It’s that time of the week once more where you get texts from distant relatives and Facebook friends you decided it was acceptable to dole out your mobile number to.
They are texting you because they know that you will be slinking back to a cold flat alone after work and they want your Orange Wednesday so they can go to the cinema with their real friends. You might not be invited, but you’re also not using it are you?
We know that you don’t want to cry all night so we’re going to let you watch some of the trailers for the films they might be watching this week then you can be part of the team (which you’re not because as we all know there’s no ‘I’ in team.)
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One of the big talking points from the Super Bowl commercial break was… well… Clint Eastwood. Away from that though, there’s a little excitement surrounding the trailer for Marvel’s The Avengers movie.
While most superhero flicks are brooding like Batman at the moment, it appears that The Avengers film is going to be pleasingly dumb, if the trailer is anything to go by.
So if you want to see it, strap in and watch things explode with Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow) and Hulk get into a giant scrap with a fella with long, greasy hair.
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Films. Movies. Whatever you call them, they are still being released. They’re always being released. They’ll never stop being released. Surely, at some point, we’ll reach a time when we’ve got enough films. We only need so many, right?
Anyway, until then, we’ve got to look at the newest flicks that are coming out. You can almost smell the stale popcorn.
So, here’s what the week in film trailers looks like for those of you who are hearing and/or visually impaired we’re doing the dirty work so you don’t have to.
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Plot holes! Popcorn! If you hadn’t guessed, hecklerspray is venturing into the world of film criticism and, as awards season rolls around again with all the depressing monotony of Madonna trying her best to make a movie, we couldn’t have picked a better time to start.
We’ve already seen The Golden Globes pass by like a bus that couldn’t be bothered to hit anyone and The London Critics Circle had an altogether more serious affair for the ‘proper’ films; they’ll be the ones you never saw while you were queuing for tickets to The Inbetweeners Movie.
Now though it’s time for that decrepit golden man to bestow some acclaim on some people who really don’t need anymore; enter Oscar. In other words – let us look at new trailers for new films.
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The days when ‘big films’ on Christmas telly were circled in red pen by enthusiastic Radio/TV Times readers have long since passed. Cheap DVDs and 950-odd movie channels have made the ‘terrestrial premiere’ have all the impact of the phrase ‘starring Jim Cavaziel’.
There’s always the big screen of course, with the festive flicks offering a welcome escape from hateful relatives or having to grind through the likes of The Krankies’ ‘It’s Behind You’ Panto Special on Channel Five (at least we don’t have the horrors of Disney Time and Holiday on Ice to glaze our brains over any more).
So join us at the movies and let’s see what’s on.
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Dark Knight Rises or Batman 3. What are you calling it? Well, judging by the newly released trailer, you could justifiably call it Occupy Gotham. It is fair to say that Bruce Wayne is part of the 1%.
Wisely, Christopher Nolan & Co have decided to tap into the most polite civil unrest yet and, mercifully, thrown some supervillains at it because we demand explosions and people getting punched in the throat.
And, regrettably for us snarks, the film looks like it might be really great. There’s a chance we’ll still give it a bad review though, just to be contrarians.
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Well, it’s almost that time of year. You remember, right? The time of year when the two Snow White films come out at exactly the same time, injecting new, vampiric life into the classic tale of Snow White. No seven dwarves here- just TEENAGE ANGST.
Although, if we’re being fair (which we rarely are) the film deserves some credit for taking on a darker note than we had expected while the idea of watching Kristen Stewart engaged in a “who’s hotter” contest to the end of the earth and back with Charlize Theron fills us with the same sense of dread that one gets when you’ve just contracted gastroenteritis.
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We Need To Talk About Kevin is one of those films where everybody says they loved it for its gritty portrayal of a mother coming to terms with the fact her misunderstood son killed a load of people at school for no apparent reason, making everyone throw their hands in the air and scream ‘WHY GOD??’, even those who haven’t seen the bloody film.
The truth is that it’s as tedious as a GCSE drama piece about growing up in North Wales.
The translucent skinned, Tilda Swinton, was the only woman that could have played the part of Eva, Kevin’s mother, as she plodded about town looking like somebody with Dutch Elm disease.
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