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Sports News

The Black Eyed Peas To Play Superbowl, Not That Anyone Cares Outside Of America

by Mof Gimmers

The Superbowl is one of the most peculiar spectacles on Earth. For a start, the whole world reports on it despite not even having the vaguest idea what is going on. Of course, the basic elements of American Football are incredibly easy to dissect. Get ball – score touchdown – wear helmet. However, elsewhere, it’s [...]

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David Beckham To Stop Being English In Favour Of Becoming An American. Fine.

by Mof Gimmers

Proud Englishman and former England captain, David Beckham, wants to become a U.S. citizen. If you listen very carefully, you can just about hear the disappointment emanating drifting over the ocean. That’s right America! You can put up with his silly, squeaky voice from now on and we’ll all chortle as his voice becomes Americanised, [...]

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Diary of the Fearless Truth Seekers:The Week in Tabloids- The Rooneys and more

by Si Sharp

The papers spent another week, making in-depth relationship analysis about Wayne and Coleen Rooney based entirely on photographs of them sitting in or near water. The Mirror started it off on Monday with a picture of them in the pool in Dubai with the headline ‘Not a Care in Wayne’s World’. We’re not suggesting Wayne’s [...]

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Danny Dyer Ironically Questions The Talents Of Vinnie Jones

by Matthew Laidlow

“Knees up Mother Brown! Pass the dog and bone whilst I pop up the old apple and pears!” This is how a typical person from London talks and we have no clearer example of this than Grade A bell-end and all round East End geezah, Danny Dyer. As a proper Cockerney hardnut, Danny is the [...]

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My Trip to London by Michael Park (Aged 5 & 1/2)

by Michael Park

Hello, Mister Hecklerspray. I went to London and am on my way back to my house from London station. When I was in London I saw the sights and went to some shops and ate some nice food. When I was on Columbia Road looking at shops that sold things for my house, I saw [...]

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Peter Crouch Lambasts The Sun Over Pregnancy Story… But Doesn’t Mind Prostitute Story It Seems

by Mof Gimmers

Peter Crouch is a rare fish isn’t he? He’s about 60ft tall and 3 inches wide. He looks like Brassneck from The Dandy if he was made with straws by toddlers at a playgroup. Yet, despite all this, he’s a rather talented footballer. Of course, him being a footballer means that he’s prone to monumental [...]

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Penniless Waitress Receives Best Chat-Up Line EVER From Cristiano Ronaldo

by Mof Gimmers

Cristiano Ronaldo is a nice bloke isn’t he? He can do six-hundred step-overs, give a cheeky wink, impregnate a penniless woman and then come up with the astonishing name of Cristiano Ronaldo for it (regardless of whether it was going to be a boy or a girl) without breaking sweat. What a guy!

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Can Someone Buy Cristiano Ronaldo A Baby Name Book, Please?

by Stuart Heritage

You can tell that Cristiano Ronaldo will be a good father to his three-week-old son. It’s perfectly obvious.

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The Most Upsetting Story Ever: Dec Misses The Football

by Justrestingmyeyes

Sometimes news comes through that is so shocking, so horrific, so unbelievably heart-rending and tragic, that you can barely fit it into your mind. You try until you think your skull will pop, but it’s so monumental that it spills out of the sides, flushing away all rational thought, until all you can do is [...]

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World Cup: England 1 USA 1 – The Lego Version

by David Schwartz

OK, so everyone on this side of the Pond is doing all they can to forget England’s dismal 1-1 draw against World Cup minnows USA.

But here is one way to get the smiles back on English faces – the match replayed in glorious Lego.

Ah, yes, Lego. See, even the hapless Rob Green looks good in Lego.

[More...]

Let’s hope England do not go to pieces again this Friday.

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