Top 10s
Top 9 Worst Movie Performances By Musicians
Why can't musicians simply be happy with playing music? Why do they insist on this misguided notion they are not simply musicians, but rather 'performers', 'artists' or, even worse, 'entertainers'? What's so wrong with being called a musician? Does it not pay the rent anymore? Do you have to get another job as an actor just to make your ends meet? Times are hard for multi-millionaire rock stars, you know. Playing a guitar nicely and singing some catchy lyrics is not a bad living, but you can't retire on it. And, of course, what the world really wants is more shit actors. Well hecklerspray has had enough. It's time to name and shame the worst offenders...
Why can't musicians simply be happy with playing music? Why do they insist on this misguided notion they are not simply musicians, but rather 'performers', 'artists' or, even worse, 'entertainers'? What's so wrong with being called a musician? Does it not pay the rent anymore? Do you have to get another job as an actor just to make your ends meet? Times are hard for multi-millionaire rock stars, you know. Playing a guitar nicely and singing some catchy lyrics is not a bad living, but you can't retire on it. And, of course, what the world really wants is more shit actors. Well hecklerspray has had enough. It's time to name and shame the worst offenders...
Top Six Disappointing Star Wars Characters
Star Wars fans have had to deal with their fair share of disappointments. Return of the Jedi ending in a teddy bear's picnic is one. Another was watching The Phantom Menace. But maybe as Star Wars fans we see the series through rose-tinted spectacles. Maybe - and it hurts us to say this – it was never that good in the first place. Maybe as impressionable young kids we were just taken for the ride of our life through a galaxy far, far away and totally missed the dodgy script, hammy acting and bloody Ewoks. All right, maybe not. That's just crazy talk. But it has made me start thinking about things that could have been better throughout the series – not just the three prequels. What if the Jawas rather than the Ewoks helped the Rebels defeat the Empire on Endor? Would that have been better? Maybe. Would it have been even better if Yoda had done some actual fighting in The Empire Strikes Back? No, probably not. Oh, and would the world have been a better place if Jar Jar Binks had died horribly at the start of Phantom Menace? Definitely. So what about the characters? Were there any characters that just didn't quite live up to expectations? Quite possibly. Here's six...
Star Wars fans have had to deal with their fair share of disappointments. Return of the Jedi ending in a teddy bear's picnic is one. Another was watching The Phantom Menace. But maybe as Star Wars fans we see the series through rose-tinted spectacles. Maybe - and it hurts us to say this – it was never that good in the first place. Maybe as impressionable young kids we were just taken for the ride of our life through a galaxy far, far away and totally missed the dodgy script, hammy acting and bloody Ewoks. All right, maybe not. That's just crazy talk. But it has made me start thinking about things that could have been better throughout the series – not just the three prequels. What if the Jawas rather than the Ewoks helped the Rebels defeat the Empire on Endor? Would that have been better? Maybe. Would it have been even better if Yoda had done some actual fighting in The Empire Strikes Back? No, probably not. Oh, and would the world have been a better place if Jar Jar Binks had died horribly at the start of Phantom Menace? Definitely. So what about the characters? Were there any characters that just didn't quite live up to expectations? Quite possibly. Here's six...
Top Seven Celebrity Vs Paparazzi Fights
Being a celebrity isn't all bad, you know. Sure you are hounded by an insatiable media hell-bent on knowing your every move, but, then again, you get lots of free stuff. You see, it all evens itself out. You also get away with hitting the people who irritate you – like reporters and photographers. Why? Well, firstly because you're a celebrity and we should all be grateful if a star like you lowers yourself to even touch us. The second reason is because everyone hates nasty paparazzi almost as much as celebrities do. Do we cry if a reporter gets punched? Well, of course not. Do we look at their pictures? Of course we do. So why then do we seem to react to a celebrity beating then up in the same way we would a dancing bear turning on its tormentors? Who knows? Anyway, hecklerspray has decided to come up with seven of the best. Let battle commence.
Being a celebrity isn't all bad, you know. Sure you are hounded by an insatiable media hell-bent on knowing your every move, but, then again, you get lots of free stuff. You see, it all evens itself out. You also get away with hitting the people who irritate you – like reporters and photographers. Why? Well, firstly because you're a celebrity and we should all be grateful if a star like you lowers yourself to even touch us. The second reason is because everyone hates nasty paparazzi almost as much as celebrities do. Do we cry if a reporter gets punched? Well, of course not. Do we look at their pictures? Of course we do. So why then do we seem to react to a celebrity beating then up in the same way we would a dancing bear turning on its tormentors? Who knows? Anyway, hecklerspray has decided to come up with seven of the best. Let battle commence.
Top 7 Least Scary Movie Monsters
"Be afraid... be very afraid." It takes more than a brooding and blunt tagline to make a menacing movie monster - ask the master of body horror David Cronenberg, who delivered the scares promised by that unforgettable phrase (actually coined by producer Mel Brooks) with his intensely gooey study of spiced human/fly metamorphic consequences in his brilliant The Fly remake. It was a world away from the tediously bad B-movie fly head and claw terror tactics of the original. But what of the creature creations which failed to hit the mark? Those unashamedly bad rubber suits that ruled the fore in the 50s, those ridiculous unscary and unreliable mechanical monsters that kept breaking down in the 70s and the even less tangible CGI cartoon creations that have been unleashed in recent times. Let us present to you seven of the worst and least scariest cinematic creations (additional wetter suggestions are, as always, most welcome)...
"Be afraid... be very afraid." It takes more than a brooding and blunt tagline to make a menacing movie monster - ask the master of body horror David Cronenberg, who delivered the scares promised by that unforgettable phrase (actually coined by producer Mel Brooks) with his intensely gooey study of spiced human/fly metamorphic consequences in his brilliant The Fly remake. It was a world away from the tediously bad B-movie fly head and claw terror tactics of the original. But what of the creature creations which failed to hit the mark? Those unashamedly bad rubber suits that ruled the fore in the 50s, those ridiculous unscary and unreliable mechanical monsters that kept breaking down in the 70s and the even less tangible CGI cartoon creations that have been unleashed in recent times. Let us present to you seven of the worst and least scariest cinematic creations (additional wetter suggestions are, as always, most welcome)...
Top 10 Worst Songs Performed By Sports Stars
It's just the way it is. You just have to accept it. So why then to sports stars insist on making tits of themselves by releasing records?
They already command massive salaries and are idolised by millions. So why don't they just stick to what they're good at? Do you they really think that what the world is really waiting for is them to pick up a microphone or guitar? Just about all of us at one stage of our lives have dreamed of being either a sports star or a musician. But to want to do both –that's just greedy! Give the rest of us a chance, you overpaid, pampered princesses.
Here are the 10 worst examples of sports stars having a bash at music. Please feel free to send us any more.
George Bush and power, Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills, Britney and kids - there are some combinations that are doomed to fail before they even start.
It's just the way it is. You just have to accept it. So why then to sports stars insist on making tits of themselves by releasing records?
They already command massive salaries and are idolised by millions. So why don't they just stick to what they're good at? Do you they really think that what the world is really waiting for is them to pick up a microphone or guitar? Just about all of us at one stage of our lives have dreamed of being either a sports star or a musician. But to want to do both –that's just greedy! Give the rest of us a chance, you overpaid, pampered princesses.
Here are the 10 worst examples of sports stars having a bash at music. Please feel free to send us any more.
Top 5 Best & Worst Star Wars Videogames
But what does all this talk do? Well, it reminds us of all the Star Wars crap we've had rammed down our throats for three decades. Specifically, it reminds us of Star Wars videogames and how mixed a bag they've managed to be over the years. Some have been that good that you can't help but immediately fornicate with the disc/cartridge/arcade machine (risky as the latter may be, with it being a public situation), whereas many more have been so bad it makes you wish Hitler had won.
Star Wars, Star Wars, Star bloody sodding Wars. It's still everywhere, even though it's supposed to have finished and Lucas is supposed to be firmly locked in his ranch rolling about on his vast piles of money while dressed as Jar Jar sodding Binks.
But no, he just can't leave it alone. Sodding sod. There's the upcoming not-a-movie movie, the TV series (The Wire crossed with Star Wars?! Yes please, thanks) and the new videogame The Force Unleashed all on the horizon, and it's unlikely that things will slow down any time soon.
But what does all this talk do? Well, it reminds us of all the Star Wars crap we've had rammed down our throats for three decades. Specifically, it reminds us of Star Wars videogames and how mixed a bag they've managed to be over the years. Some have been that good that you can't help but immediately fornicate with the disc/cartridge/arcade machine (risky as the latter may be, with it being a public situation), whereas many more have been so bad it makes you wish Hitler had won.
Top Seven Movie Misquotes
And do we why ignore them? Well, that's because you do not want to turn into the annoying, pedantic friend who everyone ignores. It's a vicious circle.
It must make Hollywood screen writers want to tear their hairpieces out. They probably spend hours agonising over one defining line, only for cinema-goers to totally miss the message. Well, today, just to prove we are not only here to titillate but educate, hecklerspray is your annoying pedantic friend who, um, you'll eventually ignore.Really, we don't know why we bother.
Why do people misquote films so much? We all do it. That is until some pedantic friend points out your mistake, and you ignore him or her anyway.
And do we why ignore them? Well, that's because you do not want to turn into the annoying, pedantic friend who everyone ignores. It's a vicious circle.
It must make Hollywood screen writers want to tear their hairpieces out. They probably spend hours agonising over one defining line, only for cinema-goers to totally miss the message. Well, today, just to prove we are not only here to titillate but educate, hecklerspray is your annoying pedantic friend who, um, you'll eventually ignore.Really, we don't know why we bother.
Worst 7 Bond Girls
But even Bond's quality control has been shaken and stirred by one too many dry martinis. Not that any of us at hecklerspray would kick any of these misfiring flames out of bed, of course. After all, it's all for Queen and country.
We all have our favourite Bond Girls – but who is your least favourite? There is no doubt that Bond has bedded some of the most attractive film actresses ever, like Diana Rigg, Ursula Andress, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry and… errr, Grace Jones.
But even Bond's quality control has been shaken and stirred by one too many dry martinis. Not that any of us at hecklerspray would kick any of these misfiring flames out of bed, of course. After all, it's all for Queen and country.
Plus one is called Goodhead.
