TV News
Futurama Gets Thawed 991 Years Early (For 26 All New Episodes)
Remember 2003? Sure it was a long time ago - but let us jog your memory. The sky outside was often gray and dreary, flowers refused to bloom and the Internet bed linen industry absolutely boomed because bedridden people were too depressed to drop turd all the way over in the toilet. Well no more - because Futurama has been un-cancelled. And we're not talking about four more straight to DVD movies either - we're talking about 26 new episodes on Comedy Central. You still don't believe us? We don't blame you. We're sorry we ever told you we're half-brothers with Coolio. Trust restored.
Remember 2003? Sure it was a long time ago - but let us jog your memory. The sky outside was often gray and dreary, flowers refused to bloom and the Internet bed linen industry absolutely boomed because bedridden people were too depressed to drop turd all the way over in the toilet. Well no more - because Futurama has been un-cancelled. And we're not talking about four more straight to DVD movies either - we're talking about 26 new episodes on Comedy Central. You still don't believe us? We don't blame you. We're sorry we ever told you we're half-brothers with Coolio. Trust restored.
Jon & Kate Plus 8 Adorable Potential Child Labour Violations
Kids today. They don't know they're born. Just look at the tots on the inexplicably popular Jon & Kate Plus 8. When we were younger, we'd earn our pocket money by getting up at 3am and delivering newspapers. Thanks to that, we lost four toes to frostbite and our spine now permanently tilts 35 degrees sideways. But the Jon & Kate Plus 8 kids have got it easy. All they have to do is be the unwitting emotional pawns in their parents' cruel and ongoing effort to commoditise their agonising divorce in a way that possibly contravenes child labour laws. The jammy bastards.
Kids today. They don't know they're born. Just look at the tots on the inexplicably popular Jon & Kate Plus 8. When we were younger, we'd earn our pocket money by getting up at 3am and delivering newspapers. Thanks to that, we lost four toes to frostbite and our spine now permanently tilts 35 degrees sideways. But the Jon & Kate Plus 8 kids have got it easy. All they have to do is be the unwitting emotional pawns in their parents' cruel and ongoing effort to commoditise their agonising divorce in a way that possibly contravenes child labour laws. The jammy bastards.
It’s Possible To Be Gay And Muslim… Even On EastEnders.
Middle-EastEnders is probably a big hit in the Islamic Republic of Iran... The show's writers traditionally shy away from the social taboos of go-karting, liking America or talking to women. The British however, have no such idea of tact and religious sensibility. Their version of the show often goes down like halal-packaged pork chops and recent developments in the East End will probably lead to nuclear winter. BBC soap, EastEnders, plans to feature a gay Muslim, played by an actor who is possibly taking his life into his own hands.
Middle-EastEnders is probably a big hit in the Islamic Republic of Iran... The show's writers traditionally shy away from the social taboos of go-karting, liking America or talking to women. The British however, have no such idea of tact and religious sensibility. Their version of the show often goes down like halal-packaged pork chops and recent developments in the East End will probably lead to nuclear winter. BBC soap, EastEnders, plans to feature a gay Muslim, played by an actor who is possibly taking his life into his own hands.
Everybody Watches Jon & Kate Plus 8. Literally Everybody
Jon & Kate Plus 8. It's the show that nobody knew existed until it was in some magazines and crap, and now everybody loves. And thanks to the tedious allegations of infidelity that have been rocking the Gosselin family since, oh, let's say the dawn of time, the first episode of the new Jon & Kate Plus 8 season has drawn in record viewers for its network TLC. In total, 9.8 million rubberneckers tuned into Jon & Kate Plus 8. That's 9.7 million higher than TLC's record - an episode of Mystery Diagnosis about a woman who thought she was being followed around by a goat.
Jon & Kate Plus 8. It's the show that nobody knew existed until it was in some magazines and crap, and now everybody loves. And thanks to the tedious allegations of infidelity that have been rocking the Gosselin family since, oh, let's say the dawn of time, the first episode of the new Jon & Kate Plus 8 season has drawn in record viewers for its network TLC. In total, 9.8 million rubberneckers tuned into Jon & Kate Plus 8. That's 9.7 million higher than TLC's record - an episode of Mystery Diagnosis about a woman who thought she was being followed around by a goat.
Richard And Judy Quit: University Messageboards Flooded With Ironic Sadness
“The Earth will tremble with terrible Quaking, sulphorous Ffires will consumeth the Living, and nightmarish Beasts of all persuasion shall stalk the Barren Plains. Oh, and verily shallt Richard and Judy be cast off the telly.” Nostradamus there, from one of his lesser known tracts describing the End of Times. Well, don’t go making any plans for your holidays this year, because the twin colossi of televisual babyfood have called it a day. So expect endless earthquakes, and the whole of France to be consumed by lava any time soon. Not all bad news, then.
“The Earth will tremble with terrible Quaking, sulphorous Ffires will consumeth the Living, and nightmarish Beasts of all persuasion shall stalk the Barren Plains. Oh, and verily shallt Richard and Judy be cast off the telly.” Nostradamus there, from one of his lesser known tracts describing the End of Times. Well, don’t go making any plans for your holidays this year, because the twin colossi of televisual babyfood have called it a day. So expect endless earthquakes, and the whole of France to be consumed by lava any time soon. Not all bad news, then.
Fox Makes A Fat Bachelor
Generally speaking there are only a few places we really don't want to ever see overweight people: Going anywhere wearing our pants, suspended above us descending in a parachute, or full-frenzied inside a sneeze guard with their sneakered feet perched in the sliced tomatoes. Anywhere else, though, and we'll take them. That's because we love the heavy, and always want to know everything about them. For instance, do they fall in love? Probably not. But if they do we'll all get to see on Fox's new show - billed as The Bachelor for fat guys, which we actually find quite rude.
Generally speaking there are only a few places we really don't want to ever see overweight people: Going anywhere wearing our pants, suspended above us descending in a parachute, or full-frenzied inside a sneeze guard with their sneakered feet perched in the sliced tomatoes. Anywhere else, though, and we'll take them. That's because we love the heavy, and always want to know everything about them. For instance, do they fall in love? Probably not. But if they do we'll all get to see on Fox's new show - billed as The Bachelor for fat guys, which we actually find quite rude.
Sorry World, Katherine Heigl’s Not Leaving Grey’s Anatomy
As a Grey's Anatomy cast member, Katherine Heigl was essentially paid to stare into the middle distance and weep. It was a good gig. Standing around whining about relationships with a variety of people who should probably be somewhere else performing emergency surgery on a child is about as easy as it gets, acting-wise. And yet, thanks to her stupid mouth, Katherine Heigl apparently upset the Grey's Anatomy producers so much that they planned to kill her off. Except now Katherine Heigl wants to stay on Grey's Anatomy. That's good news for Katherine Heigl and, um... oh, just Katherine Heigl.
As a Grey's Anatomy cast member, Katherine Heigl was essentially paid to stare into the middle distance and weep. It was a good gig. Standing around whining about relationships with a variety of people who should probably be somewhere else performing emergency surgery on a child is about as easy as it gets, acting-wise. And yet, thanks to her stupid mouth, Katherine Heigl apparently upset the Grey's Anatomy producers so much that they planned to kill her off. Except now Katherine Heigl wants to stay on Grey's Anatomy. That's good news for Katherine Heigl and, um... oh, just Katherine Heigl.
Man Arrested For Liking Dancing With The Stars, Basically
How much should any man enjoy watching Dancing With The Stars? Enough to remember that it even exists? Yes, that's exactly how much. If you know more than three of the Dancing With The Stars contestants by name you're on iffy ground. And woe betide anyone who actually votes on the Dancing With Stars results. But is unexpectedly turning up at the Dancing With The Stars studio with two loaded guns, a roll of duct tape and a handful of love letters to Shawn Johnson liking the show too much? Apparently so, because a bloke's just been arrested for that.
How much should any man enjoy watching Dancing With The Stars? Enough to remember that it even exists? Yes, that's exactly how much. If you know more than three of the Dancing With The Stars contestants by name you're on iffy ground. And woe betide anyone who actually votes on the Dancing With Stars results. But is unexpectedly turning up at the Dancing With The Stars studio with two loaded guns, a roll of duct tape and a handful of love letters to Shawn Johnson liking the show too much? Apparently so, because a bloke's just been arrested for that.
