Game Reviews
Enemy Of Chaos: Book Review
Remember the kids’ TV show Knightmare? Where a gawky square-eyed thirteen year old wandered blindly through a Dungeons and Dragons style green-screen environment, with buck-toothed team mates urging him on with instructions like, “two paces left. No, two paces. No, your other left”. Along the way he’d encounter wildly overacting characters who would declare “WELCOME BRAVE KNIGHT ...
Remember the kids’ TV show Knightmare? Where a gawky square-eyed thirteen year old wandered blindly through a Dungeons and Dragons style green-screen environment, with buck-toothed team mates urging him on with instructions like, “two paces left. No, two paces. No, your other left”. Along the way he’d encounter wildly overacting characters who would declare “WELCOME BRAVE KNIGHT ...
SLACKERJACK – World Golf Tour
So what if golf is played by the kind of smug cretinous goons who you would pretend not to notice were they getting ever limper under a dust cloud of ASBO fists on a late night bus - this game is amazing. It's Golf. But it's, like, Computer Golf. All the same rules apply as with normal Golf - in that you use your stick to hit the gobstopper at the hole, or into your opponents face. Only, here you don't have to dress up like a guffawing idiot who probably goes out for prostitutes when no one's looking.
So what if golf is played by the kind of smug cretinous goons who you would pretend not to notice were they getting ever limper under a dust cloud of ASBO fists on a late night bus - this game is amazing. It's Golf. But it's, like, Computer Golf. All the same rules apply as with normal Golf - in that you use your stick to hit the gobstopper at the hole, or into your opponents face. Only, here you don't have to dress up like a guffawing idiot who probably goes out for prostitutes when no one's looking.
Guff About Videogames – The Summer Drought Edition
Summer means no games coming out, it means having to go outside and it means that all we can do is stare longingly at pictures of games that are going to come out at Christmas. It is a sad time indeed to be a gamer, and one of the worst times for the affliction known as "always looking forward... itis... osis" whereby people insist on ignoring what's about now and instead focus on what will be about in six months. Of course, when the six months is up they just end up looking forward to the stuff coming in 2010, and so on and so forth. The fools!
Summer means no games coming out, it means having to go outside and it means that all we can do is stare longingly at pictures of games that are going to come out at Christmas. It is a sad time indeed to be a gamer, and one of the worst times for the affliction known as "always looking forward... itis... osis" whereby people insist on ignoring what's about now and instead focus on what will be about in six months. Of course, when the six months is up they just end up looking forward to the stuff coming in 2010, and so on and so forth. The fools!
Guff About Videogames – The Secret of Michael Jackson Island
There is some news that just gets swept under in the grand scheme of things, even if it's Twittered about and - as we all know - everyone in the world reads that pile of tripe. Even news about Lucasarts classics being remade and re-released on one of those new-fangled 'digital distribution' platforms, called 'Steam', or something, which has suffered in the wake of the news of Michael Jackson's death. Wait - what do you mean Michael Jackson is dead?! We hadn't heard. Three hundred times a day. For the last four months. Yes, since before he had even died.
There is some news that just gets swept under in the grand scheme of things, even if it's Twittered about and - as we all know - everyone in the world reads that pile of tripe. Even news about Lucasarts classics being remade and re-released on one of those new-fangled 'digital distribution' platforms, called 'Steam', or something, which has suffered in the wake of the news of Michael Jackson's death. Wait - what do you mean Michael Jackson is dead?! We hadn't heard. Three hundred times a day. For the last four months. Yes, since before he had even died.
Guff About Videogames – PEGI 18+ Edition
Apologies to those who missed last week’s Guff – we know how much you love it and how it ranks amongst the most-viewed pages in hecklerspray history, but the hive mind went on a road trip. By train. So, back to normal service it is. Hey – aren’t these things that happened over the last couple of weeks in gaming funny! Ho ho ho. Seriously though – that whole PEGI/BBFC furore has produced some amazing bitchiness and a lot of people who didn’t care about the whole thing reacting in a way that suggests they still don’t care about the whole thing. What a (two) week(s)!
Apologies to those who missed last week’s Guff – we know how much you love it and how it ranks amongst the most-viewed pages in hecklerspray history, but the hive mind went on a road trip. By train. So, back to normal service it is. Hey – aren’t these things that happened over the last couple of weeks in gaming funny! Ho ho ho. Seriously though – that whole PEGI/BBFC furore has produced some amazing bitchiness and a lot of people who didn’t care about the whole thing reacting in a way that suggests they still don’t care about the whole thing. What a (two) week(s)!
Guff About Videogames: Ban All Violence Ever Edition
That's it, we've had enough. No more shooting, no more blood, no more swearing and definitely no more insulting other players or their mothers. No more. We're done with it. As we all know, playing violent games makes you a killer. Every individual at hecklerspray who has ever played a video game has a kill ratio of three people per game played. It's just common sense. So thank Thor for the Germans and their incredible foresight when it comes to violent games potentially being entirely banned in their great nation.
That's it, we've had enough. No more shooting, no more blood, no more swearing and definitely no more insulting other players or their mothers. No more. We're done with it. As we all know, playing violent games makes you a killer. Every individual at hecklerspray who has ever played a video game has a kill ratio of three people per game played. It's just common sense. So thank Thor for the Germans and their incredible foresight when it comes to violent games potentially being entirely banned in their great nation.
Hecklerspray at E3 – Some Games We’d Buy, Some We Wouldn’t
Forget the various industry events and announcements at E3 - it’s time to get down to business. In other words, which games were good and which were bad. Now, I have adopted a very scientific approach to this – I basically played or viewed demos of any games I liked the look of during the three days and rated them either in the 'buy' or ‘don’t buy’ categories. It was tough and took me ages, but I just wanted to let you know I really wanted to go the extra mile for you, the Hecklerspray public. Enjoy!!
Forget the various industry events and announcements at E3 - it’s time to get down to business. In other words, which games were good and which were bad. Now, I have adopted a very scientific approach to this – I basically played or viewed demos of any games I liked the look of during the three days and rated them either in the 'buy' or ‘don’t buy’ categories. It was tough and took me ages, but I just wanted to let you know I really wanted to go the extra mile for you, the Hecklerspray public. Enjoy!!
Hecklerspray At E3 – Winners And Losers From E3
With E3 over with for another year, I thought it was time to take stock. Well, I have had a great time and really enjoyed trying out lots of new games. The highlight of the trip was meeting McLovin from Superbad, but really, I have to say, my celebrity quota has been quite poor – maybe they have actually heard of us. In fact, the only thing I’ve probably caught is pig flu. Anyway, I thought now was the time to reflect and being the bloke who does most of the lists on this site, I thought I would go through the biggest winners and losers from E3.
With E3 over with for another year, I thought it was time to take stock. Well, I have had a great time and really enjoyed trying out lots of new games. The highlight of the trip was meeting McLovin from Superbad, but really, I have to say, my celebrity quota has been quite poor – maybe they have actually heard of us. In fact, the only thing I’ve probably caught is pig flu. Anyway, I thought now was the time to reflect and being the bloke who does most of the lists on this site, I thought I would go through the biggest winners and losers from E3.
