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Grey’s Anatomy Actor: Sorry For My Destructo-Rampage

by Stuart Heritage

When it comes to sheer unrelenting drama, Grey’s Anatomy is where it’s at. Not the TV show Grey’s Anatomy, of course – that’s duller than double maths on a rainy day – we’re talking about the shenanigans on the Grey’s Anatomy set.

In the last few weeks alone, the goings-on behind the scenes of Grey’s Anatomy have vastly outstripped anything that has happened on-screen on Grey’s Anatomy, or any other TV drama for that matter. The pinnacle of interestingness came when two Grey’s Anatomy actors, Isaiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey, butted heads like two randy stags and proceeded to roll around the floor destroying everything around them as they attempted to push their fists through each other’s skull. Or something. Anyway, now Isaiah Washington has decided to apologise for his Grey’s Anatomy actions that day. Like a big girl.

When it comes to sheer unrelenting drama, Grey's Anatomy is where it's at. Not the TV show Grey's Anatomy, of course - that's duller than double maths on a rainy day - we're talking about the shenanigans on the Grey's Anatomy set. In the last few weeks alone, the goings-on behind the scenes of Grey's Anatomy have vastly outstripped anything that has happened on-screen on Grey's Anatomy, or any other TV drama for that matter. The pinnacle of interestingness came when two Grey's Anatomy actors, Isaiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey, butted heads like two randy stags and proceeded to roll around the floor destroying everything around them as they attempted to push their fists through each other's skull. Or something. Anyway, now Isaiah Washington has decided to apologise for his Grey's Anatomy actions that day. Like a big girl.
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Madonna Tells Oprah Media Made Her Arse Up Adoption

by Stuart Heritage

Madonna has taken all she can. Over the last few weeks she’s been subject to intense scrutiny over her decision to adopt a boy from Malawi and now Madonna has taken her case to the highest court in the land: The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Madonna’s long-awaited appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show won’t be broadcast until tonight but, thanks to one magazine’s uncanny ability to ask Oprah’s audience members some questions on their way out of the studio, we know that Madonna says the media is to blame for all the negative publicity she’s received for adopting David Banda, and not Madonna for the way that she jumped on a celebrity fad, bent international adoption rules a little bit and then moved a boy thousands of miles away from his family. Good job The Oprah Winfrey Show isn’t part of the media in any way, isn’t it, or we’d all end up getting really confused.

Oh.

Madonna has taken all she can. Over the last few weeks she's been subject to intense scrutiny over her decision to adopt a boy from Malawi and now Madonna has taken her case to the highest court in the land: The Oprah Winfrey Show. Madonna's long-awaited appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show won't be broadcast until tonight but, thanks to one magazine's uncanny ability to ask Oprah's audience members some questions on their way out of the studio, we know that Madonna says the media is to blame for all the negative publicity she's received for adopting David Banda, and not Madonna for the way that she jumped on a celebrity fad, bent international adoption rules a little bit and then moved a boy thousands of miles away from his family. Good job The Oprah Winfrey Show isn't part of the media in any way, isn't it, or we'd all end up getting really confused. Oh.
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The Queen Gets An Osbournes-Style Reality TV Show

by Stuart Heritage

It’s a difficult job being head of the British monarchy – you have to constantly show the public that you’re in touch with modern moods and culture, at least until you’re behind closed doors when you can go and eat a swan or something.

But that’s not enough for the British public – it wants to see what the Queen is like all the time; 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Short of posting daily Diddy-style soundbites on YouTube, the Queen has never been able to do this – until now. The BBC has somehow coerced the Queen into starring in her very own reality TV show, entitled The Monarchy. And if The Monarchy is a success, it’s hoped that the Queen will then go on to become a judge on X Factor and score a lucrative job doing Asda commercials.

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Madonna Won’t Div About On Cross For NBC

by Stuart Heritage

What with Madonna shocking the world with this whole adoption thing, its easy to forget that it wasn’t so long ago that Madonna was shocking the world by singing a song on a cross in a bad pair of knickers.

That crucifix controversy hasn’t gone away, though – Madonna gave one last run-through of her Confessions tour set for NBC not so long ago, so that the network could use it as part part of a Madonna prime-time special. However, there was the tiny point of the song Live To Tell, where Madonna hauled her elderly body up onto a giant crucifix and sang a song about how everyone should live to tell their friends that Madonna makes a wicked cool Jesus, or something. NBC has inevitably announced that it wigged out at the thought of broadcasting Madonna on a big cross, and that it won’t be showing Madonna’s crucifixion on the special any more.

What with Madonna shocking the world with this whole adoption thing, its easy to forget that it wasn't so long ago that Madonna was shocking the world by singing a song on a cross in a bad pair of knickers. That crucifix controversy hasn't gone away, though - Madonna gave one last run-through of her Confessions tour set for NBC not so long ago, so that the network could use it as part part of a Madonna prime-time special. However, there was the tiny point of the song Live To Tell, where Madonna hauled her elderly body up onto a giant crucifix and sang a song about how everyone should live to tell their friends that Madonna makes a wicked cool Jesus, or something. NBC has inevitably announced that it wigged out at the thought of broadcasting Madonna on a big cross, and that it won't be showing Madonna's crucifixion on the special any more.
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Naughty George Michael Smokes Some Drugs On The Telly

by Stuart Heritage

That George Michael, he’s one rock and roll motherlover isn’t he? OK, so actually he’s not – in fact listening to a George Michael album tends to be a bit like carbon monoxide suffocation without all the nice smells – but you get the idea.

After all of George Michael’s rock and roll scrapes – which mainly involve wanking and sleeping, to be fair – you’d expect that George Michael would want to keep his head down. But no. In fact George Michael is about to do the most shocking thing of his entire career. Release a record that doesn’t make us drop off faster than, well, George Michael at a zebra crossing? No – more shocking than that. George Michael is going to smoke a joint on television and then say how much he likes it. It will shock and astound you, or at least it would if pictures and quotes of every word he spoke during the interview hadn’t already been splashed all over the place, that is.

That George Michael, he's one rock and roll motherlover isn't he? OK, so actually he's not - in fact listening to a George Michael album tends to be a bit like carbon monoxide suffocation without all the nice smells - but you get the idea. After all of George Michael's rock and roll scrapes - which mainly involve wanking and sleeping, to be fair - you'd expect that George Michael would want to keep his head down. But no. In fact George Michael is about to do the most shocking thing of his entire career. Release a record that doesn't make us drop off faster than, well, George Michael at a zebra crossing? No - more shocking than that. George Michael is going to smoke a joint on television and then say how much he likes it. It will shock and astound you, or at least it would if pictures and quotes of every word he spoke during the interview hadn't already been splashed all over the place, that is.
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More Grey’s Anatomy Fun: Now One Of Them Is Gay

by Stuart Heritage

Grey’s Anatomy is one of those shows, like Desperate Housewives, that we don’t have to watch because 1) Every squawking idiot we meet seems determined to tell us exactly what happened and 2) it looks like a sack of balls.

Oh yeah, and 3) Nothing that happens on Grey’s Anatomy is even a tenth as interesting as things that go on behind the scenes of Grey’s Anatomy. Lately there’s already been a Grey’s Anatomy Battle Royale, where two Grey’s Anatomy actors decided to pummel each other into a gooey mush – or something – and now another Grey’s Anatomy actor has decided to come out and announce that he’s gay. Actor T.R Knight, who plays Dr George O’Malley on the show, gave a statement confirming his homosexuality to People magazine. Now, we haven’t got the foggiest who T.R Knight, but it’s probably safe to assume that being gay is the most interesting part of him.

Grey's Anatomy is one of those shows, like Desperate Housewives, that we don't have to watch because 1) Every squawking idiot we meet seems determined to tell us exactly what happened and 2) it looks like a sack of balls. Oh yeah, and 3) Nothing that happens on Grey's Anatomy is even a tenth as interesting as things that go on behind the scenes of Grey's Anatomy. Lately there's already been a Grey's Anatomy Battle Royale, where two Grey's Anatomy actors decided to pummel each other into a gooey mush - or something - and now another Grey's Anatomy actor has decided to come out and announce that he's gay. Actor T.R Knight, who plays Dr George O'Malley on the show, gave a statement confirming his homosexuality to People magazine. Now, we haven't got the foggiest who T.R Knight, but it's probably safe to assume that being gay is the most interesting part of him.
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Strictly Come Dancing Betting Odds: Mica Out, Who’ll Win?

by Stuart Heritage

The first Strictly Come Dancing ladies night took place on Saturday and it more or less confirmed what everyone who remembers the late 1980s knew only too well; that Mica Paris can’t dance for toffee.

One of the Strictly Come Dancing girls had to go in the first week and unfortunately it was Mica Paris who bit the dust first, although at least she has her day job of telling ugly people that they wear shit clothes to fall back on. Incidentally, did anyone see Bruce Forsyth talk about Strictly Come Dancing on the Paul O’Grady show the other day? Bruce innocuously enough called Spoony “a dark horse,” and then – worried that it might him seem racist – launched into the weirdest backtrack we’ve ever seen, ending with him exasperatedly sighing “You’re not allowed to call them that these days, are you?” We were watching it unfold with one hand over our eyes and the other in our mouth, and it’s now become our favourite Bruce Forsyth TV moment ever, just nudging Bruce’s unveiling of ‘trapping’ – a carcrash mix of tapdance and rapping – into second place.

But enough of that, who’s going to win Strictly Come Dancing this year? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Georgina Bouzova, Jan Ravens and Claire King, with help from PaddyPower.com…

The first Strictly Come Dancing ladies night took place on Saturday and it more or less confirmed what everyone who remembers the late 1980s knew only too well; that Mica Paris can't dance for toffee. One of the Strictly Come Dancing girls had to go in the first week and unfortunately it was Mica Paris who bit the dust first, although at least she has her day job of telling ugly people that they wear shit clothes to fall back on. Incidentally, did anyone see Bruce Forsyth talk about Strictly Come Dancing on the Paul O'Grady show the other day? Bruce innocuously enough called Spoony "a dark horse," and then - worried that it might him seem racist - launched into the weirdest backtrack we've ever seen, ending with him exasperatedly sighing "You're not allowed to call them that these days, are you?" We were watching it unfold with one hand over our eyes and the other in our mouth, and it's now become our favourite Bruce Forsyth TV moment ever, just nudging Bruce's unveiling of 'trapping' - a carcrash mix of tapdance and rapping - into second place. But enough of that, who's going to win Strictly Come Dancing this year? Here are the Strictly Come Dancing betting odds for Georgina Bouzova, Jan Ravens and Claire King, with help from PaddyPower.com...
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Leonardo DiCaprio Busts Out Green Reality TV Show

by Stuart Heritage

Reality TV is probably the best form of TV ever invented. If you want to watch wealthy men with bizarre haircuts hurl abuse at hateful ladder-climbers or British chefs get so angry that they soil themselves, then reality TV is it.

And now the news that Leonardo DiCaprio is getting in on the reality TV act has got us all excited too. Will the show follow Leonardo DiCaprio systematically shattering the dreams of aspiring actors with imaginative fury, or maybe it’ll be a Simple Life-style show following Leonardo DiCaprio messing up a variety of undercover police jobs? No. In fact Leonardo DiCaprio’s new reality TV show will be called E-topia. And Leonardo DiCaprio won’t be in it. And it’ll be about the environment. So we’re a bit less excited than we were at the start of the paragraph.

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Bindi Irwin To Star In Animal Show With Her Dead Dad

by Stuart Heritage

When Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray last month, he left a giant hole that we thought would remain empty forever – a hole that only a nutbag running round the outback grabbing poisonous snakes and waggling them around could fill.

However, just six weeks after Steve Irwin’s death and that hole has already been plugged – by Steve Irwin’s eight-year-old daughter Bindi Irwin. It’s been reported that Bindi Irwin has signed up to star in Bindi, The Jungle Girl, a 26-part series for the Discovery Kids network. And don’t worry if you think that an eight-year-old child won’t be able to hold together a high-profile documentary show like Bindi, The Jungle Girl – Bindi Irwin’s co-star in the series is none other than her father Steve Irwin… from beyond the grave.

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Gordon Ramsay Gets Voted Scariest Celebrity

by Stuart Heritage

It’s a little-known fact that the dictionary definition of the word ‘scary’ reads ‘a craggy faced man who screams at people day and night even though he’s basically a jumped-up dinner lady,’ which fits Gordon Ramsay nicely.

And it’s just as well, too, because Gordon Ramsay has been voted as the scariest celebrity in the country by the Radio Times. As far as we know, Gordon Ramsay got the nod as the scariest celebrity because all he ever seems to do is bellow at people who aren’t chefs because they can’t cook chicken as well as he can, and not for the way his face looks like a testicle that’s been left in some bathwater for a week, or the way that he flirts with Martine McCutcheon at any opportunity he gets, even though that’s by far the scariest thing Gordon Ramsay has ever done.

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