From the category archives:

TV News

Steve Jones And Nicole Scherzinger Are Being Forced To Have Sex By Simon Cowell

by Mof Gimmers

Steve Jones is so potent that he could get a homophobe’s trousers aroused. He could probably get a kitchen table pregnant. God. He’s just so sexual. He’s so sexy that TV productions companies know it and that, because he’s got a relatively self-effacing sense of humour, you can say that people are having sex with [...]

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X Factor Kitty Calls One Of The Risk Something Really Racist (‘Vote For Me’ Face)

by Mof Gimmers

The X Factor splits Britain into two camps. Those that despise it and those that don’t watch it. Those poor swine who don’t watch it can’t escape it. It’s everywhere, being rammed down your modem all the stinkin’ time. Anyway, here’s an article about the X Factor. AND IT CONTAINS RACISM! HURRAY! That’s right. The [...]

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Soap Spoilers: 17 Mojitos, Fake DNA And A Threesome

by Joanna Bolouri

It’s time to visit Soapland again as we know this is the only thing that makes your miserable existence bearable. We even caught Matthew Laidlow trying to bribe fellow writer Joanna Bolouri with cake and even violence in the hope she’d reveal the whereabouts of David Essex since his departure. He’s still recovering in hospital as she takes Soaps [...]

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N-Dubz: Fazer To Be Set On ‘Stunned’ By Misha B.

by Paul Pencott

Do you see the hilarious pun we did in the headline? Do you? It’s writing like this that wins prestigious awards. So, N-Dubz – you know, the guy in the silly hat, the quite fit one and the other dude – have been a bit quiet of late, what with Dappy going it alone with [...]

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Sinead O’Connor Doesn’t Like To See People Crying On X Factor, The Blubbing Hypocrite

by Matthew Laidlow

Back when times were pure and innocent, only a few select events took up room on our calendar; such as birthdays and the elusive annual leave. Now, more and more meaningless events are cluttering our calendars as television bullies its way into our lives, sits down on top of us and angrily demands that we [...]

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Soap Spoilers: Eastenders Special!!

by Joanna Bolouri

This week we’re dedicating the entire spoilers section to Eastenders! Why? We have no idea but there’s so much going on we literally wet our pants writing this. First up on Albert Square, the next story line destined to drag out for at least 17 years continues with Amira using her daughter Yasmin to manipulate ex [...]

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Paranormal Activity III Has Premiere In Big Brother House & No-One Famous Turns Up

by Michael Park

Premieres for big blockbusters usually take place in cinemas with names like ODEON, CINEWORLD, GRAUMAN’S or BOGNOR REGIS CINEMASCOPE but it seems that the makers of Paranormal Activity are positively itching to associate their horrifying, overdone claptrap with Channel 5′s flagship horrifying, overdone claptrap. And, as such, the premiere of Paranormal Activity III took place [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Children! Sewing Machines! Sexy Time!

by Joanna Bolouri

Despite spending most of the week choosing fancy pants to wear to the Cosmo Blog Awards, fighting over who gets to shave that evening with the communal razor and  getting really, really drunk with happiness, we’ve still had time to hold Soap writers hostage in our bedsit and demand they tell us what’s happening in [...]

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Sesame Street Force Porn Onto Our Children’s Innocent Little Brains

by Mof Gimmers

Sesame Street. Not nearly as innocent as you think. Seriously. It should be called Sesmutty Street after they threw a load of sexy filth at the eyes of the world’s children, presumably getting big furry erections and laughing at our outrage. The official line on all of this is that the Sesame Street YouTube channel [...]

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Mary Portas Wants To Sex Up Cameron’s Cabinet In Vomit-Inducing Publicity Stunt

by Michael Park

Mary Portas is widely renowned for having the poise and gait of a maimed Tyrannosaurus Rex and the retail miracle-worker has told Heat! magazine that she wants the opportunity to inject some sex appeal into David Cameron’s cabinet. Without hecklerspray trying to force any political viewpoints down the throats of our readers, Tories are arseholes. [...]

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