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TV News

Michael Jackson’s Glee Episode Is Imminent (Don’t Let Him In A School!)

by Matthew Laidlow

Americans have loads of stuff that’s essentially just for them, but occasionally seeps into the cultural mindset of others. Even though its just rounders for men, they call it the “world series” even though only American teams compete. Then there’s the general extra injection of happiness and excitement that all Americans possess. Even going to [...]

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Simon Cowell Wants Cheryl Cole And Tries To Reinvent The Scratch DJ

by Mof Gimmers

Simon Cowell has made stars of boybands, Chico, Susan Boyle and a variety of completely forgettable singers like Steve Brookstein, Leon Thingy and DooDah Sneddon. Possibly. We’re get all those talent shows confused these days. So what’s his next move? Well, apart from publicly wooing Cheryl Cole again (presumably Kelly Rowland can’t be bothered saying [...]

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Downton Abbey Rip-Off Jewellery Has Made Julian Fellowes Very Angry Indeed!

by hecklerspray staff

Downton Abbey is great for many reasons: its faithful commitment to anachronism, its stringent adhesion to the patriarchal values of an aristocratic class that should by all rights be extinct and, of course, all the lovely shiny things.  If you’re a magpie, or a viewer in possession of a lower than average IQ, you probably [...]

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Ofcom Chides ITV For Flogging Tulisa’s Rank perfume (Gervais Can Say “Mong” As Much As He Pleases)

by hecklerspray staff

OfCom, the protector of modern decency and punisher of all who swear at Manuel from Fawlty Towers, have ruled that ITV were breaking the rules when they let Tulisa waggle her arm at the cameras. And not in a Rebel Without a Cause, sexy, doing it with the lights on, leaving the lid off the [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Spying! Secrets! Jumpers!

by Joanna Bolouri

It’s soap spoiling time again you lucky people!  Once again we’ve been held at gunpoint and forced to write stuff about something we’d only care less about if we were dead. Want to know what exciting things happen in Hollyoaks this week?  Tough. We didn’t include them. As usual we’re off to Eastenders first and before [...]

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WATCH THIS! The Weekend TV Picks Just For Stupid You!

by Robin Darke

Life is hard for many people for much of the time. But we all deal with it in different ways. Some people take solace in religion; placing their happiness in never seeing a ghost. They’d rather have a piece of toast and watch the evening news. Those people are idiots and mediocre ’90s pop stars. [...]

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Star Wars Dogs Welcome You To The Bark Side

by Mof Gimmers

Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event. Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of [...]

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Andrew Lloyd Webber On The Hunt For Jesus (Still Claims To Not Be Crazy)

by Robin Darke

Not content with ruining The Wizard of Oz, Oliver! and Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, it looks like Professional Scrotum Impersonator and Part Time Song Word Writerer, Andrew Lloyd Webber has declared his intentions on turning heresy into an all-singing, all dancing, some crying, and probably a few catty comments, contest. Originally entitled ‘Superstar’, [...]

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Sherlock Gets Third Series And Here’s A Massive Spoiler To Tell You What Happens

by Mof Gimmers

You geeks are more than aware that Sherlock Holmes fell to his death in the closer of series two of the stupid BBC adaptation that stars Martin Freeman playing Tim From The Office Again and Benedict Cumberbatch as quirky Sherlock Doctor Who Holmes. And there’s going to be a third series. Right? And of course, [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Pill Pushing! Stair Pushing! Fish Murdering!

by Joanna Bolouri

CHRIST ON A BIKE, it’s been a whole week since we’ve been here! Can you believe it?!! That was rhetorical. Shut up. Now that Pat has been airlifted out of this world to the tune of Sweet Caroline, it’s time to get back to the real world, and by real world we mean an entirely fictitious one, created [...]

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