TV News
The best programme to come out of the BBC for years (okay, we’ll give you Dragons Den, but not The Apprentice) is in danger of being axed – all because a bunch of miserable sods want to ruin everyone’s fun.
Same old story then.
Transport 2000, an organisation of greenie cycle lovers, probably the same people smacking into your car wing mirrors with their handlebars every morning, want to get Top Gear banned because "It glamorises speed and fails to make the connection with danger on the roadsâ€. Put hand on head and sigh deeply.
And we haven’t even told you about ‘Third Gear’ yet…
hecklerspray quite simply loves World's Wildest Police Chases, Channel Five's regular Sunday night treat. So good is the show, infact, that it almost makes up for all the other bilge they broadcast rolled into one.
We ask you ... what better way is there to enter the working week than amidst a shakily-filmed sea of hilarious drunken rednecks and their veering pickup trucks (pig in passenger seat entirely optional)?
According to the makers of the new Japanese Sesame Street, cuddly little red fellow Elmo is to become an unstable emotional wreck, prone to regular bouts of weeping and chronic 'struggles with feelings of defeat.'
Rumours that Elmo is to instead into philosophical self-loathing after killing an elderly money-lender are as yet unfounded ...
Soon, and perhaps even by the time you read this, ITV1 will be on strike. Unfortunately this will not affect their programming output in any way whatsoever.
Reality TV maniacs, Michael Howard and other creatures of the night will be pleased to hear that Big Brother 6 will hit our screens in about seven weeks time, on 27th May.
Digital Spy is reporting that Davina and Dermot have both signed up for another term, which may last for 15 weeks if rumours prove correct. That's longer than three months.
Presumably the producers need some help with dragging
...
Frankly staggering news now as Coronation Street bosses have announced actress Kate Ford will be signing on for another year as Monsoon clad northern strumpet Tracy Barlow.
On the eve of the Pope’s funeral, Windsor security scares and even some existential chatter about Nicole Kidman’s DNA, this is the one story to eclipse them all.
Joey... man does it suck. Let's take a lesson in theological history to put this into perspective.
The world's first recorded crap spinoff came after The Old Testament, when God thought He was onto a bit of a winner with all the Adam and Eve stuff, and wanted to continue with it.
However, Eve wasn't happy with the setup, complaining about the higher billing that Adam got, so she left. God decided that the next sidekick for Adam would be a wisecracking cartoon detective giraffe named DJ Bangbang.
Adam and DJ Bangbang weren't really as popular as Adam and Eve, and so they were quietly retired and replaced with Jesus. And so, Friends became Joey.
Britain - let's face it - is not great at very much. Where once we could hold our heads high and say that this was the birthplace of Darwin, Dickins and Churchill, who do we have for heroes now? Ellen MacArthur, a woman who can sail right round the world, all by herself, but still manages to appear less interesting than Steve Ryder? Or Paula Radcliffe, a woman who actually admits to shitting in her knickers during marathons and other race events?
