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TV News

Caroline Flack Gets Death Threats From Clearly Insane One Direction Fans

by Mof Gimmers

Uh-oh! Caroline Flack is getting received death threats from Harry Styles’ fans after it was revealed that the pair have been on some dates. What is it with young women and their penchant for sending death threats? WHY HAVEN’T WE HAD ANY? DO WE HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH A YOUNG MAN TO DO SO? [...]

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X Factor Set To Ruin More Film Themes But Not If We Had Our Way

by Robin Darke

THIS WEEK! ITS TIME! TO SING! SONGS FROM MOVIES! And probably not do a very good job at them. It’s ‘Movie Week’ everybody. That’s song from films that have been released in the old cinema. Past year’s have had some truly terrifying performances, like Olly Murs waggling his penis to ‘Twist And Shout,’ Joe McElderry [...]

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Johnny Marr Is Right To Say That Use Of Smiths Songs On Adverts Doesn’t Sully Their Memory

by Mof Gimmers

There has been the vague, wet, typical outpouring of mild-ire surrounding an indie band allowing one of their songs to be used in advertising. It’s ‘selling-out’ apparently. And god knows, that’s the worst thing an indie band can be accused of, right? And of course, there’s a terribly saccharine John Lewis advertisement that’s doing the [...]

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Finally! America Has Come To Make Doctor Who Brilliant!

by Mof Gimmers

Doctor Who has always been a quirkfest, with machines that don’t work properly, stupidly long scarves, baddies that look like bits of tinfoil and something preposterously called ‘a sonic screwdriver’. Really, The Doctor is, of all the heroes, the most nauseatingly twee. He’ll be playing a bloody ukulele next. A sonic ukulele no doubt. Anyway, [...]

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STV Forced To Cover Up Obvious X Factor Fix

by Michael Park

You X Factor fans are a fine bunch of conspiracy theorists and when it was preemptively announced that one of the eliminated caterwaulers had been allowed back into the show, the viewing public gathered in the streets with pitchforks and torches, desperately seeking someone to pin the blame on. When Loaded’s Man of the Year [...]

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Kris Jenner Says Kim Kardashian’s Marriage Wasn’t Fake Before Returning To Her Moon-Base

by Michael Park

You all remember Kim Kardashian, right? She’s the business woman and entrepreneur who is also the star of her own reality television series with her whole family. She’s worth a bit of cash is Kim but, in keeping with the American dream, vacuous idiots can always have more. Is Kim Kardashian a vacuous idiot? IS [...]

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Sinitta Quits “I’m A Celebrity” Before She Even Gets As Far As The Airport

by Michael Park

Former singer and current one-hit-wonder masquerading as a musical intellectual, Sinitta, has never been lauded for her intelligence or even for her musical talent but her latest move, “sensationally” quitting the ITV anus-fest “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!” before she even got as far as the airport. According to sources, Sinitta was [...]

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Frankie Cocozza Booted Off X Factor For ‘Breaking Golden Rule’, Whatever That Means

by Mof Gimmers

Well would you believe it? Frankie Cocozza has been given the heave-ho from the X Factor, which means that all you people who hate him won’t have blood erupting from your eyes every Saturday night. Are you happy? Of course you’re not. Janet Devlin still exists with her faux-modesty, which is a crime far worse [...]

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Eastenders Spoilers! Dying! Leaving! Returning!

by Joanna Bolouri

It’s spoiler time again people, which will either ruin your week and send you into a murderous rage or you’ll thank us very sweetly like the hideous Munchkins that you are. Either is fine with us. This week, there’s so much going on in Eastenders that we’ve decided to say “BALLS!” to the other soaps [...]

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Video That Confirms That Jersey Shore Is A Giant Fake

by Mof Gimmers

For some reason, we’ve credited you slobs with some intelligence. Christ knows why. We’ve read the comments you leave. Either way, some of you ain’t so bad. Some of you have probably only seen Jersey Shore out of morbid curiosity. If you watched it, you probably thought ‘By Jove! This is faker than Kim Kardashian’s [...]

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