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Poorly Lawyer Means Phil Spector Murder Trial Stops

by Stuart Heritage

Phil Spector appears to be a bit of a cursed soul – he worked with John Lennon and John Lennon got shot, he worked with Starsailor and a woman ended up dead and now the lawyer defending him of murder has come down all poorly too.

The Phil Spector murder trial has been held up for at least two days after Bruce Cutler, the man employed to try and convince the world that Phil Spector didn’t blast a woman’s mouth off in 2003, apparently came down ill with some kind of sickness. Of course, while the likelihood is that Bruce Cutler genuinely is feeling under the weather, in a high-profile trial like Phil Spector’s rumours are bound to fly. Perhaps Bruce Cutler is trying to postpone the inevitable, or perhaps he’s chasing a killer witness. Or maybe Bruce Cutler realised that Martha Stewart is making accessories for a bandanna-themed children’s party on her show today and figured that seeing that was more important than going to work. We can see why – those bandanna party favours are just adorable.

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Peter Andre Officially Not Dead

by C J Davies

Funny how rumours spread sometimes.

Like that old chestnut about Blockbusters presenter Bob Holness playing the saxophone solo on Baker Street. Or that extra zany one that started a few years back – you know, that stuff about someone creating the Earth in seven days or some such nonsense.

People love rumours. And they love smearing them around. In Neanderthal days they used to do this around the campfire – sniggering to each other abou thow Zog from Cave 13 had been caught with his winky in a mountain goat. Nowadays, however, such slander is tossed around via the medium of the Internet.

The internet is officially the greatest gossip mill in the world, churning out half-truths and downright lies like a politician’s consciousness. And yesterday it proved itself even further.

Yesterday the internet said that Peter Andre was dead.

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Daniel Baldwin Didn’t Steal That Car, The Rude Little Pig

by Stuart Heritage

Just so you all have this in writing, we never want to be a Baldwin – partly because we’re not that keen on making a string of forgettable movies, but partly because we know we’d never be even half the men that the current Baldwins are.

And we’re not even talking about Alec Baldwin for once either – we just don’t think that we’d be as good at being a Baldwin as Daniel Baldwin, a man whose list of ridiculous indiscretions would fill the entire internet if ever they were written down. But Daniel Baldwin needs to work harder if he wants to keep his reputation, because the he’s just been cleared of stealing cars. Cleared? That’s exactly that sort of positive news that Daniel Baldwin doesn’t need at all if he wants to keep his standing as the douchiest Baldwin brother of them all.

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Awesome Or Off-Putting: Ancient Graffiti

by Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts or just the plain unexplainable. This week: Strange Facts/Ancient Artifacts Metro-award winning blog hecklerspray has one bathroom on its main floor that is made entirely of ivory. [...]

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Will & Grace Lawsuit About As Funny As The Actual Show

by Stuart Heritage

That is to say, not all that much. The four-year lawsuit battle between NBC and the creators of ‘Gay people are funny because they like Cher’ NBC sitcom Will & Grace has spectacularly ended with a settlement, and a fairly dull one at that.

Ever since 2003, NBC and Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick have been suing each other because the millions of dollars they’d all made from basically just employing a camp man and a short woman to shriek the word “fabulous” at each other for half an hour several times a year wasn’t enough. But now the war is over is the most undisclosed way possible. We’d imagine that NBC and Kohan and Mutchnick made up by realising that, despite their disagreements, at least they could all agree that Will & Grace was about as funny as falling face-first onto a landmine.

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Cameron Diaz Goes Nuts When Photo Steals Her Soul

by Chris Laverty

Some tribes, cultures, the Amish, believe that a photograph can steal the soul. Evidently Cameron Diaz agrees as she was recently spotted fleeing a New York department store with the paparazzi and their flashbulbs hot tailing it after her.

You have to feel sorry for young Cameron Diaz. Recently split from Justin Timberlake, and though no longer forced to endure his seizure dancing when Heroes is on the telly, she might well be feeling down in the dumps.

Despite having an alleged fling with surfer-fool Kelly Slater, there’s really nothing like a shopping trip to raise a girl’s spirits. Spend a few thousand dollars on stupid shoes, sign the odd autograph ‘for the kids’, eat a burger in the toilets, all the fun stuff. Cameron though, poor little lamb, she can’t go anywhere without those parasitical photographers following her around like sugared up toddlers. Damn you, free press!!

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Disturbia Still Tops Weekend Box Office, Weirdly

by Stuart Heritage

Shia LaBeouf became a star when Disturbia first reached the top of the weekend box office, then became the world’s biggest star when Disturbia topped it two weeks on the trot, so what now?

Now Disturbia has topped the US weekend box office for three weeks solid, beating off movies that should have really left it for dust. By our reasoning this means that within two to three days, groups of wild-eyed South American pensioners are going to a) start crafting statues of Shia LaBeouf out of stone, and then b) start manically shrieking that their Shia LaBeouf statues have been crying milk. And if Disturbia tops the weekend box office again next week, that’s when the shadowy scientists come round and weld Shia LaBeouf masks over your own faces…

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Alec Baldwin Works Out Rude Pig Addiction On The View

by Stuart Heritage

There’s a good chance that getting caught screaming abuse at his 11-year-old daughter on a voicemail message was the second-stupidest thing Alec Baldwin has ever done after Cat In The Hat, but he’s doing all he can to fix it.

Well, maybe not all he can – if we were Alec Baldwin we’d have already set up a helpline for rude thoughtless little pigs who are gonna get their asses straightened out – but Alec Baldwin has gone on The View anyway to apologise to his daughter. Well, he’s gone on The View to apologise to his daughter and then make a bunch of angry paranoid veiled threats to tabloid reporters in the mistaken belief that it’s their fault that everyone thinks he’s an angry douchebag of a bad father and not because he called his daughter a pig, but that’s close enough.

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Celebrity Haiku Competition: Lindsay Lohan’s Sex Addiction

by C J Davies

Another week, another chance to scribble out an ancient form of Japanese poetry based on a sort-of topical celebrity story. We spoil you, you know that? That's correct – hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition is here to claim its Monday pride of place. We, like, totally own Mondays. And we totally own you too. How much? [...]

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How Much YOU Pay For Big Brother

by C J Davies

Here at hecklerspray, we’re all a bunch of very high-brow individuals.

Why, only the other day the office was rife with talk of Expressionist German cinema. And not a week goes by when there isn’t some argument as to the thematic undertones inherent within 19th century Russian literature.

Yet – once a year – there comes a time when we like nothing more than to kick back, pour ourselves a refreshing glass of Pimms, and watch with glee as a group of barely-educated pikeys shout at each other in a house for a couple of months. That’s right – Big Brother is almost upon us again.

This time, however … we’re all a little more hesitant in our appreciation.

This time we’ve found out that we’ve unwittingly been paying for it.

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