Music Reviews / Previews
Eurovision 2009: Lidia Kopania, Poland
11 days. That's it. 11 days and it's the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest. But don't be sad, because we've still got an infuriatingly large amount of countries to get through before then. And with such a short amount of time left until Eurovision, we're sure you can imagine how busy it is over at Eurovision HQ! Why, just last week it was announced that Dita Von Teese might be performing with the Germans during their performance. Which is exciting, right? Right? Oh, why won't anybody answer us? Anyway, here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Lidia Kopania from Poland...
11 days. That's it. 11 days and it's the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest. But don't be sad, because we've still got an infuriatingly large amount of countries to get through before then. And with such a short amount of time left until Eurovision, we're sure you can imagine how busy it is over at Eurovision HQ! Why, just last week it was announced that Dita Von Teese might be performing with the Germans during their performance. Which is exciting, right? Right? Oh, why won't anybody answer us? Anyway, here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Lidia Kopania from Poland...
Eurovision 2009: Alexander Rybak, Norway
Now we know what you're thinking. You're thinking that we can't possibly top yesterday's Eurovision profile. And you're right. We can't. Yesterday we profiled the worst Eurovision song in history, and nothing can come close to even equalling its magnificent awfulness. But here's the next best thing - the favourite to win Eurovision. Relax, though - it's performed by a child who'll you'll probably want to injure. Here, then, is the Eurovision 2009 profile for Alexander Rybak from Norway...
Now we know what you're thinking. You're thinking that we can't possibly top yesterday's Eurovision profile. And you're right. We can't. Yesterday we profiled the worst Eurovision song in history, and nothing can come close to even equalling its magnificent awfulness. But here's the next best thing - the favourite to win Eurovision. Relax, though - it's performed by a child who'll you'll probably want to injure. Here, then, is the Eurovision 2009 profile for Alexander Rybak from Norway...
Eurovision 2009: The Toppers, Netherlands
Look, it's been a rubbish week. Nobody's got any money and we'll all be dead by the summer. But help is at hand. Because now, in today's Eurovision rundown, we have a treat for you. Something that will blow the gloomy old cobwebs away from your life and give you the best start to the day you have ever head. We're not exaggerating. Today we bring you the absolute worst Eurovision entry in the entire history of the competition. Excited? Good. Here it is, then - the 2009 Eurovision entry from the Netherlands, by The Toppers...
Look, it's been a rubbish week. Nobody's got any money and we'll all be dead by the summer. But help is at hand. Because now, in today's Eurovision rundown, we have a treat for you. Something that will blow the gloomy old cobwebs away from your life and give you the best start to the day you have ever head. We're not exaggerating. Today we bring you the absolute worst Eurovision entry in the entire history of the competition. Excited? Good. Here it is, then - the 2009 Eurovision entry from the Netherlands, by The Toppers...
EUROVISION 2009: Andrea Demirovi?, Montenegro
Halfway through the week, but we promise you that it'll be the best half-week of these Eurovision 2009 rundowns. Well, maybe not the best. But the most interesting, at least. Why? Because Friday's profile is performed by the worst boy in all the world, and tomorrow's profile is the absolute worst song we have ever heard in all our lives. And today's profile? Well, um, let's skip over that, shall we? So here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Andrea Demirovi? from Montenegro...
Halfway through the week, but we promise you that it'll be the best half-week of these Eurovision 2009 rundowns. Well, maybe not the best. But the most interesting, at least. Why? Because Friday's profile is performed by the worst boy in all the world, and tomorrow's profile is the absolute worst song we have ever heard in all our lives. And today's profile? Well, um, let's skip over that, shall we? So here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Andrea Demirovi? from Montenegro...
Eurovision 2009: Nelly Ciobanu, Moldova
Ready for another buttload of Eurovision 2009 profiles? Yes, of course you are. We know we're hyping this up a bit, but in a few days we're going to be showing you the worst Eurovision entry we've ever heard. It's awful. It's not even so bad it's good. It's so bad it's genuinely made us contemplate self-harm. It's horrible. And it's coming in a few days. But first here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Nelly Ciobanu from Moldova...
Ready for another buttload of Eurovision 2009 profiles? Yes, of course you are. We know we're hyping this up a bit, but in a few days we're going to be showing you the worst Eurovision entry we've ever heard. It's awful. It's not even so bad it's good. It's so bad it's genuinely made us contemplate self-harm. It's horrible. And it's coming in a few days. But first here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Nelly Ciobanu from Moldova...
Eurovision 2009: Chiara, Malta
Guess what? We're going to hit you with a brace of new Eurovision 2009 profiles. Makes a change, eh? Anyway, you'll be thrilled to learn that we're about to hit something of a rare streak of form this week. This week we'll almost certainly be writing about the song that'll win the Eurovision Song Contest. Luckily, however, we've also got the worst song in Eurovision history coming up in a few days as well. Keep your eyes open for that one. But first, here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Chiara from Malta...
Guess what? We're going to hit you with a brace of new Eurovision 2009 profiles. Makes a change, eh? Anyway, you'll be thrilled to learn that we're about to hit something of a rare streak of form this week. This week we'll almost certainly be writing about the song that'll win the Eurovision Song Contest. Luckily, however, we've also got the worst song in Eurovision history coming up in a few days as well. Keep your eyes open for that one. But first, here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Chiara from Malta...
Eurovision 2009: Next Time, FYR Macedonia
Let's round out the week of Eurovision profiles with a good one, shall we? Actually, no, let's not. Because for that to happen we'd have to transport everyone to a strange parallel universe where the Eurovision Song Contest is an exhibition of the best in artistic talent that Europe has to offer, and not a crappy night of rubbish music. And the cost of doing that would be prohibitive. So here's some more of the usual crap instead. It's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Next Time from FYR Macedonia...
Let's round out the week of Eurovision profiles with a good one, shall we? Actually, no, let's not. Because for that to happen we'd have to transport everyone to a strange parallel universe where the Eurovision Song Contest is an exhibition of the best in artistic talent that Europe has to offer, and not a crappy night of rubbish music. And the cost of doing that would be prohibitive. So here's some more of the usual crap instead. It's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Next Time from FYR Macedonia...
Eurovision 2009: Sasha Son, Lithuania
The Eurovision Song Contest is almost upon us, and... No, actually, wait. The Eurovision Song Contest isn't almost upon us at all. It's weeks away. Honestly, there's ages before the Eurovision Song Contest. It's much too early to bother with any of it. Really, it is. Why don't you take the time you were planning to read this and do something more constructive? Say hi to your neighbour. Write that book you always promised yourself. It's better this way. No? Fine then, here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Sasha Son from Lithuania...
The Eurovision Song Contest is almost upon us, and... No, actually, wait. The Eurovision Song Contest isn't almost upon us at all. It's weeks away. Honestly, there's ages before the Eurovision Song Contest. It's much too early to bother with any of it. Really, it is. Why don't you take the time you were planning to read this and do something more constructive? Say hi to your neighbour. Write that book you always promised yourself. It's better this way. No? Fine then, here's the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Sasha Son from Lithuania...
