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Anna Nicole Smith Babydaddy Betting Odds: Larry Birkhead & YOU

by Stuart Heritage

Today’s a sad day for Anna Nicole Smith fans everywhere – no, not because she’s getting buried later on, because it’s the final day of our tasteless (but not as tasteless as arguing over a dead body) Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds.

That’s right – we’re giving you the once-in-a-lifetime chance to financially benefit from the uncertain parentage of a dead pornstar’s baby, so make sure you snap it up before people start doing doing DNA tests and whatnot. So far this week we’ve discovered that Anna Nicole Smith’s cake-baking bodyguard probably isn’t her babydaddy, nor is that crazy old German dude she never met. Anna Nicole Smith’s boyfriend Howard K Stern might be her babydaddy, but people are dubious. And today we’re concluding the Anna Nicole Smith betting odds by presenting the favourite man to have knocked Anna Nicole Smith up with her baby daughter.

Here are the Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds for Larry Birkhead and Every Other Man Alive, with betting odds from Paddy Power…

Today's a sad day for Anna Nicole Smith fans everywhere - no, not because she's getting buried later on, because it's the final day of our tasteless (but not as tasteless as arguing over a dead body) Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds. That's right - we're giving you the once-in-a-lifetime chance to financially benefit from the uncertain parentage of a dead pornstar's baby, so make sure you snap it up before people start doing doing DNA tests and whatnot. So far this week we've discovered that Anna Nicole Smith's cake-baking bodyguard probably isn't her babydaddy, nor is that crazy old German dude she never met. Anna Nicole Smith's boyfriend Howard K Stern might be her babydaddy, but people are dubious. And today we're concluding the Anna Nicole Smith betting odds by presenting the favourite man to have knocked Anna Nicole Smith up with her baby daughter. Here are the Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds for Larry Birkhead and Every Other Man Alive, with betting odds from Paddy Power...
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That Twonk From The Darkness Might Do Eurovision

by Stuart Heritage

The Eurovision Song Contest is a bit like the World Cup in that UK victory seems certain beforehand, until we’re painfully reminded of what a dreadful bag of bum we are – case in point: Justin Hawkins from The Darkness wants to do Eurovision 2007.

That’s right, Justin Hawkins from The Darkness – remember that joke band from a few years ago who had that one song you sort of liked before you bought their first album and listened to it four times, getting progressively more and more irritated each time? Yeah, them. Anyway, Justin Hawkins is on the shortlist to represent the UK in May’s Eurovision Song Contest. But don’t worry; Britain gets to choose its own Eurovision entry, and as well as Justin Hawkins – basically a has-been twonk from a broken-up band from the past – you’ll also be able to pick from, um, two other has-been twonks from broken-up bands from the past, two reformed bands that nobody actually cared about in the first place and someone who wouldn’t even be recognised by their own parents. Terry Wogan must be crying into his Guinness.

The Eurovision Song Contest is a bit like the World Cup in that UK victory seems certain beforehand, until we're painfully reminded of what a dreadful bag of bum we are - case in point: Justin Hawkins from The Darkness wants to do Eurovision 2007. That's right, Justin Hawkins from The Darkness - remember that joke band from a few years ago who had that one song you sort of liked before you bought their first album and listened to it four times, getting progressively more and more irritated each time? Yeah, them. Anyway, Justin Hawkins is on the shortlist to represent the UK in May's Eurovision Song Contest. But don't worry; Britain gets to choose its own Eurovision entry, and as well as Justin Hawkins - basically a has-been twonk from a broken-up band from the past - you'll also be able to pick from, um, two other has-been twonks from broken-up bands from the past, two reformed bands that nobody actually cared about in the first place and someone who wouldn't even be recognised by their own parents. Terry Wogan must be crying into his Guinness.
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Chris Morris: New Project Revealed

by C J Davies

We’re big fans of Chris Morris here at hecklerspray.

The comedic gent behind The Day Today, Brass Eye and Jam has produced some of the most genuinely innovative and hilarious British comedy of the last 20 years. In fact, we’re such fans that we’ll even forgive him for that slightly rubbish Nathan Barley series that no-one watched a couple of years back.

It’s always with a tinge of excitement, then – which is a big thing round these parts – that we receive news on what Chris Morris is up to next.

Apparently he’s making something about terrorists.

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Jay Kay To Quit Making Awful Music

by C J Davies

An open letter from hecklerspray to God:

Dear Lord,

We’ve never really believed in you. We’re sorry. Nothing personal.

It’s just that you didn’t exactly make it easy, did you? We mean… look at all the suffering that goes on in the world. Look at the horrific extent of man’s eternal inhumanity to man. Look at the dismal and depressing things that happen on this spinning globe of ours every single day.

But now? Now you’ve proven yourself. And in a pretty fantastic way, too.

Let’s face it – you could have done something that everyone was expecting, like parting the clouds to poke through your big beardy face and demanding an end to all wars. Or maybe granting everyone the gift of eternal life. Or maybe just making people be that extra-bit nice to each other.

Oh no. You’ve gone and done something even better.

You’re made Jay Kay from Jamiroquai stop making music.

An open letter from hecklerspray to God: Dear Lord, We've never really believed in you. We're sorry. Nothing personal. It's just that you didn't exactly make it easy, did you? We mean... look at all the suffering that goes on in the world. Look at the horrific extent of man's eternal inhumanity to man. Look at the dismal and depressing things that happen on this spinning globe of ours every single day. But now? Now you've proven yourself. And in a pretty fantastic way, too. Let's face it - you could have done something that everyone was expecting, like parting the clouds to poke through your big beardy face and demanding an end to all wars. Or maybe granting everyone the gift of eternal life. Or maybe just making people be that extra-bit nice to each other. Oh no. You've gone and done something even better. You're made Jay Kay from Jamiroquai stop making music.
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Anna Nicole Smith Babydaddy Betting Odds: Howard K Stern

by Stuart Heritage

It’s day two of our slightly tasteless – yet somehow entire appropriate – look at the runners and riders who are claiming that they knocked Anna Nicole Smith up enough for her to pop a baby out before she died.

Yesterday we started our Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds off by looking at the two rank outsiders – one of Anna Nicole’s bodyguards and some lunatic old German guy who probably never even met her. But enough with the smalltalk – today we’re getting serious and focusing on someone who already is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, in writing at least. And that’s all the proof he needs, even if about a million other people want him to spit in a cup just so they can make sure.

Here’s today’s Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds for – you guessed it – Howard K Stern. Betting odds, as ever, come from Paddy Power…

It's day two of our slightly tasteless - yet somehow entire appropriate - look at the runners and riders who are claiming that they knocked Anna Nicole Smith up enough for her to pop a baby out before she died. Yesterday we started our Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds off by looking at the two rank outsiders - one of Anna Nicole's bodyguards and some lunatic old German guy who probably never even met her. But enough with the smalltalk - today we're getting serious and focusing on someone who already is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter, in writing at least. And that's all the proof he needs, even if about a million other people want him to spit in a cup just so they can make sure. Here's today's Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds for - you guessed it - Howard K Stern. Betting odds, as ever, come from Paddy Power...
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Anna Nicole Smith Babydaddy Betting Odds: The Bodyguard & The German

by Stuart Heritage

Tricky time of year for us, this; there’s no Celebrity Big Brother, no X Factor and no Eurovision for us to do betting odds for – and nobody wants to see five days of Dancing On Ice – so just what in the name of James Cameron’s bone box are we to do.

Then the answer hit us like a flash. Nobody knows who the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daughter Dannielynn Hope is – and plenty of people are saying it’s them – so let’s do betting odds for that. From now until Friday we’re going to be looking at all the various runners and riders who have claimed to have impregnated Anna Nicole Smith before she died. Tasteless? A little bit, but if you’re going to go to hell for betting, you may as well go to hell for betting on the parentage of a dead pornstar’s daughter.

So here’s part one of this week’s Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds – for Alex Denk and Frederic von Anhalt – with betting odds from Paddy Power…

Tricky time of year for us, this; there's no Celebrity Big Brother, no X Factor and no Eurovision for us to do betting odds for - and nobody wants to see five days of Dancing On Ice - so just what in the name of James Cameron's bone box are we to do. Then the answer hit us like a flash. Nobody knows who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn Hope is - and plenty of people are saying it's them - so let's do betting odds for that. From now until Friday we're going to be looking at all the various runners and riders who have claimed to have impregnated Anna Nicole Smith before she died. Tasteless? A little bit, but if you're going to go to hell for betting, you may as well go to hell for betting on the parentage of a dead pornstar's daughter. So here's part one of this week's Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy betting odds - for Alex Denk and Frederic von Anhalt - with betting odds from Paddy Power...
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Some Idiot Gives Victoria Beckham Her Own TV Show

by Stuart Heritage

If you’re like us, you probably welcomed David and Victoria Beckham’s move to Los Angeles as a welcome respite from seeing Victoria Beckham’s ridiculous gaunt face looming out from all newspapers every single morning – but how wrong you were.

Not content with being married to a man who, at LA Galaxy, will earn around $300 billion every single nanosecond, Victoria Beckham is using the move to America to make herself even more unnecessarily famous than she already is. And it’s worked as well – according to reports, a fly-on-the-wall reality series all about David and Victoria Beckham stumbling round their giant LA mansion trying to work out how their lightswitches work is going to be shown on NBC later this year. But don’t you start feeling smug, non-Americans – you’ll all have to put up with Victoria Beckham in the imminent Spice Girls reunion, too.

If you're like us, you probably welcomed David and Victoria Beckham's move to Los Angeles as a welcome respite from seeing Victoria Beckham's ridiculous gaunt face looming out from all newspapers every single morning - but how wrong you were. Not content with being married to a man who, at LA Galaxy, will earn around $300 billion every single nanosecond, Victoria Beckham is using the move to America to make herself even more unnecessarily famous than she already is. And it's worked as well - according to reports, a fly-on-the-wall reality series all about David and Victoria Beckham stumbling round their giant LA mansion trying to work out how their lightswitches work is going to be shown on NBC later this year. But don't you start feeling smug, non-Americans - you'll all have to put up with Victoria Beckham in the imminent Spice Girls reunion, too.
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Creator Of ‘Lost’ To Direct Star Trek

by C J Davies

J.J Abrams, the man behind Lost – officially the best TV show in which people suffer lengthy flashbacks and then have a fight on a beach every week – has signed on to direct the new Star Trek movie.

This news would excite hecklerspray were it not for two major reasons: 1) Lost has been steadily going downhill since the first season, and 2) Star Trek movies suck balls like a defective lottery machine.

Apart from that one with the whales. That was kind of fun. In a ‘sat in house alone no girlfriend and might as well be dead’ kinda way.

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Christians Not Really Sold On This Whole Jesus Coffin Thing

by Stuart Heritage

James Cameron’s apparent discovery of an old coffin that used to belong to Jesus is so huge that we can’t really comprehend it; imagine if John Woo announced that he’d found the Virgin Mary’s holy home immaculate pregnancy test kit – it’s that big.

But weirdly enough, some people aren’t quite so keen to buy into James Cameron’s Jesus-coffin claims. Scholars and clergymen have been pouring out of the woodwork to heap scorn on Cameron’s idea that Jesus died in a box instead of hopping on a cloud and going up to heaven. However, James Cameron has urged everyone to withhold their assessment of his Jesus-coffin until they’ve watched his Discovery Channel documentary on it, The Lost Tombs Of Jesus Christ – or at least waited for the sequel, The Lost Tombs Of Jesus Christ: Judgement Day, which is more or less the same as The Lost Tomb of Jesus Christ, except Jesus fights another Jesus who’s made of liquid metal in it. And there’s a Guns N’ Roses soundtrack.

James Cameron's apparent discovery of an old coffin that used to belong to Jesus is so huge that we can't really comprehend it; imagine if John Woo announced that he'd found the Virgin Mary's holy home immaculate pregnancy test kit - it's that big. But weirdly enough, some people aren't quite so keen to buy into James Cameron's Jesus-coffin claims. Scholars and clergymen have been pouring out of the woodwork to heap scorn on Cameron's idea that Jesus died in a box instead of hopping on a cloud and going up to heaven. However, James Cameron has urged everyone to withhold their assessment of his Jesus-coffin until they've watched his Discovery Channel documentary on it, The Lost Tombs Of Jesus Christ - or at least waited for the sequel, The Lost Tombs Of Jesus Christ: Judgement Day, which is more or less the same as The Lost Tomb of Jesus Christ, except Jesus fights another Jesus who's made of liquid metal in it. And there's a Guns N' Roses soundtrack.
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The Horrors Will Sign Your Stuff In Two Places Today

by Stuart Heritage

When it comes to spooky-looking boys with terrible hair who play demented indie music, The Horrors are close to the top of the list – so you’ll be pleased to know they’re doing signing sessions today, as this email we’ve just received is keen to tell us:

The Horrors have confirmed that they will be holding two ‘Gloves’ signing sessions today, the day of the single’s release (Monday February 26).

Catch the band at Fives Records in Leigh-on-Sea by their hometown of Southend at 12.30pm, before they hot-foot it over to Rough Trade Records in Covent Garden, London for another signing session 5.30pm.

Both appearances are sure to be well attended so we suggest you get there early and form as orderly a queue as the situation will allow. There will be a few ultra limited pairs of Horrors leather gloves that aren’t on sale anywhere to giveaway to some lucky fans randomly chosen at the instores, so come on down!

12.30pm – Fives Records
www.fives-records.co.uk
103 Broadway
Leigh on Sea
Essex
SS9 1PG

5.30pm – Rough Trade Records
www.roughtrade.com/site/instore.lasso
In the basement of the Slam City Skates shop
16 Neal’s Yard
Covent Garden
London
WC2H 9DP

Free gloves? We’ve killed for less than that. Remember, though, that The Horrors will only be signing stuff and not actually playing any music. If you’re lucky Samantha Morton might turn up to explode another alien out of her vagina, but don’t come running to us if that doesn’t happen either.

When it comes to spooky-looking boys with terrible hair who play demented indie music, The Horrors are close to the top of the list - so you'll be pleased to know they're doing signing sessions today, as this email we've just received is keen to tell us: The Horrors have confirmed that they will be holding two 'Gloves' signing sessions today, the day of the single's release (Monday February 26). Catch the band at Fives Records in Leigh-on-Sea by their hometown of Southend at 12.30pm, before they hot-foot it over to Rough Trade Records in Covent Garden, London for another signing session 5.30pm. Both appearances are sure to be well attended so we suggest you get there early and form as orderly a queue as the situation will allow. There will be a few ultra limited pairs of Horrors leather gloves that aren't on sale anywhere to giveaway to some lucky fans randomly chosen at the instores, so come on down! 12.30pm - Fives Records www.fives-records.co.uk 103 Broadway Leigh on Sea Essex SS9 1PG 5.30pm - Rough Trade Records www.roughtrade.com/site/instore.lasso In the basement of the Slam City Skates shop 16 Neal's Yard Covent Garden London WC2H 9DP Free gloves? We've killed for less than that. Remember, though, that The Horrors will only be signing stuff and not actually playing any music. If you're lucky Samantha Morton might turn up to explode another alien out of her vagina, but don't come running to us if that doesn't happen either.
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