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Sports News

This Article Is Most Definitley Not About Ryan Giggs

by Kris Silver

A sports personality we can’t name for legal reasons (not Barry Venison, pictured right, we just like his hair) was this week seen with his similarly unnamed wife arguing in the street with the unnamed person who may or may not been his former lover of an unnamed amount of time. The sportsman in question, [...]

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Madonna To Perform Super Bowl XLVI Half Time To Distract Everyone From Disgusting Hot Dogs In The Bleachers

by Mof Gimmers

She might hate hydrangeas, but she sure loves people throwing stupidly shaped balls around! That’s right folks! Madonna is totally going to be the halftime distraction at the next Super Bowl, or Super Bowl XLVI if you can’t count in English. The Material Girl (we’re forced to use that description by law) will clutter up [...]

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Athletics Is Stupid

by Mof Gimmers

There’s a lot of big talk from people about the London 2012 Olympics, not to mention some dumb track meet that’s been on the television recently, presented by various children’s TV presenters. What’s the fuss? Seriously – athletics is the stupidest thing ever. All that running around and throwing things at an innocent field. For [...]

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Ashley Cole Has Had Some Flings Because He Definitely Likes Women More Than Men

by hecklerspray staff

Cheryl Cole must be practising her best disappointed / all out of love face in the mirror again, because on again, off again, on again, off again, on again (off again?) ex-husband Ashley Cole is facing fresh allegation that as a single man he has slept with a lady or two, you know, cause he [...]

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Ryan Giggs To Stuff Brother’s Mouth With Money For Silence Before Sloping Into Retirement

by Mof Gimmers

Ryan Giggs may have won just about everything a footballer can win at club level, but really, what he most excels in is How To Balls Up A Brilliant Career By Completely Mismanaging A Scandal Surrounding Your Sex Life Forever And Ever. So badly has Giggs played the whole injunction/Imogen Thomas thing, is that he’s [...]

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The Rock’s Career Must Be On The Rocks

by Kris Silver

Dwayne Johnson a.k.a. The Rock a.k.a. The Great One a.k.a. The Brahma Bull a.k.a. The People’s Champion a.k.a. The Scorpion King has decided that now is the time for him to don his famous trunks once more and return to the world of professional wrestling. That’s right folks. Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to [...]

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Richard Keys And Andy Gray Are Back On The Airwaves

by Kris Silver

The transfer season may well be over, but the biggest football transfer of the year has just taken place. That’s right, after having their contracts terminated by Sky Sports, public whipping boys Richard Keys and Andy Gray have signed for conference side talkSPORT, in a deal said to be worth roughly the price of a [...]

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Diary of the Fearless Truth-Seekers: The Week in Tabloids- Soccer Sexists and Superstar Sexuality

by Si Sharp

Much has already been said about the Andy Gray and Richard Keys story, with Charlie Brooker supplying one of more interesting slants on it, but we would like to point out The Sun’s sweetly optimistic approach to it on  Monday, the day after Andy’s original on-air gaffe and was tucked away on page ten in [...]

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Christina Aguilera To Perform 3 Hour Version Of National Anthem At Superbowl

by Mof Gimmers

Americans are funny aren’t they? They’re just mad about their stupid national anthem. Apparently, Americans sing it 78 times a day, just so they can feel more American! You would have thought that, by virtue of the fact that they’re American, they wouldn’t need to remind themselves so frequently. And one of the most notable [...]

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Liz Hurley Has Been Getting Off With Tubby, Balding Cricketer Shane Warne And No-One Can Work Out Why

by Mof Gimmers

Remember when everyone used to fancy Liz Hurley? She was the posh English rose who looked like she was absolute filth and erupted the nation’s trousers by appearing in a safety pin dress and getting cheated-on by Hugh Grant who decided to get a nosh from Divine Brown. Basically, there was a time when she [...]

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