As far as reality TV goes, Rock Star: Supernova is just about as dumb as you can it. It's a musical talent show that you can't vote on and - as a result - the winners tend to be weirdos like Lukas Rossi.

Last night was the final of Rock Star: Supernova, and it was won by Lukas Rossi - a Canadian man with a face a bit like a semi-baked currant bun, albeit a semi-cooked currant bun with a ridiculous haircut. As the winner of Rock Star: Supernova, Lukas Rossi now gets to travel America playing concerts with the rest of his band - Jason Newstead from Metallica, Gilby Clarke from Guns N' Roses and Tommy Lee from having it off with Pamela Anderson on the internet.

Of all the stars of Desperate Housewives, Eva Longoria is by far the most entertaining. Not because of her acting ability or anything, but because she seems pathologically unable to not say a bunch of ridiculous crap all the time.

Now Eva Longoria has said that Desperate Housewives will be the last time any of you plebs see her on TV - after that you'll all have to go and pay to see her at the cinema because Eva Longoria is going to be a big movie star. And we're obviously happy to go along with Eva Longoria's plan to keep away from our TV screens, especially if it means she stops making those shit adverts about how nice her hair looks.

If you had to compile a list of all the scary things out there, first down on the paper would probably be things like spiders, ghosts, Sharon Osbourne and terrorist attacks, but Jessica Simpson? Really?

If the things in Jessica Simpson's head were real, then Jessica Simpson would be the most terrifying thing in the whole world. Also, degree courses would be taught about the mise-en-scene of the These Boots Are Made For Walking pop video and everyone's skin would be painted orange in homage to her, but that's beside the point. Jessica Simpson says that all men are scared of her. But it's OK, because Jessica Simpson has also revealed that she's completely in love with herself.

There's a lot of talk about the third season of Desperate Housewives being less rubbish than the second, although if producers chose to stick an endoscope up a goat's rectum and leave it there for 23 weeks it'd still be a bit more interesting.

However, it looks as if the Desperate Housewives producers have already hit a wall; the ginger one out of Desperate Housewives - or Marcia Cross as she inexplicably prefers to be called - has just announced that she is pregnant. This means we can expect most of Marcia Cross' dramatic Desperate Housewives season three moments to take place with her expanding belly hidden, like the scene where she confronts her wayward son while standing up to her boobs in a puddle.

Forget the hatches or the cloud monster or the big statue of a foot; the big question about Lost is this: why don't any of the cast of Lost seem to be able to drive a car properly?

Pretty much everyone who's been involved in any small way with Lost has at one point or another got in trouble with police over their driving, and the latest Lost star to get in trouble for traffic violations is Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who plays Mr Eko. Here at hecklerspray we've been playing an office game of Lost Cast Arrest Bingo and - now that Mr Eko has been arrested - we only need the polar bear from the first few episodes that everyone's forgotten about to get busted for arson and that first prize is as good as ours.

The celebrity blog is perhaps the best invention in all of creation. Ostensibly a way to communicate with fans, the celebrity blog usually just ends up either being dreary or proving what a mental old nutjob the celebrity actually is.

Rosie O'Donnell's blog is placed firmly in the latter section, since it allows Rosie O'Donnell to carp on about whatever vague crap float into her mind like it was the single most important and deep piece of information your tiny brain will ever have the joy to process, without the first thought for grammar or punctuation. However, it looks like Rosie O'Donnell's blogging days might be at an end, since Barbara Walters - Rosie's new boss on The View - doesn't really like it very much.

Sad news. Well, sad and crushingly inevitable news; Steve Irwin, TV's Crocodile Hunter, was killed today by a stingray barb through the chest while filming on a diving expedition. He was 44.

During his lifetime, Steve Irwin built both a lucrative business and a legion of fans from his endearingly enthusiastic wildlife hunts. Deadly snakes, deadly spiders, giant crocodiles

Most people watch The Apprentice USA to see Donald Trump bellow at some hateful morons in a bad voiceover, but for us the fun comes from seeing the sheer contempt that Trump sidekick Carolyn Kepcher has for every other human she meets.

Sadly, though, we won't be seeing any more of Carolyn Kepcher on The Apprentice, because it's being reported that Donald Trump has just fired her for being a bit too starry. Well, anyone watching The Apprentice in Britain will still get to see Carolyn Kepcher on The Apprentice, so long as they can stay up until 2am watching whatever hopelessly out-of-date episode the BBC decide to show us. But you get the idea.