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Private Kerry Hylton, 33, a chef with the Welsh Guards who was nicknamed ‘Paris Hilton’ is suing the Army for racial discrimination.

Initial rumours suggested Private Hylton earned the nickname after donning a blonde wig, a wonky eye and a Chihuahua for a video he made of himself giving oral sex to his Senior Chief Petty Officer which was leaked over the Army’s LAN.

But those rumours were immediately quashed by the irresponsible person who started them.

The true reason behind the nicknaming is entirely unclear as of yet, but one thing we do know for sure is that Private Hylton found the ‘Paris Hilton’ comparison highly offensive, because Paris was a “white woman with a low reputation”.

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Comedy nights can be hit-and-miss affairs.

You know the score - sometimes you're blown away by a selection of genuinely witty, intelligent and funny gag-merchants, while on other occasions you end up so bored with legions of "hey, aren't men and women kinda different" jokes that you end up gnawing on your pint glass in sheer frustration. And then receiving a cleaners bill for all that pesky blood-mopping afterwards.

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If you are anything like us, then you love watching people puke too.

In 1982 we saw a fat man gorge himself on twinkies and hot sauce until he sprayed the apparently delicious combo all over the food court. He got most of it into his wife's Macy's bag, but no less than three mop-crews had to clean up the first bunch of chunks.

It was fascinating. We were riveted. Try as we might we couldn't get it out of our head. Watching people throw up became a sick obsession of ours to the point where now, we only date real skinny bulimics. If your knuckles aren't beautifully scarred then sorry ladies, we're not interested.

This one Swedish talk show host though, we could totally see ourselves living happily with her forever. On a scale of 1 - 10 the puke she lets fly here on camera is no less than a seven. Before she tosses her lunch there's really no indication she's going to, and afterwards she seems chipper as ever.

Happy facade aside - you know towards the end of the clip she's standing in a stinky wet spot.

hecklerspray is petrified of death. We mean seriously - when the lights go out, what happens? Dianetics and the Bible tell us that heaven is filled with licorice flavoured slot machines or something, and your odds of winning are one in seven. The Koran on the other hand tells us the place is filled with sugar coated antler-horns.

Now what exactly a fellow is supposed to do with said antler-horns is unbeknownst to us. But it really doesn't matter - because apparently those pearly gates are attached to the front of a bus station that sends us right back here. Just ask Chris Farley. He's a two-year-old girl now.

It's reincarnation people. Possibly. Or a super disguting dead-guy/baby-girl face transplant. Gross!

Of course this is great news for David Spade. After all, in about 16 years he and female Farley will be able to have that baby everyone on the set of Black Sheep was hoping they would. Seriously - look at that picture and tell us that isn't the spitting image of Chris. We don't have any idea where that pic came from, but it's here just the same - click on it.