Now that her Dancing With The Stars collapse has made her the world’s most famous fainter since the invention of the myotonic goat, Marie Osmond must now deal with all the new-found popularity that goes with it.

You know the sort of thing – Marie Osmond will be invited to open department stores so long as she promises to collapse right before she cuts the ribbon, or star in TV adverts for fruit-based preserves that ask her to slump to the floor midway through. And Marie Osmond is going to find that hard, because fainting isn’t just something she can do on demand – she’s saying that she only fainted this week on Dancing With The Stars because she’s allergic to the studio’s bad air quality. Presumably that means Dancing With The Stars head judge Len Goodman can expect a lawsuit soon, because he looks like the kind of man whose breath is made up of equal parts stale coffee, Bonjella and Werthers Originals, and that has to be a contributing factor somewhere down the line.

Len Goodman is the kindly old uncle of celebrity dance-based reality shows, always ready with a smile and a word of benign encouragement – unless he’s talking to Marie Osmond, in which case he’ll make her collapse with his evil mind-rays.

That’s more or less what happened yesterday when Marie Osmond suddenly dropped to the floor midway through Len Goodman’s dissection of her samba during the live broadcast of Dancing With The Stars. Although shocking enough to make the Dancing With The Stars host immediately cut to a commercial break, Marie Osmond’s collapse was nothing more than a harmless faint, which means you’re allowed to laugh at it completely guilt-free. If you missed seeing Marie Osmond fainting on Dancing With The Stars, chances are you’ll be able to catch a replay on the next episode of the hit cable TV show When Red-Faced Mormons Collapse. Alternatively you could just keep reading this, because we’ve got the Marie Osmond fainting video right here.

When you have a daily, long-running TV show named after yourself, it becomes an extension of your personality – so when you give away a dog that you shouldn’t have, the show becomes the place where you blubber relentlessly about it.

Thank goodness that Ellen DeGeneres has finally decided to exploit that loophole, then. On yesterday’s edition of Ellen DeGeneres’ daily daytime TV show Ellen, she opened the show not with a mood-setting humorous monologue, but with a borderline disturbing sobbing tantrum because she gave her pet dog to her hairdresser when she wasn’t allowed to and got told off for it. And, really, fans of watching happy go lucky lesbian talkshow hosts break down in a way that’ll make you experience a microsecond of pity before it’s swamped by the compulsion to start screaming “Pull yourself together, you infuriating red-eyed ninny!” at your monitors should really stick around and watch the video of Ellen DeGeneres crying that we’ve got.