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for DUI early yesterday morning - given his reputation, the only surprise was that Kiefer hadn't drunkenly bought a tank, stuffed it with puppies, set it on fire and driven that about. But Kiefer Sutherland's drink-driving arrest has thrown up an uncomfortable situation - thanks to Kiefer Sutherland's charming disposition towards getting up on booze and driving around, pleading no contest to DUI in 2004 and getting convicted for similar booze/car shenanigans, a conviction for yesterday's arrest would mean that Kiefer Sutherland could face a year in jail. And that invites questions of what will happen to 24 - the series based almost completely around Kiefer Sutherland - in his absence. Sure, the 24 producers could call back Elisha Cuthbert to do nothing but run around braless in slow motion looking vulnerable to paper over the cracks temporarily, but that'll only keep 24 viewers distracted for 16 or 17 episodes, tops. OK - 18 or 19 episodes. That's it, though.
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Jeremy Kyle Show Now Legally Rubbish

by C J Davies

TV host Jeremy Kyle has certainly carved out a niche for himself.

Seriously – if ever there’s an Emmy for Best Series In Which Sportswear-Bedecked Pikeys Have A Fistfight Over A Pregnancy Test Which A Smug Man Looks On With Both Eyebrows Wryly Raised, he’d win it hands down. Unless Lost introduced a similar plotline.

Some people out there, however, don’t appreciate the genius of the Jezster’s televisual efforts. Especially judges. Now, regular readers will know that hecklerspray doesn’t have a great relationship with those judge-types – especially after one of them gave us some sort of ‘jail sentence’ because he didn’t believe that Jessica Alba’s pants came off in a freak gust of wind and we were simply trying to return them to her.

Manchester district judge Alan Berg has a similarly unforgiving style. After one of Jeremy Kyle’s guests was hauled into his courtroom – all because he’d done a spot of naughty headbutting live in the studio – Judge Berg let rip on ITV’s finest, calling it ‘human bear-baiting which goes under the guise of entertainment’.

TV host Jeremy Kyle has certainly carved out a niche for himself. Seriously - if ever there's an Emmy for Best Series In Which Sportswear-Bedecked Pikeys Have A Fistfight Over A Pregnancy Test Which A Smug Man Looks On With Both Eyebrows Wryly Raised, he'd win it hands down. Unless Lost introduced a similar plotline. Some people out there, however, don't appreciate the genius of the Jezster's televisual efforts. Especially judges. Now, regular readers will know that hecklerspray doesn't have a great relationship with those judge-types - especially after one of them gave us some sort of 'jail sentence' because he didn't believe that Jessica Alba's pants came off in a freak gust of wind and we were simply trying to return them to her. Manchester district judge Alan Berg has a similarly unforgiving style. After one of Jeremy Kyle's guests was hauled into his courtroom - all because he'd done a spot of naughty headbutting live in the studio - Judge Berg let rip on ITV's finest, calling it 'human bear-baiting which goes under the guise of entertainment'.
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That Screaming Idiot Britney Spears Fan Gets A TV Show

by Stuart Heritage

Hey kids, forget everything your parents told you about working hard – it appears the best way to achieve success is to start wailing uncontrollably on YouTube because someone you inexplicably admire is acting like a dickhead.

Pretty much the whole world has seen the YouTube video called ‘LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!’ in which a desperately androgynous young person cries and cries and cries and threatens to kill himself unless people stop writing mean things about Britney Spears all the time. Well, it seems like the TV buzz-phrase this season is ‘uncomfortably unstable Britney Spears obsessives’ because Chris Crocker, the star of the ‘LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!’ YouTube video has just signed a deal to star in his own TV show. Although details are scant about Chris Crocker’s TV project, it’s thought to be a cross between Avocats et Associés and a sobbing fucking moron getting disturbingly worked up about someone he’s never met doing something that’ll never affect him like a tit.

Hey kids, forget everything your parents told you about working hard - it appears the best way to achieve success is to start wailing uncontrollably on YouTube because someone you inexplicably admire is acting like a dickhead. Pretty much the whole world has seen the YouTube video called 'LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!' in which a desperately androgynous young person cries and cries and cries and threatens to kill himself unless people stop writing mean things about Britney Spears all the time. Well, it seems like the TV buzz-phrase this season is 'uncomfortably unstable Britney Spears obsessives' because Chris Crocker, the star of the 'LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!' YouTube video has just signed a deal to star in his own TV show. Although details are scant about Chris Crocker's TV project, it's thought to be a cross between Avocats et Associés and a sobbing fucking moron getting disturbingly worked up about someone he's never met doing something that'll never affect him like a tit.
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Barry Manilow Vs Elisabeth Hasselbeck: It’s On, So Be Scared

by Stuart Heritage

Barry Manilow used to write the songs that made the whole world sing – but now he writes the songs that make the whole world sing except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who Barry Manilow has ordered not to sing because he hates her.

That’s right – Barry Manilow hates Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View. Nothing new there – Elisabeth Hasselbeck couldn’t be any more disagreeable if she turned up for work wearing a coat made of bludgeoned children – but Barry Manilow hates Elisabeth Hasselbeck so much that he’s pulled out of an appearance on The View if it means sharing a stage with her. And Barry Manilow’s decision to pull out of The View has forged yet another ideological chasm in an already violently divided world, where people must now choose whether they’re on the side of Barry Manilow, the side of Elisabeth Hasselbeck or the side that’d prefer to crush its head between two big rocks instead of siding with either of those two gasping ninnies.

Barry Manilow used to write the songs that made the whole world sing - but now he writes the songs that make the whole world sing except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who Barry Manilow has ordered not to sing because he hates her. That's right - Barry Manilow hates Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View. Nothing new there - Elisabeth Hasselbeck couldn't be any more disagreeable if she turned up for work wearing a coat made of bludgeoned children - but Barry Manilow hates Elisabeth Hasselbeck so much that he's pulled out of an appearance on The View if it means sharing a stage with her. And Barry Manilow's decision to pull out of The View has forged yet another ideological chasm in an already violently divided world, where people must now choose whether they're on the side of Barry Manilow, the side of Elisabeth Hasselbeck or the side that'd prefer to crush its head between two big rocks instead of siding with either of those two gasping ninnies.
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Sally Field Bleeped For Saying ‘Goddamn’ At The Emmys

by Stuart Heritage

The Emmys are a time of high emotions for everyone involved – although mainly those emotions include tiredness, irritability and suicide-inducing tedium – so who can blame Sally Field for getting excited at this weekend’s Emmys?

You see, Sally Field made the night’s obligatory anti-war speech at this weekend’s Emmy awards after winning the Emmy for Lead Actress In A Drama Series for Brothers And Sisters. However, part of Sally Field’s speech was bleeped and there’s now a growing controversy surrounding the reasons why. We think we’ve nailed it down to four options: 1) The Emmys bleeped Sally Field for saying ‘goddamn’, 2) The Emmys bleeped Sally Field for expressing an anti-war sentiment, 3) The Emmys bleeped Sally Field because of her crackpot ideas on motherhood or 4) The Emmy bleeped Sally Fields for doing something other than furiously apologising to Edie Falco for somehow winning the award over her.

The Emmys are a time of high emotions for everyone involved - although mainly those emotions include tiredness, irritability and suicide-inducing tedium - so who can blame Sally Field for getting excited at this weekend's Emmys? You see, Sally Field made the night's obligatory anti-war speech at this weekend's Emmy awards after winning the Emmy for Lead Actress In A Drama Series for Brothers And Sisters. However, part of Sally Field's speech was bleeped and there's now a growing controversy surrounding the reasons why. We think we've nailed it down to four options: 1) The Emmys bleeped Sally Field for saying 'goddamn', 2) The Emmys bleeped Sally Field for expressing an anti-war sentiment, 3) The Emmys bleeped Sally Field because of her crackpot ideas on motherhood or 4) The Emmy bleeped Sally Fields for doing something other than furiously apologising to Edie Falco for somehow winning the award over her.
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