Phil Spector Murder Trial

The terrible thing about murder trials is that there's always someone trying to bring the mood down, like the forensic analyst who insisted on showing everyone at the Phil Spector murder trial all sorts of gory photos of Lana Clarkson's dead body.

Yesterday Lynne Herold, the chief analyst of the forensic evidence against Phil Spector, took to the stand in the ongoing Phil Spector murder trial to provide the courtroom with the most graphic reminder of what happened to Lana Clarkson yet - a number of close-up photographs of her dead body and injuries sustained by the gunshot wound that killed her. It's horrifying images like this that a) act as a sharp wake-up call to the severity of the charges against Phil Spector and b) make us wish that Lana Clarkson was wearing one of Phil Spector's hilarious lesbian wigs when she died so at least we could make a sodding joke about it.

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This week we learnt that none of Phil Spector's DNA was found on the gun that killed Lana Clarkson, but now we've now discovered that pretty much everyone's DNA was splattered all over everyone else's naughty bits like goodness knows what.

Already in the Phil Spector murder trial a detective has opined that Lana Clarkson's death may have had a sexual leaning thanks to the candlelit crime scene and the brandy snifters left on the mantelpiece, but now events have been given a slight nudge in that direction thanks to the revelation that Phil Spector's DNA was found on Lana Clarkson's left breast, what appears to be Lana Clarkson's DNA was found on Phil Spector's genitals and someone else's DNA was found on a different part of Phil Spector's genitals. We've said it before and we'll say it again - with results like that we've got to get our hands on one of those lesbian wigs. 

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Phil Spector murder case investigators were always looking for two pieces of evidence - 1) incriminating traces of Phil Spector's DNA, and 2) some of Phil Spector's hair, as it's made of 100% spun gold and starlight and, as such, is fairly valuable.

Sadly for the investigators, though, they were unable to find either. While the strands of Phil Spector hair alone would have been worth enough to place a downpayment on a large beachside house, the Phil Spector DNA would have probably been enough to convict Phil Spector for the murder of Lana Clarkson. And now a leading criminalist has taken to the stand to admit that no trace of Phil Spector's DNA could be found on the gun that killed Clarkson. Granted, that could be because enough DNA spurted out of Lana Clarkson's face when she was shot in the face to cover up Spector's DNA, but what can you do?

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For all the Phil Spector murder trial shenanigans, nobody has really tried to explain why Phil Spector allegedly shot Lana Clarkson in the mouth, although that's because most people assumed that she laughed at his hair and he got angry.

Not so, says the case's lead investigator Detective Mark Lillienfeld. Lillienfeld is convinced that Lana Clarkson's death was sexually motivated, thanks to subtle clues at the crime scene like the dress that Lana Clarkson was wearing, the false eyelashes left on the candlelit fireside next to the brandy snifters and the fact that Phil Spector had a two-thirds empty packet of Viagra in his suitcase. That's just what we needed - as if the mental image of a tiny man in a lesbian wig shooting a woman in the mouth wasn't disturbing enough, now we have to deal with the mental image of a tiny man in a lesbian wig shooting a woman in the mouth with a medically-assisted hard-on. Lovely.

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There's nothing like the sight of a revolver covered in four-year-old dried blood to sharply remind you that the Phil Spector murder trial is a murder trial and not just an excuse to mock a tiny old man with a range of bewildering haircuts.

And that's what everyone in court for the continuing Phil Spector murder trial discovered yesterday, when the snub-nosed .38 Special that fired the shot that killed Lana Clarkson was shown to the jury, along with several other guns that police found in Phil Spector's home following her death. This gun display effectively means that the prosecution in the Phil Spector murder trial is moving into a new, hyper-serious stage where claims that Phil Spector murdered Lana Clarkson will be repeatedly drilled into the jury. Since that means wisecracks about lesbian haircuts are going to look severely misjudged from now on, we can't pretend that we're not a little upset by this.

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If you're an actress who died of a gunshot wound under mysterious circumstances, the last thing you'd want would be for people to find the diary where you explained how you were visited by the ghost of an actress who shot herself in the head.

But last week that's what Phil Spector's defence team said it had, and promptly asked the judge if it could use the diary as evidence to prove that Lana Clarkson committed suicide instead of getting shot in the face by Phil Spector. However, now the judge has read the diary for himself, it turns out that Lana Clarkson didn't see a vision of an actress who died the exact same way she did, but she saw a shadow move across a window or something instead. And, since the shadow wasn't tiny, didn't have a lesbian haircut and didn't produce River Deep Mountain High, the judge has decided that it can't be used as evidence.

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So far, much of the Phil Spector murder trial has rested on how much of a nutter people think Phil Spector is, but now - for a change - the focus is shifting onto how much of a nutter people think dead Lana Clarkson was instead.

The judge presiding over the Phil Spector murder trial is currently considering whether or not to allow some of Lana Clarkson's diaries to be used as evidence. If they are allowed, they'll be a keystone of Phil Spector's defence, since they contain passages where Lana Clarkson - a washed-up actress who died of a gunshot to the head - has visions of seeing a washed-up actress who killed herself with a gun. Even more damningly, however, are the sections of the diary where Lana Clarkson describes waking up in the morning, eating a bowl of cornflakes, brushing her teeth, shopping for apples, returning home and sort of sitting about in front of the TV a bit waiting for Deal Or No Deal. Damning, we say. 

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It was looking to be a bad week for Phil Spector, thanks to a coroner more or less saying that Phil Spector must have killed Lana Clarkson, so thank heavens that the coroner doesn't even know who was holding the gun when it killed her.

As everyone suspected, Phil Spector's defence team leapt into action yesterday to try and demolish the earlier claims made by coroner Louis Pena. And it was an impressive showing too - Phil Spector's defence latched onto the fact that nobody knows who shot who and that the coroner's investigation was filled with blunder after blunder that has managed to cloud the evidence with all sorts of confusion. And, to make Phil Spector's day even better, the court was full of people putting things into their mouths to replicate Phil Spector's gun, so the ensuing blowjob jobs would overshadow all that crap about his lesbian wig.

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It's been a long time coming, but finally a coroner has made an appearance at the Phil Spector murder trial - good news for everyone except Phil Spector, since the coroner seems to think that Phil Spector might actually be a murderer.

Over the course of events in court yesterday, coroner Louis Pena pulled apart everything from the crime scene - from Lana Clarkson's bruised tongue to her mental state before she died - challenging the defence's claim that Lana Clarkson committed suicide. This is a huge turning point in the trial, and Phil Spector needs to react quickly. Just as he altered his appearance to look less threatening when the trial began by wearing a cute blonde lesbian wig, now maybe Phil Spector needs to continue down this road by turning up to court tomorrow in a pink frilly dress, ringlets and disarmingly oversized lollipop. Try focusing on important coroner evidence when faced with that.

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Thank goodness for Henry Lee - if he hadn't apparently pocketed a piece of evidence from Phil Spector's house, there's a chance that the Phil Spector murder trial would now be about actual murder instead of the really important subject: fingernails.

After hearing the testimonies of two witnesses, Judge Larry Paul Fidler has ruled that ubiquitous forensics celebrity Henry Lee did withhold a piece of fingernail-based evidence that he took from Phil Spector's mansion in the aftermath of Lana Clarkson's death. Although his punishment will not be large, this ruling may affect the future career of Henry Lee - who also worked on OJ Simpson's trial - because now celebrities will be bound to look for a different forensics expert the next time one of them goes crazy, violently murders a woman and wants it covered up. Or, alternatively, when one of them doesn't go crazy or murder anyone but is put on trial as a suspect for murder although they're eventually found to be innocent because they clearly didn't do it.

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