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Sports News

ITV Balls Up The World Cup For Everyone With HD

by Matthew Laidlow

Across many towns and cities in England, anticipation for the first match of England’s World Cup campaign was building. Taking advantage of the late kick off, English fans flocked to pubs to guzzle down warm beer and watch the two other games. Then it was time for business – the overpriced replica tops came off [...]

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Alan Sugar To Become England’s 2018 World Cup Bid Apprentice?

by Matthew Laidlow

Someone play some dramatic important sounding music, quick – Lord Alan Sugar is in the house. Actually scratch that, wasn’t he called Sir Alan Sugar a year or so ago? Before we know it, the not-so-scary businessman will be changing his name to Dame Thorax Flop Of Goat’s Cheese Hill and frolicking around in granny [...]

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Tiger Woods: Rachel Uchitel Wants A Lie Detector Test

by Stuart Heritage

The worst thing about all this Tiger Woods business is obviously the effect that it’ll have on our faces.

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Marc Anthony Buys A Dolphin, Or Some Dolphins, Or Part Of A Dolphin

by Stuart Heritage

Marc Anthony probably gets sick of only being known as Jennifer Lopez’s husband, so he’s branched out.

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Michael Phelps Gets Suspended For Being A Stinking Hippy

by Stuart Heritage

For a second there it looked like Michael Phelps had got away with his bong-smoking exploits, didn’t it?

Well, he hasn’t. Although the IOC has forgiven Michael Phelps for smoking pot at a student house party, USA Swimming has been a little bit tougher on him, slapping him with a three-month ban.

In effect, this means that Michael Phelps will have to spend 12 of the coldest weeks of the year far away from a freezing swimming pool, while wearing more than just a tiny pair of Speedos. We don’t know how the poor boy’s going to cope, we really don’t.

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The Greatest Football/Rap Stars EVER!

by hecklerspray staff

Time was when footballers needed just two skills – the ability to kick a football, and a knack for heavy drinking. That way, they could win the game, celebrate it, then drift slowly into crippling alcoholism. It worked. But, as with every successful system, a few young rebels felt it necessary to buck the trend, [...]

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Super Bowl Porn: Arizona Gets A Boner

by hecklerspray staff

Maybe you’re not American, in which case you care less about ‘gridiron’ than you do about what kind of tea the sister of Coldplay’s bassist’s girlfriend drinks.

Or perhaps you are American, but one of those weird 600lb ones, in which case you’re unable to produce a molecule of thought which doesn’t just consist of the words “Cookies fries cheese fries cheese fries cheese cookies fries cheese fries cheese fries cheese” in an unending, hypnotic mindchant.

Well you all need to GET interested in gridiron, because each game is now being broadcast with a free porno. Sign us up for ESPN immediately!

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IOC: ‘Oh Michael Phelps, How Could We Ever Stay Mad At You?’

by Stuart Heritage

Michael Phelps exemplifies the Olympic spirit better than anyone, in that he’s a genetic freak who looks a bit dim.

But Michael Phelps’ Olympic career looked like it was over this weekend – thanks to that picture of him filling his ridiculously oversized lungs with drugsmoke at some sort of awful-looking teenage party.

Usually this behaviour comes with a two-year IOC ban, but Michael Phelps has got away with it. The IOC has said that the matter will end because Phelps looks ashamed of what he’s done. Silly IOC – that’s not shame, that’s just what Michael Phelps’ mangled-up face normally looks like.

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Bored In The USA: Bruce Springsteen Does The Super Bowl

by Stuart Heritage

Nobody watches the Super Bowl for sport, so nobody knows if the Cardigans or the Teapots won yesterday.

But they do watch the Super Bowl for one thing – boobies. Across the world yesterday, hundreds of millions of people tuned into to the Super Bowl to see who’d accidentally flop a knocker out during the halftime show. Sadly, all we got was Bruce Springsteen.

Bruce Springsteen yesterday performed a Super Bowl halftime set that was as flat and lifeless as any in recent memory, and he’s received lukewarm reviews for it at best. Plus, let’s be honest, his tits are terrible.

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Michael Phelps Sorry For Being Such A Drug-Crazed Lunatic

by Stuart Heritage

Michael Phelps, the man probably best known for starring in a Guitar Hero advert, has had better weekends.

Yesterday a newspaper published pictures of Michael Phelps apparently smoking a bong at a house party. And, since science proves that marijuana is at least as performance-enhancing as loads of steroids, it could lead to a competitive swimming ban for Phelps.

That’s disastrous. Take competitive swimming away from Michael Phelps and what have you got? A freakish man with a face like a clubbed seal who sort of seems like he’d be a bit of a tosser if you met him, that’s what.

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