It’s that time of the week where you’d usually be reading hecklerspray’s look at the best that the whole wide internet has to offer. This week it’s different. This week things are going to get real.
You see, at hecklerspray, we value your feedback. Given that 90% of the time “your feedback” is to aggressively wish death upon us, we’ve grown used to ignoring it and making snide remarks about your sexual profligacy while we hide in the bedsit, cocooned in our wrap-around Virtual Boy-style monitors.
That doesn’t mean we don’t care! That’s why we’re giving you the opportunity to change the way we do things. Do you want to see Webthump brought back from the dead to gnaw at your forgotten corpses with its sharpened teeth of internet funnies or do you want to see The Tumblr Trawler, the most recent incumbent, stay on in its stead.
The winner gets to become our regular Wednesday feature, winning the adoration and respect of every hecklerspray staff member and reader in the process while the loser will be cast down into the fiery pit of heckler Hell with the likes of ‘Celebrity Astronime Domini‘, ‘Creased or Folded?‘ & the long-forgotten ‘Myspace Trawl‘.
The tension is palpable, the consequences undeniable and this needless tension building is only serving to ramp up your fevered excitement at getting to click a button. Look at you. You’re sweating. Calm down.
The choice is yours, dear reader. Change your shirt.
Roll up, roll up and step aboard The Tumblr Trawler; hecklerspray’s weekly jaunt through the murky sealanes of your third or fourth favourite blogging site! This week’s full of incredible treats so sit back, relax, kick off your shoes and check these out.
5. Have you ever woken up of a morning and thought, “I regret everything I’ve ever said or thought.”? Of course you have. So have these owls.
There’s even more shocking and hilarious stuff from the Tumblr vaults right over the jump. SO CLICK IT FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.
These are dark times for that there internet. As the vultures circle around the rotting carcass of the World Wide Web, we disembark our safe harbour to take a tour round the Cape of Good Tumblr. This is The Tumblr Trawler…
Naturally, we’re assuming that some of you have never even seen a Tumblr, let alone know all about the intricate system of interactions and the thought processes which go into making one. Therefore, we make no apologies if you’ve heard of one of these before or even bought their god damn book. Okay?
5. We’ll start this week’s count down with kittens because, if there’s one thing we learned from doing Webthump for all these years, it’s that you lot bloody love a good kitten. So why not take a look at some kittens taking their place in famous album covers. Highlights include ‘Kittenage Fanclub‘, ‘Johnny Cat‘ & ‘Catwerk‘. See them all at The Kitten Covers.
4. We all have family members that we don’t speak to very much because they were clearly dropped on their head as a child but what would happen if you were keeping a note of every text you ever received from them so that you could put it on tumblr. Some might say that you would be a bad person but the person behind Texts from Bennett would probably disagree.
3. At hecklerspray, we have such a high level of job satisfaction that we like nothing more than flicking through page after page of people complaining about their terrible working conditions. Luckily for us (and for you) there’s Please Fire Me. It’s like Post Secret in that people can anonymously tell the site what they hate about their job without fear of getting fired. These are tough economic times and if you have to keep your job despite your co-workers being idiots then look no further. This tumblr’s for you!
2. Are you trying online dating? Finding that it isn’t for you? Have you run into one of these people who are getting it so wrong that it’s not really terribly funny any more? Well, why not have a flick through Messages From Match and see if you don’t appreciate the next person who asks to see a photo of your genitals just that little bit more.
1. This week’s number one was a shoo-in as soon as we saw it. Yr Wifi needs no more introduction than to say it’s a list of amusing, stupid or down-right insulting names for Wifi Hotspots. Read on and be ashamed of your standardised router. Highlights include ‘Pretty Fly for a Wifi‘, ‘I Still Miss Phil Hartman‘ & the frankly brilliant ‘Wu Tang LAN’
Yes, it’s that time again when hecklerspray leads you by the hand through the murky, briny underbelly of the internet in our Tumblr Trawler. For those of you that might be wondering, it’s actually a real boat that we use to burn the carcasses of hecklerspray writers who have passed onto Valhalla.
It’s been a bumper week for stupid sole-purpose Tumblrs this week and it’s taken us ages (two minutes) to narrow all the competitors down into a chart rundown of the top 5.
5. In at five, it’s a non-mover because once you get them up there, you can’t get them down. Sent in to us by @sophmackintosh and every other person on the internet- yes, that’s right folks: it’s Goths Up Trees.
4. This week’s number four comes from the far off land of “the past”. It’s I Love Retro.
3. At three, hunted by @grazingbison, it’s the Giant Lizard From Japan immortalised in seventeen syllables, it’s Godzilla Haiku.
2. Who doesn’t love googly-eyed magic? Well, if Paul Daniels’ career slide is anything to go by- no-one. Anyway, this week’s number two is Magic Cards With Googly Eyes.
1. Ever wondered what Kurt Vonnegut makes of modern celebrities? Well, in at number one is your chance to find out by taking a flick through the pages of Slaughterhouse 90210.
Yes folks, it’s not a festive edition of The Tumblr Trawler and let us tell you why not; Christmas is rubbish. It’s especially rubbish when it comes to memes. Still, here’s this week’s trawl through the briney depths.
5. Replace Face: Want to see what Jason Statham, Danny Trejo & Donald Trump would look like as Russian Generals? Well, we would like to draw your attention to Replace Face.
4. OMG CATS IN SPACE: Is this really, really worth clicking on? We know you like cats and everything but do you really, really want to see a load of cats out in the blackness of space? OF COURSE YOU DO!
3. Feminist Ryan Gosling: Ryan Gosling’s a good feminist guy and wants you to know it. He’s been putting up pictures of himself quoting feminist theory. Oh… what? It’s not actually him? Where’s the appeal then?
2. Barack Obama <3s Gary Busey: Seriously, the most powerful man in the world just can’t go anywhere without his good friend Barack Obama trying to tag along.
1. Nick Clegg Looking Sad: There’s nothing we like to see more at Christmas time than an ineffectual politician with no backbone or discernable policies looking like someone’s just kicked his cat. Here are some images of Nick Clegg having an absolutely awful time. Good.
Yes, that’s right folks. While we work on sprucing up Hecklerspray so that your children and your children’s children (seriously though, never have children) can enjoy it, here’s another trawl through the world of Tumblr.
5. Remember the casually pepper-spraying cop from Occupy? Well @badgerarc found a tumblr take on the man himself. Be warned. This is really funny.
4. That man @CheShA sent us this terrifying look into the chins of the rich and the famous. This is Moustair.
3. Our very own @KrisWould has CaptchArt which uses those weird phrases that Captchas throw up to create hilarious (and not so hilarious) pieces of art.
2. It’s a classic piece of internet heritage but the formidable @Scribbles78 reminded us of the Bublé Raptor and we couldn’t pass it up. We’re too scared to.
Hecklerspray are always itching to exploit the latest internet fad for our own gain. As such, we’ve callously ditched Webthump in favour of a new feature which looks at the very best (and worst) Tumblr accounts. So join us below deck in the murky underbelly of the Tumblr Trawler.
5. Babies are ugly enough as it is without the Renaissance painters making them look so damned hideous. Number 5 on this week’s trawl is Ugly Renaissance Babies. Thanks to @ShivvyShiv for that disturbing look into the past.
3. Sometimes the classics are the best and when @ChurlishMeg sent us Kim Jong-Il Looking At Things, we knew we had to include it. Seen it before? It doesn’t matter; for some weird reason, it’s still absolutely hilarious.
2. No longer will you have to stumble through life wondering your opinions and actions are racist or not! This handy tumblr, sent to us by @JemmaHatty, will let you know for certain. At number two, it’s Yo, Is This Racist?.
1. Some of you are just sick and some of the tumblrs you send to us aren’t terribly funny. This week’s number one is hilarious but only if you have a really sick mind. @MelReeve sent us She Has A Secret. You shouldn’t laugh but you probably will.
If you think you know any better tumblrs and want your name on board next week’s Tumblr Trawler then get in touch with Deputy Editor Michael on twitter.
It’s that time of the week where you’d usually be reading hecklerspray’s look at the best that the whole wide internet has to offer. This week it’s different. This week things are going to get real.
